How Should We Support Our Supporters?

[Lucycat]

At the moment, my husband Rory is struggling with his brother's recent diagnosis of leukaemia. BIL is in Oz. We are short on information, but I know that is due to geography and the 'busy' situation that a new diagnosis brings.

At the same time, my best friend, Laura, is having a really tough time at work. I went for a walk with her this morning and she was in tears. She cannot tell me the problem because of the confidential nature of her job. It is so very hard to comfort her and to know what to say that might help. I guess just getting out in the fresh air was good for both of us.

I want to help them both. I am feeling OK myself at the moment. But now the tables have turned I find myself unsure what to say or do.

 

[Nicolette]

I think you are doing everything any Supporter could want Brucielucy in that you are there for both of them and they know it. Sometimes just knowing that and having someone listen with concern is the best support anyone could ask for.

I know that as a Supporter of a different nature that it is often hard not to feel that our problems, while huge to us are of lesser importance due the the Sufferer's needs. Making Rory and Laura know that their struggles matter to you and that you are there for them is priceless IMHO.

 

[cherryblossom]

Just try to consider, how you like to be supported, and do the same for them. Probably a non-judgemental listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on. Perhaps also ask if there is anything practical you can do, like make a phone call, walk the dog, cook a meal.

It sounds to me like you are doing a grand job, by just being there. And as for anyone, who is supporting anyone else through a difficult time - remember to look after your self too, so you're not burnt out ;)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

This may or may not be a PTSD thing, but I find it very difficult to find words to comfort people. I just don't have any idea what to say or what not to say. Maybe it is becasue I just never had that sort of comfort, so I don't know how to offer it.

But with my husband, the best I can do is just be there. Make him dinner, sit and talk with him. Hold him. Seems to work the best and it really seems to help.

I think you are doing great so far. Just be careful that you don't upset yourself to much and make PTSD symptoms worse.

 

[Lucycat]

Just try to consider, how you like to be supported, and do the same for them. Probably a non-judgemental listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on.

Here I go again. Another crisis in a supporter, but I have taken heed of the advice you gave, CB. I am listening and trying so hard not to judge or say what I would do in the situation. It is not MY problem, and I have to let others seek their own solutions. But I am here for him and will listen whenever he wants to talk.

Oh how I wish I had a magic wand!

 

[anndeb]

Yep magic wands are in short supply, unfortunately. I too struggle with impulses to want to rescue people in need and somehow solve their problems for them. But I guess it just doesn't work that way.. or so I have found out.

My best supporter, Richard tends to build his whole world around me, risking a serious lack of balance in his life and the specter of codependency .. ugh! I struggle to find the fine line between encouraging him to branch out and find his own strengths beyond me and telling him in no uncertain terms what to do. Oh well, live and learn. :help: