How Long It Took You The Believe That Your Flashbacks Are Real?

[Hope1969]

The question is for those of you who didn't remember the abuse but started to have sudden flashbacks of the abuse.

I started to have flashbacks of abuse from my childhood few months ago. The flashbacks feel real as if thay are happening in the present moment. When I experience them I believe it's real and it did happen. But when they finish I start to have self doubt again.
I read in other posts here that some of you say that the flashbacks are real and it takes time for the brain to admit that the abuse happened.

My question is how much time it took you to believe yourselves and what did you do for that to happen.

 

[hodge]

I'm not sure I did anything consciously. I think they just finally overwhelmed me to the point of seeking help. Then it was only a couple weeks before I could admit all this stuff affected me so badly. I honestly don't think it was anything I did, except to finally accept the truth of everything that happened to me and how it screwed me up. I hope you can, too. That's a crucial part of healing. :hug: if that's okay.

 

[NoNameFits]

I didnt do much because i thought i was lieing to myself when i got the flashbacks, because i had so much hatred to my abuser....Then recently i talked to my dad and he told me, yes this happened with my abuser yes this flashbacks took place and was surprised i remembered them.

Not a good coping thing but it helped me. I think it would of been worse if i remembered after a while.

 

[Hope1969]

thought i was lieing to myself when i got the flashbacks cuz i had so much hatered to my abuser.

Amazing. I can't believe myself because I loved so much the "abuser". But if I hated him I wouldn't believe myself because I hate him.

 

[NatBird]

I don't have trouble believing a memory/flashback. It's more that I have trouble believing how pervasive the effects of incidents have been. I regularly go into denial about this. I am still in a lot of denial. It seems the more I travel this road the more I see, feel, re-member the impact - that at time feels hard to believe, too much.

 

[mylunareclipse]

I have had my flashbacks go on for 10 months now. In the beginning it was extremely shocking but I thought that maybe it was a one time occurrence and it wasn't that bad and that I just didn't remember. At this point I wanted to hold my little girl and hold her so much. After this the flashbacks started becoming more and more violent and it seemed like a thing that happened over a longer period of time, so then I started denying everything. I don't know exactly where I am now. I have come to the point of accepting that something has happened to me, but yet I feel detached from the effects that something like that would have had on me. It's daunting to think that I might never know the whole truth. But at least I have come to accept that something happened as when my body memories come, my body gets locked up and my hands, throat etc move in a way that I am aware of but that I feel like I cannot control as I am in the background. Only this has made me finally believe that at least some part of this is true.

But to answer you question I think I truly truly started believing it about 6 months after they first showed up.

 

[sun seeker]

When I experience them I believe it's real and it did happen. But when they finish I start to have self doubt again.

That's normal. The flashbacks are state-dependent; that is, they feel real when for some reason you are in a state close enough to the state you were in when the trauma happened (through whatever triggered you or the mental/emotional/physical state of being you are in at the time). Then you go back into your usual day-to-day state of being and they don't feel real anymore. It's a form of dissociation, and it's useful to keep you from being overwhelmed.

I think many people follow a similar path with this. First there is an almost obsessive need to know whether the memories are real. Then you start processing the trauma. Then you get so overwhelmed by the intensity that you start wishing you'd never remembered in the first place.

Now? I still want to know in more detail, but it's not my main focus. It's more like "whatever it takes to get all this crap out of my life so I can feel okay again! Please!" How long has that taken? For me, from when I started to remember, about three years. To start believing it was real though? Hard to say, there were a lot of switchbacks and doubting along the way. I'd say I stopped obsessing over whether it was real, oh, maybe six months ago.

 

[Hope1969]

I don't have trouble believing a memory/flashback. It's more that I have trouble believing how pervasiv...

One of the things that help me believing myself is to see the effect of the abuse at all aspect of my life. And yet, sometimes I feel that my T is more shocked from "the story" than myself. It's like something that happened to someone else. Yes terrible things. I agree. But what it has to do with me?!!

 

[Hope1969]

Thank you everybody for sharing your experience. It supported me very much. I understand that it takes time and I should be patient with my self ( well .. Until the next panic attack on this issue:) )
Thanks!!!

 

[sun seeker]

One of the things that help me believing myself is to see the effect of the abuse at all aspect of my life.

It's like something that happened to someone else.

It's funny how these two facts can coexist, isn't it? I have much the same experience a lot of the time.

 

[Hope1969]

It's funny how these two facts can coexist, isn't it? I have much the same experience a lot of the...

Yep
i dont believe myself but if someone will tell me it didnt happen i will be very angry :-)

 

[NightSky]

^ I've said that so many times. I don't believe myself. But no one better tell me it's not true. It's such a hard place to be in. For me, my first flashback happened 18 years ago. And I'm only now doing what some mentioned- processing them despite not knowing. Sounds like a lot quicker turnover for others so I hope it is for you. I can just tell you that if you wait to be sure you may end up wasting a lot of years of your life. For so many years I've been afraid of lying and it has gotten me nowhere. Be patient. But don't sit back and wait to feel sure. That would be my advice.