How Many Therapist Absences Before It's Too Much?

[Kintsugi]

That seems like a helluvah lot to deal with to me. My T practices privately as an aside from her full time job, so her schedule is extremely challenging sometimes, but I knew that going in, and I have adjusted my work schedule to accomodate her available hours. If something happens and we can't meet, or if I decide last minute I need a sooner/extra/moved session, she will literally do everything in her power to help me work it out. The last time I decided I needed an extra session, I asked two days before the slot, which wasn't available, but it became available at 10:30pm the night before, and she emailed me to say she'd be happy to see me.

We have had long stretches (nearly two months at a time), but I only see her twice a month, and those stretches were because of mutual conflicts. She birthed a baby, I went on vacation, she had vacation... just mutually circumstantial stuff. I'd be pretty upset if my T were inconsistent and gave no reason for long (weeks) absences. :(

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@nightwalker I guess it really started with Thanksgiving ... and I'm not upset about that, I think that her absences over the holidays were justified, and I anticipated those. I also had no problem only seeing her once a week for the weeks leading up to the holiday. All of that somehow seemed normal and justified. The tough part has been after the holiday, especially since I've been struggling so much. I'm also tired of working so hard to accomodate her. What about me?

She told me ahead of time that she would be away for these three weeks but its frustrating because there is nothing I can do - asking her to not go won't make her stay, you know?

I'm just not sure what to do in the meantime other than look for a new therapist. But I'm exhausted. She's the second one this year. Do I just keep picking lemons?

I just feel like she doesn't care. It reminds me of my mother so much - the utter dependence I have on her emotionally, and the lack of consistency and reciprocity on her behalf. So, am I just projecting? Is this a real problem?

 

[watundah]

I had this exact same problem and I tolerated it for way too long before I said anything. My day is Monday and she takes a LOT of long weekends. Instead of rescheduling me to a different day of the week of her outage, she just told me we wouldn't meet that week. After three months in a row of her missing a session to go on long weekends, I'd had it. There were even months where she missed two sessions. I wrote her an email about how her outages were excessive. She tried to push back about how this was indicative of something else (like it was MY problem) but I insisted that the inconsistency was counter productive and if she was only going to be available part time, she should have told me that in the beginning. I was taking it to heart and felt hurt because I dont work and can go any day of the week. Since our chat, she hasn't missed a session for two months. I know it's a stressful job, they need time off, go to training etc., but the on again off again is extremely difficult to get a flow going. I dropped her a note this week telling her that I appreciated her flexing her schedule, because I do and wanted to remind her of the importance to me, but you would think after 25 years in practice she would already know the importance of commitment.

Sorry to rant on but I wanted to let you know you're not alone in this. I suggest you put it all out there because it's the only way she'll know she's not meeting your needs and if it doesn't change, find someone else. I was ready to and I shall if she digresses. We really do need to feel we have someone reliable on our side vs someone who's only half in the game. We've already had enough of that shit. Best of luck.

 

[Friday]

If I'm remembering correctly... You've been debating IOP or inpatient, yes? Seems like maybe focusing your energy on that could kill 2 birds with 1 stone: get you the immediate support you very much need, and if you have part of your exit-plan to include getting a new therapist who can adequately support you during the transition... Then the IOP/inpatient people could maybe assist you in finding one better suited to you & your needs? Immediate support now, & help finding continuing support.

 

[HappyJock]

@nightwalker I guess it really started with Thanksgiving ... and I'm not...

Ah, I see. Yes, that is the way to think; ask yourself, "What about me?!" With what you've been through, I can only just try imagining. But, I know it's traumatic and my personal opinion is that you may be better off with someone who has a very good track record with their consistency. Don't give up! It takes time to find one. I'm on my sixth one now and only on the sixth one did I find the one that I work brilliantly with. Even then, there can always be something else. Don't ever think you're projecting. You are deserving of the care you go there for and not to be shown inconsistency. You don't need someone who will remind you exactly of someone who seems to be the person you want to avoid with regards to just focusing on you and getting better and there's nothing wrong with that. :hug: Just keep picking those lemons until you find that one. Even if it takes 100 just for the moment you say "She's it/he's it."

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@FridayJones Yes, I've been thinking about more intensive programs. I think I'd rather avoid inpatient, however, as I think that the impact on my life would be pretty significant. So, that leaves me with intensive outpatient or partial hospital, all of which I need her referral for - which I can't get until she's back in the office three weeks from now.

So, problem remains.

I hate to be such a downer here. I'm just so frustrated with the delay in being able to get a referal, especially because the programs have wait lists once the referrals are in, so I'm looking at months, potentially, before I can access more care. At that point, it might be useless and pointless to me.

I also wonder how long I can make it like this, realistically ....

 

[Friday]

all of which I need her referral for

Hmmm. I wonder how true this is?... Not as in you're lying, but there have to be patients admitted who don't have their own counselors at present... So I wonder if that's completely true IF you already have a counselor, but they have a different protocol for people without counselors? ((Like an evaluation appointment -either with the clinic themselves, or an independent diagnostician like an MSW-, or any doctor -PCP, GP, ER... aka any healthcare pro you could loop on board.))

From working hospital admin, there are usually half a dozen or more paths from point A to point B. In each department, we'd be trained in all available options as well as screening questions for patients. So that we wouldn't overwhelm them with irrelevant options (or make our jobs harder), but go down the "How easy is it for us?" list of questions, and as soon as we got an affirmative (usually at question 1) we'd stop there. Like "Do you have insurance? Yes? Okay here is what we need from them, period, before we can move forwad. We absolutely cannot do A-Z until we have prior authorization."

So I wonder if you called them up and asked what the protocol is if you don't have a counselor to refer you, or what the best avenue to pursue would be to get a referral... if they'd give you some more options?