How Long Do You Need To Prepare To Face The Day?

[lost4awhile]

OKRADLUCK-I have to have a routine for everything practically!:) The mornings and nights are the most important. When I wake up I take longer than I should to get out of bed, mainly b/c I am trying to convince myself it won't be that bad. Then I dissociate for a good 20 minutes at the tv, usually part of a happy movie to change my pessimistic or scared attitude of the world. After that is preparing myself, instead of enjoying me time. I spend about(and this embaressing to admitt) an hour in front of the mirror trying to look perfect and kind of connect to "me." I feel more grounded throughout the day if I try to get to know me before I go out. I know that prob.sounds strange? Does anyone else do this? Anyways, the rituals of the day let me know that I did everything correctly, if that makes sense. It's the quickest and best way to get through the day with the best results.

 

[Srain]

My routine is usually the same for whether I'm going out or not. If I'm feeling well enough I add a good walk in and that's about the only change outside of limiting my time online or making a phone call or two. I don't like late afternoon appts at all. I just don't feeling like I being "up for it" all day, it wears me out so I try to get morning appts. I begin my day so early at this juncture that late afternoon appts are like midnight appts for me so it's very wearing and to be alert for school buses and rush hour traffic is not something I want to deal with given the stuff I've been dealing with.

So I like having knowing ahead of time what, where, and when. (Control issues.) I give myself several hours to wake up and MUCH less time to actually get ready these days than I use to because I don't do much makeup anymore, I worry less about that for some reason but I can still get stuck in "what do I wear???" mode. Which I don't understand because I have plenty of decent clothes but I still have trouble looking in the mirror. That can trip me up until the last minute sometimes no matter how much time I have. It's always been an issue...I don't recognize the person in the mirror kind of thing. I always manage to get to my destination early regardless of what I put myself through.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Srain and Lost----that is very strange because I was just thinking how much I do not feel human. I was looking at a picture of a model from Sears or Wal Mart or something wearing their clothes and I was staring at it for so long, trying to cconnect anything and there was nothing.

I do not understand make up. I try to wear it, but I do not understand. I do not understand clothes or how she feels. She has feelings and I see this in people inthe world. They have a range of feelings and thoughts that are random and fleeting and layers of a person. Layers they are not even aware of that make them who they are.

It upsets me. I can't put new layers down. They will not stick. I tried at work........but the memory issues just stop a new layer from sticking. It was hard to be there, but it was also hard to have one thing lead to another. One piece of learning GENERALLY leads to two etc......Not me.

My layers are stripped. I try to add more. I tried to fake a boyfriend. I tried to fake work. I tried to fake riding around in a car like I was a person with a place to go. No. I have no place to go. I have no person left. The clothes I wear are not what I want to wear.
A single piece of me is there.......and that is all. No matter how much I throw at it.................

I hope this makes sense. In short--------do I ever feel disconnected!!!!

 

[lost4awhile]

Srain and Lost----that is very strange because I was just thinking how much I do not feel human. I was looking at a picture of a model from Sears or Wal Mart or something wearing their clothes and I was staring at it for so long, trying to cconnect anything and there was nothing.

Yeah, it's just like who am I?