General How Does Ptsd Affect You As A Carer?

[Nicolette]

I know we have discussed lots of things in the Carer's section but I don't think we have discussed the specifics of how PTSD effects our lives. Yes we talk about what our Sufferers do and the affect that has on us but I'm talking big picture stuff here.

An example might be:

• My life is more isolated as my partner does not want to socialise so I either stay home or have to go alone. I don't like going to 'couples' activities by myself eg going out for dinner with married couples.
• I feel my life is more lonely as while I have a wife/husband, she/he plays video games all day, so while in the same house together she/he doesn't talk to me so I feel alone.
• (Dramatic) I now have secondary PTSD due to my wife's/husband's long term PTSD and resulting abuse/violence.
• I feel my life is more challenging as I have to be careful how I act or what I say at home (walking on eggshells).
• I feel so much more pressure, especially with having the children, as my husband gets cranky at them when they are just being kids.
• I don't like the drinking around the children and it frightens me so I feel I have to look after the children all the time to make sure they are ok.

These are not my points - just examples.

How has PTSD changed your life? What effects has it had on you and your life?

(I think it would be helpful for some Sufferers if we share how it impacts on us too).

 

[Nicolette]

Ok....I'll start:

• PTSD has made me more aware that sometimes it's not worth sweating the small potential arguments in a relationship and taught me to bite my tongue or to let an issue go more often than I would normally .... PMS time excluded as it wins over logic :rolleyes:

 

[amethist]

PTSD has given me the confidence to make some major decisions on my own. Hubby struggles to make even the smallest ones some days.

Forget PMS, the PTSD and Menopause has taught me to say this is ME, not you, so please leave me alone for a while. Logic vanishes completly with this.

 

[Nicolette]

PTSD has taught me that no amount of preparation, planning, egg shell walking or biting my tongue can make any plans turn out as they should - you always have to have a back up plan or be prepared to change on the day...PTSD is very unpredictable.

 

[amethist]

I have learnt, that nothing can be written in stone.

From deciding what we are going to have for our evening meal (Hubby's job usually), to having 1 of our grandchildren to stay over night.

Our grandchildren are not told they will be staying until the last minute, just in case it can't happen. Even then in the past arrangements have been set up, in case I have to take them home. Luckily so far this has not happened, they both think it is funny that granddad usually goes to bed before them.

 

[amethist]

Home made Chicken Stir Fry anyone, plenty going spare tonight.

Yep tonights evening meal, put on hold.

Well in the freezer anyway.

 

[ISupportHer]

OK, so I am lazy today. I'll go with example 1 and 5 and also 2 except no video games.

ISH

 

[Iron_Angel]

It's D*MN unfair that he can react and overreact, and I can't say anything about anything because it might cause him more stress!

Also that he's the only person on the planet who can make me go without -- without communication, without interaction, without company, without affection, even without fun ... I never had to do that with anyone else in my life!

I thought I was well for years until I started trying to have a relationship with someone with PTSD and now I'm feeling ill all over again.

 

[Darkness Shines]

It has almost killed me and still might. Like Iron_Angel I'm also dual-role--have PTSD and am supporting others.

It has taught me that I can do more than I ever imagined, though. But I'm still afraid everything may not be enough in the end.

 

[Toria]

It has made me realise that you can feel so incredibly alone even though you are sitting next to the man that you love.

It has made me realise that I am not as strong as I thought I was.

I have very few friends outside of work because it is me that avoids going out because I'm never sure what my husband is going to say or do.

There are days when it's easier to say nothing at all rather than risk being shouted at. There are days when I would rather be anywhere than be at home.

Above all - what I most want in the world - is to have just one day with the man I married.

I hope that you don't judge me harshly for saying this - in the UK there's a court investigation going on in to the death of a Bomb Disposal Army man (sorry - I'm a bit incoherent!) who was killed in the line of duty. It was on the news this morning and all I could think was how lucky his wife was because she had good memories of her husband. Obviously I felt so sorry for her because she'd never see him again - but she had those memories to see her through the tough times. My husband came home - but I never got him back.

 

[ISupportHer]

First, I totally get what you say Toria. I read and hear the others too but some of what you say could have come from my own lips. I actually DID tell my daughters that I just wanted things to be like they were. That was maybe 2 or 3 years ago now.

It is a struggle.

I hope YOU don't judge me too harshly for saying this.....:). PTSD is not something that will go away and things will be like they were. And I do so hear your last few words in your post. Again, I say these things because I have felt the same way.

I hope you can find a way to acknowledge your feelings (you can't just deny them) but to find your way to navigate to some sort of way to cope. Things can feel hopeless, I know. I hope you find support and guidance here. Perhaps some sort of help knowing you are not alone in this response.

ISH

 

[Toria]

Thank you ISH - I feel better just knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way.