How long until you ask for help?

[piratelady]

I just had therapy. He was trying to get a more comprehensive social history before we dive into processing. Well, we ran out of time. He asked if we should stop early and talk about lighter material, but I was in the mindset that we should finish ripping the band aid off.

When he was walking me out he said he was concerned he didn’t get through everything and get “it all buttoned up”. My next appointment isn’t for 2 weeks though. He said if I felt at all triggered to call him and he would find a way to get me in. Me, being me, smiled and said I was fine.

So far I’m not but it hasn’t been very long. My question is how long to I give it to try to calm myself down.

We left off with my ex, who was my most recent abuser. Now I’m just replaying the worst pieces of abuse through my head over and over and my heart is racing and I’m shaking. Maybe it will just pass?

 

[Esterio]

Now I’m just replaying the worst pieces of abuse through my head over and over and my heart is racing and I’m shaking. Maybe it will just pass?

This is the time to call! You sound to me like you are getting triggered. He said if you are feeling at all triggered to call.

Peace be safe
Esterio

 

[UnKnown-Self]

If you can call perhaps you should. In the meantime ground. Whatever works for you.
Do a search, I'm sure there are excellent articles and threads here about grounding.

 

[piratelady]

I feel weak and ashamed if I call. Like I can't even handle giving a detailed account of my life how will he ever be able to help me with my trauma. My hope is that maybe this is like post-therapy brain fog and it'll pass. Maybe I'll give it until morning and see how I feel. I thought my husband had somewhere to be tonight and I could sit at home alone but he's here. He knows something is wrong, but I worry that if I tell him (he doesn't know I have PTSD) it'll open a can of worms I can't deal with effectively right now.

I just want to cry. Or figure out how to bottle this back up again for two weeks. I can usually put feelings away for a while, but I don't know, this all feels like a lot. It's like I'm back with my ex, all the horrible things. Two of them just keep going through my mind, well and the time he cornered me and yelled at me until I broke. At least that wasn't physical abuse. Well, that was pretty bad. I just don't know. I'll see if I can find more info on this site about grounding. My first search didn't work very well, but my ability to focus is a little lacking.

 

[FragileGlass]

Is your current relationship aware of your past abuse? If he is, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a surprise for him to know you’re melting down and why.

 

[piratelady]

Is your current relationship aware of your past abuse?

Not entirely. I know, I'm a bad person. He knows I "had a bad marriage" and a few things not to do that "upsets" (aka triggers) me. That's it. I'm thinking maybe I'll just put it on star trek reruns and see if I can get lost in that I guess. I also have some of those hot cinnamon candies I think I'll suck on those for a while. Thank you.

 

[FragileGlass]

You’re not a bad person, all of us with traumas move forward at the present trying to bury the past. That’s just us trying to find normalcy. Nothing with that.

Before I offer my next advice, your current relationship is supportive of you, he’s not doing anything that triggers your past?

 

[piratelady]

He triggers me a lot lately, but I've just been more sensitive. He is supportive and tries to help if I can actually ask for it.

 

[FragileGlass]

Are the triggers because he is probing what is wrong or his behaviour naturally reminding you of your past that leave you feeling threatened?

 

[piratelady]

His behavior naturally reminds me of my ex. He gets angry, not at me, but it just reminds me of when my ex would get mad at me...

 

[EveHarrington]

Next time tell your therapist that you need to button it all up with containment exercises.

You left it all open, so I’m not surprised that you’re having a rough go of it.

It may take a few days to calm down again (or longer).

 

[piratelady]

I think I got about 4 hours of sleep or so. I emailed my therapist and told him I'm not doing well after our appointment yesterday. I wish I had deferred to him and stopped earlier so we could put all my mental crap away. I guess this was a lesson for both of us. A lesson for me to defer to him on these things and a lesson for him that I'm maybe not as good at knowing my tolerance as I'd like to believe.

I've never had someone dig that deep on a social history before, I mean, on what we covered he left no stone unturned. Maybe I just have too many stones. ...as odd as that sounds. I know he'll reach out to me at a normal hour, I just hope he can help somehow. Right now if just all feels like too much.