How Far Gone Am I?

[bell]

Going off a medication because you and your family think you don't need it is a potentially dangerous game. I went off Abilify and was fine for a month and then plummeted downhill. When I started taking it again, I was fine within a day.

I would strongly advise you to make medicinal choices with your doctor, not with either yourself or your family, as neither you nor them have the proper knowledge needed to keep you medicinally safe.

 

[It was only anxiety]

I'm seeing an addiction and bpd specialist.

About the abilify I was never on it. It was suggested because I got triggered and needed a course of risperidone but was fed up with increased prolactin.

My doctor only suggested it because my family were concerned about my mental state at the time.

I'm doing everything reasonable to help myself which they say is rare.
I think I should be okay until i do dbt. My ptsd symptoms are improving.

My problem right now is adhd hyper focus but that's for another forum.

I know it sounds like I'm being reckless but I'm very careful. My doctor is just a bit impatient with seeing an improvement in me. He also does not know about positive psychology. I went to the black dog institute myself and got leaflets on helping myself. I'm quite resourceful it's just that doctors can't give advice or even tell me what personality disorder I have.

 

[The Albatross]

So I'd say that methadone is a no. I have ADD/ADHD, and my shrink wrote a book you might find noteworthy. Peter T. Oas, http://www.amazon.com/Peter-T.-Oas/e/B001K8K3DA Apparently his book is no longer in print but used copies are available. It helped me.

 

[Justmehere]

That's great you are seeing and addiction specialist. If even an addiction specialist is losing patience with you - I would take that as another red flag that what you are doing isn't working well wnough. It sounds like you are taking a couple of other steps by finding other ways to cope with symptoms. Your proactive is very good to have - and it's not enough.

It's likely the doctors can't figure out whqt personality disorder you have and/or are not telling you because of the codeine abuse. It is also possible they did tell you but you forgot because drug abuse can lead to memory issues.

It's also going to be ineffective to treat the personaility disorder if you are not also treating the addiction throughly.

I'm glad you are not importing more codeine. You need to take more steps.

DBT is a great idea. I have done it and found it very helpful.

You are going to have times where you feel ok - but that's just the codeine and the denial that comes with addiction. You don't sound good at all.

In the end, you are very highly symptomatic. I hope you use that proactive spirit to line up help and resources and information about how to do the very hard work of beat the codeine addiction too!

 

[It was only anxiety]

Thanks I'm actually off codeine but I'm a bit hyper aroused now and don't know what to do. I most certainly have bpd. It's unethical to diagnose it in Australia I think unless you've been to jail which i haven't.
I did almost die though which is when I got diagnosed by an angry resident shrink.
My current shrink has ruled everything out but adhd and cluster b pd.
His speciality is getting people off alcohol and heroin and facilitating them.
The bad thing is I saw a social worker and they are suggesting I don't drive and consider disability. Australia has a great disability system. I'm actually too crazy for jail and too crazy for a psychologist i have medical ptsd and I think combat ptsd, although unsure of combat ptsd. I was seen by THE shrink of the Australian army but he was saying things for people with cptsd and he took great care of me as an inpatient.

So ummm I'm severe but I have enough npd in me to try get better.

My problem today is hyper arousal and my mind won't shut up. I don't want anti psychotics because I'm not bipolar or schizophrenic.

So yeah medical system didn't see me coming :(

I want something to shut my mind up, will minipress or proponolol do this?

I'm like the guy in one flew over the cuckoo's nest but they can't force anything on to me.

 

[joeylittle]

I don't want anti psychotics because I'm not bipolar or schizophrenic.

Drugs that are classified as "anti-psychotics" aren't used only for people with psychosis. I've been on a few, and they can be enormously helpful. Honestly, if your doc is recommending them, you should seriously give them a shot.

Because Abilify, for example? Saved my life. At the time, my only diagnosis (and it was accurate) was for major depression.

If you want the system to help you, you're going to need to trust in the system, you know?

 

[Justmehere]

Hey, way to go in terms of making the decision to stop the codeine! That's a huge step!

Right now, things are going to feel kinda extra awful. It's part of withdrawing. It will get better.

Your pysch sounds like a good doc.

I've taken antipsychotics myself. One of them did wonders for my anxiety. Yeah, I was hesitant to, but @joeylittle is right - antipsychotics are used for a number of things. They basically help slow down nerves that are firing too fast, which is what could be playing a role in your hyperarousal symptoms.

It may be wise to not drive while you figure all this out. I drove one when I had a ton of symptoms and crashed my car. It's something I'm still paying for two years later. :( Disabiloty sucks, but it might give you te resources to really focus on your recovery and building a different and better future. It's all hard steps either way. For now, try to just focus on today and getting through.

Has your treatment team talked to you about things like deep breathing? It sounds silly, but training ourselves to take slow deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth - this actually sends a signal to the body to calm down. It's has a stronger effect over time. It's not a complete solution, but it might help a little with the symptoms you are experiencing now.

Keep up the good work!

 

[It was only anxiety]

Thanks guys this forum is very helpful to me. I don't meet the criteria for ptsd but everything for it helps so much and I have been diagnosed twice. I don't think drug induced ptsd is official.

I have started back on risperidone but I am a bit worried about going on and off meds.



I'm upgrading my cover for inpatient treatment so I can get proper care.

Right now I have insomnia and don't know what to do.
I think I'm just gonna breath focus with white noise.

 

[Justmehere]

If you have been diagnosed with PTSD or are even wondering about PTSD being a possible diagnosis, I would consider that enough to be welcome here. :) Some of the things help PTSD can help other mental health conditions too. Insomnia is really common. You can try using the search function above to find threads on insomnia.

I imagine that part of the insomnia is from he withdrawal / rebound hyper arousal symptoms. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I read something really boring - like how to file taxes. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it really doesn't help. The good thing is that I think the insomnia should decrease as time goes on.

I can relate to being leery about going on and off meds. The process of finding the right medication and sticking with it can be very difficult.
For what it is worth, you actually come across more and more clearly with every post. It sounds like you are taking a lot of good proactive steps too by upgrading your insurance too. Way to go!

 

[It was only anxiety]

Thanks.
I'm still off the codeine but still have good and bad days. My fitness is to the point now where it provides a good benefit. What is helping me right now:
Mindful jogging so no music
Sauna
Cold shower
Just listening to music
Just relaxing (cbt/meditation)

My shrink also has me doing new things rather than being stuck in routine. I felt really good after the sauna and still today.

I just hope the benefits aren't temporary and are actual changes to my mind.

 

[Justmehere]

Hey, that's great you have been able to stay off the codeine and that things are changing. You still sound much more clear and it's easy to follow you. It's a remarkable change in your writing alone.

Is the insomnia getting any better? Or is that part of having some good days and some bad ones? People tend to get worse for awhile, and then it gets better and better. There might be some tough patches along the way, but I think you will keep having more and more good days as time goes on. You have done a lot of great work already!

I've just started giving mindful exercise a try, with no music or distraction. I know I can do it. I used to swim a lot - with no music. But lately, I find it's very hard for me to run without music. It's been a tough challenge for me. How is it going for you? Do you run for long periods of time?

 

[It was only anxiety]

The insomnia is random I think it's when I have stress such as with a girl I'm dating or something at home with my family.

I know before I had trouble exercising without music but since starting an ssri cbt and mindful jogging is easy.

I have in the past ran for a long time but that was with music which caused me to over do it, I listen to my body now not a bunch of numbers.

I think with magnesium, and exercise etc my stress tolerance can go back to baseline which was practically no stress but I'm wildly guessing that could have been due to dissociation. I think that's why sometimes when people start zoloft or prozac they suicide or homicide because it snaps you out of dissociation which I hypothesize is a trauma defense.

Anyway I'm trying my best not to be a loose cannon, I was gonna practice firing an ak here in Vietnam but doing archery instead.
My biggest problem now is rage which I do vipassana for so I can stay out of jail.

What's funny is I'm not a war vet or anything just a bloke who's stupidly done a lot of drugs which now my doctors suggest is similar to war, so it's like I went to war with myself. Bpd parasuicidal behaviour :/

I've had cancer and also lucky I didn't od on coke or amphetamines.