How Far Back Can You Remember?

[jeeps for now]

Until recently, I had only tried to remember back to my fifth year, when I experienced my first known trauma. For a long time, I thought this was to be my established 'baseline' for life, meaning I could never recover beyond the effects this experience had on me.


Lately, I have been remembering several 'snapshots' of events happening prior to age five. I don't even question whether they happened: I know they did. And they are actually pleasant.

How far back can you remember?

 

[SevenWolves]

I remember bits and pieces of my senior year in High School. Went to business school afterward and can only remember graduating. I don't remember much of anything before that. The present isn't that much better. I have DID so I pretty much have no memory.

 

[Shellbell]

My earliest memory is the airplane journey at age 4 from Australia to UK. I think I probably remember it because it is such a big thing - first plane journey at that age.

I have big chunks of memory missing from periods of abuse happening, but a lot of memory regarding the rest of my childhood.

 

[SevenWolves]

I envy you guys. I wish I could remember my childhood.

 

[BlueOrange]

jeeps, my experience is very similar to yours. When I've worked on some godawful memory that has plagued me forever and I've made some kind of breakthrough, I often find that over the next few days, a number of happy memories will spontaneously pop into my head. The time periods that involved abuse are where the blank spots are.

I feel like I've recovered my childhood. What I currently seem to be missing is parts of my adult life that were impacted heavily by the PTSD that grew out of my childhood. The flashbacks of my childhood are pretty much sorted now - the memories of having really bad flashbacks, and of things that I did when dissociating, these are the issues now.

 

[maddog]

In terms of an actual linear narrative of my life, my memories from childhood right through to adulthood are mostly in tact. My earliest memory is definitely a traumatic one at around age 3-4, but from then on there are no substantial missing chunks or periods of time. The only thing is that bits and pieces are missing from many of my trauma memories, in stark contrast to the vividness with which I remember those parts I do remember. Why exactly this is, is yet to be figured out, or perhaps it never will be.

While I sometimes cynically wish I couldn't remember my past, I know I don't mean this and can barely imagine the confusion and fear I would most likely feel if there were entire chunks of my history which were unknown to me.

Maddog

 

[Whitneys story]

First and oldest memory I was 1 1/2 a major Trauma. I even remember what I was wearing. There were no photos.

 

[jeeps for now]

I can remember sitting in my grandfather's lap when I was 1 1/2 ish.

 

[Zef]

I remember having one of those old little plastic gumball machines at 3ish. Next memory was trying to teach myself to read when I was 4 or 5 and getting smackd upside the head because I was sitting too close to the TV. . .

After that, a few scenes, a few grade school classmates, but not much else.

 

[Privateer]

I remember opening the living room door and seeing my parents talking to the health visitor who was there for a routine visit to check up on my baby sister who was in the room in her big red pram.

That pram means I can't have been older than two.

So...I remember more or less everything. Not for lack of trying, mind you.

 

[surviving_it_all]

I try to forget all the things I have been through because the majority of them are plagued with trauma. I can remember back to 3 or 4ish when my father chased my mother with a shotgun around our kitchen table. I remember the color of the tile, the layout of the kitchen, how she took a bottle of wine and went and got drunk under the weeping willow in our front yard**suprising methaphorical although it is true. I remember getting beat for cutting my toe at 4 or 5 at most. I remember even earlier than that peeing myself in my Wednesday printed underwear for arguing and slamming the door on my brothers hands. I remember the days of abuse in 1st and 2nd grade. I can describe so many things in detail. I wish I could forget but my mind is just good with memories. I remember when when they left my brother at home on accident at the age of 2... I was so scared for him. I remember seeing him on the porch crying when we pulled up. I also remember my mother hitting him on the head.If he was 2 that would make me 4. I am 26 so I am guessing its not normal to have so many detailed memories so far back.

 

[BlueOrange]

I've occasionally said that I was "cursed with a really good memory". It has been an advantage in areas of my life, particularly when doing technical work that requires me to read and recall very long and detailed technical manuals.

If I could remember what surviving_it_all remembers, I'd want to forget too. I've tried hard to forget things that don't seem to compare. (But then I remember that it's not a competition, and that my hurt is not invalidated by someone else's hurt.) I can't bring myself to press the 'Like' button, because I hate what's described in that post. But if there were a 'hug' button, I'd probably get RSI from pressing it.