How To Explain Triggers To My Loved Ones

[llv88]

My husband knows my traumas, but recently the nfl ray rice thing has him frustrated and he feels the need to vent to me about it. He wanted me to watch the video. I told him I couldn't because it is a trigger. He proceeds to explain in great detail the video anyway. I try not to dissociate on him and stay present, but my temperature rises, I feel anxious, I get a headache, and feel like I can't breath. I try on the outside to show calm so he can vent because if he can't he'll get his feelings hurt or mad because "I'm not listening". It doesn't matter how many breaths I take our how fidgety I get or if I tell him I'm anxious he needs to vent. I do not feel heard or understood at this point. How do I get him to get off his soapbox of frustration and see me practically having a panic attack right in front of him. It's a touchy subject, I wish I could help him through it, but I'm not able to at this time. I feel worse and he feels better. If this goes on another night, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't know how to get my needs meet, but I'm trying. What should I do?

 

[Bickslow]

It's incredibly difficult explaining a trigger to someone who doesn't know what they can do to us, so the first question I have is; does you husband have a decent understanding of what PTSD does? What Triggers really are? It's going to be impossible for him to be able to associate simple conversation with someone else, to pain and mental agony with you, without educating himself and knowing how to avoid the circumstance. The more he knows the better he will be able to do, especially if you find a way to be involved in the process without him feeling smothered or catered too.

Beyond that, if he is educated and doesn't seem to know when to stop. Stand your ground. And stand for your mental health. You don't deserve to have Triggers thrown in your face but someone who should be loving and supportive to you, it's not right. If he knows what is going on and refuses to stop, excuse yourself from the conversation without any misconception. "You know I can't handle discussion like this. We have been over it. You need to vent to someone else, this is not something I can handle." And walk away. If he loves you and feels and acts as a husband should it should be a nice shock to his system to force him to realize what is and is not ok. We do not control what sets us off, only how we handle it and our recovery. If you take a stand on what should not happen it should set Healthy Boundaries in place.

Point blank, and I have been there, it's easy for our loved ones/supporters to forget what goes on in our minds. The pain, the agony, the trauma from a simple word or action. There often aren't visible scars that show what our minds are dealing with. But standing up for yourself and protecting your mind is not only ok, especially to someone who should be supportive and loving, but healthy and can promote recovery in the long run. It isn't easy, but it's worth it, and you can do it. Educate or set boundaries, either one will sincerely help.

 

[RussH]

I have found that trying to explain PTSD to people who don't have it is almost impossible; they just don't get it, so explaining triggers falls into the same catagory. Unfortunately, unless our loved ones can walk in our shoes, they will never fully understand this part of us.