How Far Gone Am I?

[joeylittle]

you can very well get ptsd from a relationship breakup when you have borderline personality disorder.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Not the way it works according to the DSMV criterion "A" category.

I didn't sign up here to start arguing with people. Just to get help.

Yep. You're getting arguing because you're barking up some wrong trees. The best help anyone can suggest is that you go with whatever your current diagnosis is and get treatment for that to the best of your ability.

I have a current shrink, he doesn't wanna label just treat symptoms to make my life easier, I'm beyond labels now.

Well then, lets stop talking about labels altogether, yeah? It's not called a "label". It's called a "diagnosis". And I'm guessing it's likely your current shrink doesn't want to talk about it too much because you (possibly) bring up all your various diagnoses often.

If the treatment you are getting for your symptoms is working, then awesome. If it's not, find another doc.

last month my shrink suggested i get a psych phd, and now I'm being put on a chemical lobotomy.

Your shrink told you to get a psychology doctorate?
Chemical lobotomy?

 

[StarChild]

you can very well get ptsd from a relationship breakup when you have borderline personality disorder.

Oh another new (self) diagnosis! Oh you poor guy! As I already said, you have no clue what you're talking about... Do you even know what a borderline personality disorder is? Sorry, but in my opinion, your statements aren't very reliable. Do you even realize that you, amongst other of your dubiously statements, constantly and repeatedly contradict yourself with some quite ridiculous pseudo diagnoses, and pseudo statements?

I really don't want to waste my time with such nonsense!

Your shrink told you to get a psychology doctorate?
Chemical lobotomy?

Yep, quite fantastic stories, aren't they?...

 

[It was only anxiety]

Lol I have no self diagnoses. And holy shit at the judgement mob mentality of this forum.

Sure you don't all have aspergers instead?

Lol I'm leaving.

 

[Justmehere]

You do not write or come across as a psychopath. They are more coherent and smooth. They would not likely suggest they are psychopaths...

You write like you are very drugged. Intoxicated.

I would suggested getting help to stop the codeine. Opiate drug use or abuse can produce many behaviors that would look like "half the DSM."

Once you stop the codeine, I'm sure the path to recovery from your underlying mental healthy symptoms will be much more clear.

I wish you well on your journey.

 

[It was only anxiety]

The problem is when I stop codeine i get hyper arousal.

I'm typing from a phone i cbf with presentation.

I had avoidant ptsd for years.
I would go out and then go back home and dissociate on the computer.

The more I progress the worse I get with mood swings and the thousand yard stare(hyperarousal).

 

[Justmehere]

Your writing is still not making sense. You still come across drugged. It has nothing to do with writing via phone. Many people here post from their phones. Some don't even have English as a first language. They still come across much more coherently.

I once was really drugged with hydrocodone, which is similar to codeine. I thought I sounded and wrote fine. But when I stopped the hydrocodone and read what I wrote from a place off being off the medication... whoa.

You still are writing like you are very drugged.

The "thousand yard stare" is more a sign of hypoarousal or diasociation. Not hyperarousal.

Self medicating hypo or hyperarousal with codeine is part of why you are not getting better or getting proper treatment.

Codeine would make mood swings worse.

Getting hyperarousal or being hypervigalent or anxious or extra reactive - this is all NORMAL when stopping long term use of codine. It would be a part of the normal withdrawl. It also could be a PTSD symptom.

Your post proves that not only is your codeine addiction screwing up your coherence and getting proper treatment for whatever is going on for you mentally, but it is also giving additional mental health symptoms.

There are doctors who can help you go off the codeine with fewer withdrawl symptoms and help treat the underlying symptoms you are attempting to self medicate with the codeine.

It is clear that codeine use is not working to provide you the full relief and help you are seeking. It's not working at all.

Whatever relief you feel that you get from the codeine, that will go away over time.

You have two choices - keep taking more and more codeine until the codeine stops working at all, anD you now have much worse mental health symptoms because you have the symptoms the codeine caused on top of what has been there for a long time, and then you feel physically compelled to use a more powerful opiate medication and eventually die of opiate pain medication addition and never really get full relief from your mental health symptoms. That is the path you are on.

Or

You can get help to get off codeine, feel like crap for a much shorter time, and find more effective mental health care for your symptoms. It will be hard. It will get much better than how things are for you now. It will be worth it.

But it's your choice either way. It's in your hands to choose to get help to get off the codeine or not, and get proper treatment for what you are medicating with the codeine.

It is clear that what you are doing now isn't working for you.

My heart goes out to you. I know things are really awful right now, and that feeling the hyperarousal and diasociation symptoms is very hard. I so get that. I don't judge you, I want you to feel better - that's why I'm trying to be clear about your options. I hope you really consider how well the codeine is working for you and how much it is harming you and screwing up your chance to get better. There is hope and help out there. It's going to take making hard choices and enduring tough things, but I think you can do it and get to the other side and live more of the life you want to live.

 

[joeylittle]

I once was really drugged with hydrocodone, which is similar to codeine. I thought I sounded and wrote fine. But when I stopped the hydrocodone and read what I wrote from a place off being off the medication... whoa.

Just seconding this. I really, really thought I was totally fine, normal, and clear when I was on hydrocodone. And I was so, so, so wrong. People replayed conversations back to me, and I was shocked at how little sense I was making.

You might need to be on an anti-anxiety med, but Codeine isn't really a first-choice drug for that, specifically because of the addiction (totally inevitable, the withdrawal symptoms are bad) and the tolerance (your body adjusts very quickly and you need more and more, which then does a number on your liver, among other things).

Withdrawal is tough. Stopping codeine is really hard. But is probably a solid step forward for you.

 

[It was only anxiety]

Wow okay I thought i was getting worse due to exposure and the codeine was helping.

I do have a thought disorder right now.

My shrink does want me off codeine and is trying to work out what to do with me.

Do you think I need methadone? I'm only on a small dose of codeine but it's obviously affecting me a lot. I have a gene thing where some drugs affect me strongly I didn't know codeine was one of them I just thought most my friends couldn't metabolize it.

 

[Justmehere]

Codeine can actually cause unusual thoughts. If you have an underlying thought disorder, chances are, the codeine is making it much worse.

My uncle has a thought disorder (among other problems). He used to be very addicted to alcohol. He drank because he was in a lot of emotional pain, and desperate for relief. He thought the alcohol was helping even his thinking patterns – that’s part of what addictive drugs and the addiction process does, it tricks your brain into thinking they are helping, so you stay hooked and keep taking more of the drug. It’s a vicious cycle. As is very common for addictions, my uncle’s mental health symptoms actually got much worse because of his drug use – in his case, alcohol. So as he felt worse, he would drink more, and as he drank more, he felt worse…

Eventually, my uncle was incarcerated for being intoxicated in public and he finally stopped drinking. Once he did, his delusional thinking patterns dramatically improved. Medications for his mental health symptoms started working a lot better. His sobriety is not easy, but he is much happier, much more functional, and doing a lot better overall.

I have a friend who is a nurse who got addicted to several prescription medications. The first time she stopped them, she went to rehab and was prescribed methadone to help with the withdrawal from the prescription meds. Methadone is actually a narcotic medication, with it’s own addiction/abuse potential. People often have to go in to a clinic or doctor’s office and pick it up every day, get monitored by a nurse, and then go through a separate withdrawal process to eventually get off methadone.

My friend later relapsed and went off the prescription meds by tapering them down. Some people go off prescription meds by doing it cold turkey. There are a lot of ways to do it.

I highly suggest talking with your doctor and figuring out what plan is best for you and getting the right support around you to help you through the process of stopping the codeine. It is likely that as you withdraw from the codeine, your doctor can prescribe other medications that are more appropriate than codeine for symptoms that come up.

 

[joeylittle]

Do you think I need methadone? I'm only on a small dose of codeine but it's obviously affecting me a lot.

Are you a recovering heroin addict? Or just the methadone for the codeine? My gut would be you're going to have to suffer eventually, avoid the methadone phase if you can. Methadone is just a "clean" version of a strong opiate; you get the relief without as much of the high. But it is equally as addicting.

If your shrink, in conjunction with a doctor, thinks methadone as part of a step-down is a good plan for you, then yes, obviously. But otherwise, I think it's likely you just need to taper slowly and make sure you have good therapeutic support throughout. Like @Justmehere said :).

Have you done a full history with your therapist? If you've ever had a true psychotic episode (diagnosed) or suspect you might be bi-polar (again, you have to talk this through with a doctor) - you might consider, if you can, going inpatient in order to come off the codeine and start adding a mood stabilizer.

The codeine will be doing something pretty powerful to your system, and if you've ever been symptomatic in a way that could render you a danger to yourself or others, it's just better to do the detox with supervision. because that's basically what it is - detox.

 

[It was only anxiety]

I've been an inpatient with mdd and psychosis. I'm not schizophrenic, honestly I'm borderline.
A second Thai psychologist said to me i have ptsd. Mine is from amphetamines, years ago.

I go psychotic easily and it gives me trauma.

I've been prescribed abilify for mood but me and my family don't think i need it.

Instead I'm doing diet and exercise and message therapy which is going great.

I'm taking a holiday and instead of binging on otc codeine and legally importing it back in bulk i think i will just come off it.

Thanks for the info btw I had no idea why i was acting so crazy i thought it was the hyper arousal.

I'm getting my cortisol and thyroid checked this week.

 

[The Albatross]

Substitutions are a sign of addiction. Co-concurrent treatment of SUDS (Substance Abuse Disorders) and mental illness are the new wave but chemical insulation and drug seeking behavior is not your friend. You need to have a serious conversation with a mental health professional about this.