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How Often Do You Have Good Days?

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Things feel good and I start to worry about where/when the freight train is going to come back.
Oh yes. I know. It's so sad on good days to think it's inevitable.

Also staffy, I am curious about the quality and condition of other people's good days. Does it almost feel like you're normal? As if you're not afflicted at all. Like normal, miracle healed? Because that's how they feel for me. It's unbelievable to me that in the midst of this I have days like that.
 
Yeah, at least to the best of my knowledge. I have pretty complex trauma that has gone on since I was a newborn, so "normal" isn't really a gauge I probably have, but I seem like your everyday normal person I think. I have days with no symptoms where I feel pretty ok. The last while I've even had days where I've spent the day feeling quite happy which is pretty new for me.
 
Obviously some days are better than others, but I have not had a day that I would call good in almost 5 yrs. What do I consider good? For me, that would be a good night sleep, free of triggers or intrusive thoughts. It would be a day of feeling free of ptsd, of forgetting my symptoms for only one day. A day free from anxiety that will lead to full blown panic without benzo.

Please know though, I think I am one of the unusuals. I have no significant other and probably never will. It is not so much being hurt by a partner but from telling a partner NO, and being assaulted by police as a result. Where I live, women are not permitted to say NO to a man without consequences. Strong women are not accepted and if single without some man watching their back, they are a target. Spending all this time alone probably keeps me from having a good day.
 
I have good days sometimes where I do forget for hours anything about PTSD. I feel joy and listen to great music and dance and write and laugh. Some times there are days that turn into weeks of lots of sludge or fight or flight. But almost always there are good moments in every day at the very least.

The nights though have rarely been free of PTSD. Struggle for sleep, adrenalin, wake up frequently when I do fall. Old neural pathways emerge and same old twists. It's so much harder for me at night. I fell asleep an hour ago and here I am wide awake.

I love the mornings though. A new day that may bring more healing.

In retrospect, life has gotten increasingly better at least during the day. "Sleep time" is the challenge when my body wakes me up. I don't know how to respond to it like I do during the day.
 
Most days I would have to classify as "good", even though most days I experience some anxiety. There is a constant low level of anxiety that I think I will always live with, but I don't have entire days of runaway PTSD symptoms very often. Also, I found the better I get at regrouping after a symptom flair up or managing myself during periods of stress, the greater my own confidence that I can have some control over this disorder. Having that knowledge and the confidence to manage this has made most days good days, even if there are daily rough spots.
 
I have more good days than bad. Keeping myself busy really works for me, although it has taken me a long time to get to this stage. I found that the more time I had on my own, I dwelt on the past, the future, mistakes I had made and just negative thoughts.

It hasn't been easy, actually quite hard work. I set goals for myself to achieve, working towards them one by one. The most important area was my health which was abysmal. I've been on disability since 2010 and never have to work again. The problem is it's terrible living on so little money, it becomes depressing, for me anyway. Slowly I went back into the work force and since last week I'm working full time.

What I'm trying to say is that mentally I feel a lot better. The PTSD is always there and it doesn't take much to send me over the edge. It's fantastic to have a lot more good days than bad.
 
I have more good than bad, but I am constantly aware of quickly I can slip. I do try and take good care of my mental well-being. I ensure I have time to myself daily and try not to commit to to many things.

I was watching a movie with my daughter, we had had a lovely day and the movie was great. One minute I was in a good place and the next I was screaming and crying at an accident scene in the movie. It took a while to calm myself, but I was able to concentrate on grounding.

So I enjoy each good day knowing that things can always change.
 
Every day above ground is a good day. With that being said, I look forward to sleeping more than living most days.

By working out(weights,swimming and planks) I feel caught in the moments by endorphin's that make that time special.

I highly recommend everybody try some type of physical activity.....it's bloody hard to take those first few steps admittedly.

Peace,

Max
 
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