How PTSD People Handle Break Up In Relationship? Just Share How You Deal It

[Deleted member 6646]

You got accept the break up and let her/him go??
Or you cannot accept the break up and had terrible break up?? Share your story.....

 

[Cthulhu]

I had very odd break-ups. I am not able to end a relationship in a normal way, I think, and it was always me who did it, who took the last step, but always them who took the first . My partners started to have a bit on the side, got cold towards me but did not say anything about it. I saw it, I felt it dying, but even at that point I could not end it. They did not do anything because I financed their lifes.
When I found a definitve proof of the things going on, I confronted them and broke up the relationship. I stayed friendly, in a dying, cold way but wanted to get them out of my house as soon as possible. Possibly we could have "stayed friends" in a very distanced way, and that is the oddest part of it, I did not hate them or something, yet I could understand why I had not been enough for them- I am a very special person, in many ways.

Well, the contacts ended totally because of my lack of active memory of the past- I do not really forget people, but I don't think oft them anymore if I don't see them every one or two days. My loss of attachment to anything I do not see for some days, a strange kind of missing object permanence.

 

[Deleted member 6646]

Reply

Do u thing ptsd people can handle the break up in a positive way like deleting all the message the gf/bf sent you. Throwing all the things remind you about the gf/bf. Then going build social life,getting friends, going gym,swimming etc. Make new friends etc after the break up. Can pstd people handle the break up like this??????

 

[becvan]

How each person handles a break up is very individual and depends on the persons coping skills and personality when it comes to PTSD. As for me, I simply calmly state why I am breaking up with the person, ensure all of my property and theirs is returned to each owner and I walk away. There is no fighting, no screaming, no excessive messages, nothing. I don't wait to break up with someone till the last possible second either, I leave when I know its not going to work. That way there is less drama and less pain because it hasn't been dragged out. If someone breaks up with me, then I just accept it. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. That is just pointless and painful.

If, having PTSD, you have already been in therapy and worked on coping skills, healthy boundaries, and self esteem you should not have to work on friends, social life and hobbies after the fact. You should have those things in place throughout each and every relationship. If you have not been in therapy working on those skills, you should be seriously considering it. It helps in all situations in life and will help you deal with relationship breakups in an adult mature manner.

bec

 

[Lonewolf87]

My most recent ex broke up with me this time last year...can't believe it's been a year...
we met online and after forming a very close friendship, eventually met in person and I fell so in love with him at that moment. He was my everything but most importantly, I trust him with everything. After the abuse I've endured, both sexual and emotional, I didn't tell anyone...except him. I never wanted to be intimate with anyone but then he came and that all changed. He also had the same problems I had and probably had slight PTSD too (he was a veteran). We loved each other so much but we also were the same personality-wise and when we clashed, we clashed and said lots of hurtful things to each other. He eventually left me, told me I never loved him and screamed I was too much of an emotional bitch to be with and he was glad to be rid of me. He was with another woman days later and my God....I wanted to die. It felt like I was stabbed in the heart repreatedly and I fell apart.

I still love him and it's been a year since we spoke. I was already hurt and broken from the abuse I suffered before this...the hurt and sadness of the breakup caused me to gain 20 lbs, either eat too much or little and I just sank into a horrible depression.

Now I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and no man will want to be with me. I'm envious how my girlfriends are happy in their relationships and as far as relationships with me go, all I know is rejection and lies and betrayal and abuse.

Sorry....had to get this out.

 

[Dougal]

My break-up occurred within the year prior to my diagnosis of PTSD. I was depressed and this put stress on the relationship. For me it was a relief when it was over. At the time it was just one less thing to think about. The break-up itself was not difficult. We drifted apart so no tempers, tantrums, etc. I think I would describe the event as sad. I harbour no ill will towards my partner. He is only human. I didn't understand what was happening to me at the time. If I didn't understand, I certainly could not have expected him to understand. Both of us were traumatized by what happened to me. This individual is and always will be a lovely person. We have sporadic contact and it is a pleasure each time we meet. There is no reconciliation in the stars for us and this is okay.

This is just an observation but I wonder sometimes if the difficulty with break-ups and having all these negative feelings might have something to do with one's readiness for the relationship in the first place? Hmmm...

I recently started dating. I am now at times almost too savvy when it comes to relationships. I am quick to spot people who have issues with boundaries. I am assertive. I speak my mind. I make my needs known. All the things I learned in counselling. I joke with my psychologist that he has created a monster.

Counselling has strengthened me. I recognize the role of readiness in terms of many aspects of my wellness journey. I accept that I am not yet ready for a deeper relationship with anyone. I feel the important thing wherever I go with this aspect of my life is that I take responsibility for my role in the relationship and if it doesn't work out, not blame it on the other person, my PTSD, etc. I hope this is answering the question.
CM

 

[LSNP]

I am horrifyingly bad at breaking up. I can't stand it. I hate it. I hate finality. I hate commitment of any kind. I hate the feeling of rejection and abandonment and aloneness.

 

[Alfarata]

Ah, an old thread but something I've been considering recently. I'm extremely bad at it. I've struggled now for seven months following a relationship that lasted only five: psychoanalyzing, dwelling, not moving on, working by myself to fix something she abandoned. She'd been a friend for nearly three years, so it's the death of something bigger, I guess. But putting myself out there was the first time I tried in six years, partially because the last break-up had been so extremely painful and devastating. I do think these struggles are, in part, due to having watched my best friend die a gruesome death at age 10. The present-day symptoms are surprisingly similar--fear, anxiety, mood swings, distractedness, prayers for "resurrection" and such. It is, unfortunately, a small town. So those prayers are often answered, only in anxious and uncomfortable circumstances.

 

[SandraLewis]

A breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past. It doesn't take wads of money to smooth over a breakup. In reality, surviving a breakup doesn't have to cost much at all, if you use these recommendations. Article resource: personalmoneynetwork,com

 

[saffy]

HI

With any breakup, at first, I would feel all sorts of things; Disappointment, anger, upset, grief, self doubt and sometimes even shock.

Sometimes I could see it coming, sometimes it was out of the blue, sometimes I think I deserved it and sometimes I wondered why.

I used to sit and torture myself with inner dialogue of why it happened, what I did wrong, what was the matter with me, how could I change and I must have deserved it.

Then I thought, why am I torturing myself. I cannot control their behaviour or thoughts or opinions or needs.

I realised in most cases I pushed them away, I realised my behaviour was so extreme that I could nto really blame him for going or to stop trying.

I have to remember that he will have his own issues, needs and demands. That I should not see myself as the only failure.

It takes two to make a relationship work. IF it fails it does not mean it is only one persons fault. If I felt ill at ease, it was because of my PTSD BUT it is also because I had chosen a person who would is not capable of putting me at ease.

If I felt used it was because I chose a looser and allowed it to happen.

If I felt unhappy or ignored then the person I chose is not the one who has the capability to make me happy through his actions.

I also felt that I was worried about being lonely, which put a lot of pressure on the other person. I should be happy to be by myself as well as with others, not too clingy.

I had to make sure I chose a better person who has the capability and maturity to be responsible for their own issues and behaviours but, visa versa, I had to learn to be that person too. :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Sarah Olano]

My PTSD is caused by emotional/psychological abuse, as a result of following my heart and being so hopelessly romantic and passionate and all-giving to my first love. Because I was convinced that he was the love of my life - I only saw the bright side of being 'his other woman'.

Five years passed by following the trauma, every man I met as I moved on were seen as friends. Its hard to become interested in someone else when you have already experienced love at first sight with someone who cant be yours. Anyhow I found myself finally, successfully recovering from the effects of the trauma. And then came this guy who started to call me constantly. Which led to him courting me. It was so difficult for me, because I only saw him as a friend. Although I sensed that his attention towards me has always been romantically inclined, I wanted to ignore the thought, and continued 'entertaining' him, meaning, to me, he's just another guy friend, and I was hoping it was gonna stay that way. Well his charm finally worked after some time so when I said yes, I warned him of my past. I said yes even if my entire being wanted to say no. I wasn't attracted to him.... but then I lied and told him that I actually had a crush on him. When we became a couple, I was in unfamiliar territory. We argued a lot, because he was so demanding and I was still understanding what a normal relationship was like. How it worked. I didn't know I was not supposed to communicate with other guys... then when he got jealous because he thought I was flirting with some other dude in class, he said he wanted me to feel the same thing. He wanted to make me jealous. So I went along with what he wanted to hear, I lied and told him I was jealous when he tried to flirt with another girl. Truth was, I didn't really care. It was just not the same as with my first love.

As 3 months passed, I gradually learned to believe in my lies. I convinced myself I was falling for him. I really do not know the truth anymore. Because he knew of my past, he did everything my first love had never been able to do for me, since I was the other woman. He called me every hour, every day. He knew everything about my lifestyle. He believed in all my lies about my feelings for him, because I sensed him forcing these lies out of me. He wanted to feel wanted, and I understood that, so i told him what he wanted to hear. In time, my lies became the truth. I think. And then when I was so used to him being in my life, when I got so used to him calls and attention, from the moment I woke up til the moment I hit the sack, one day, out of the blue, he broke up with me.

As for the break up, I cant say I handled it well. Seems like my lies backfired. After the breakup, I couldn't get over him. Though our three month relationship consisted of a daily arguments, disagreements, cold wars, jealousy, apologies, and maddening demands from his part, I constantly missed belonging to somebody. I was just starting to feel at home being linked to him. I enjoyed being in a normal relationship, though it was so short lived.

At first I was devastated. Then I was defensive. I wasn't gonna give him any satisfaction that he hurt me, even though he was aware of my painful past. I just let him be, I let him believe that it was he who first gave me such love and attention. I let him believe that I was hurting so bad. Anyhow, in time, the truth prevailed. He was nothing compared to my first love. I had to force everything. I adjusted to him, to his controlling behavior, I was open to learning the meaning of being a LEGAL girlfriend. I did it because I trusted in him, because I was willing to fall in love with him. And then he knew how to hurt me best. He admitted that breaking up with me was his revenge. Til now I do not know what made him call it quits. At first I did not know how to process the breakup, I did not know what I was feeling any longer. So I went on with my life, but my face got ravaged with cysts. I guess stress was expressed physically this time. The grief only stayed for several months. After that, I remembered I never even liked him. And unlike my first love, who, when he disappeared from my life, led me to several personality disorders and breakdowns for 7 long years, I forgot about this one in just several months.

Now, I'm sure Ill never commit to anyone else unless lightning strikes twice - meaning, if love at first sight ever happens again.

 

[MileOneal]

"Ah, an old thread but something I've been considering recently. I'm extremely bad at it. I've struggled now for seven months following a relationship that lasted only five: psychoanalysing, dwelling, not moving on, working by myself to fix something she abandoned. She'd been a friend for nearly three years, so it's the death of something bigger, I guess. But putting myself out there was the first time I tried in six years, partially because the last break-up had been so extremely painful and devastating."

Alfarata took the words out of my mouth.

When I went home on post-deployment leave this last month all me and my best friend Rose could do was butt heads over the dumbest things. We've been friends for over 4 years now I'm scared we may never talk again and being stationed overseas doesn't help any. It's like I was fated to be detached both emotionally and physically from everyone I love at a time I need them the most. Looking back at our relationship it feels like all I did was push her away while my heart screamed not to. It's like some dark wall goes up and you've got no control over the sentries and who they keep out or let in. All I want is some control again. But I start back with work tomorrow and we don't get a block leave again till Christmas. Really glad I found this forum to express what I'm going through.