How to feel safe

[runswithwolves]

I've always struggled a lot with feeling safe, and with the uncertainty that comes with living. It is hard to live with the fact that no matter what you do, you can't 100% guarantee your own safety or that the trauma will not happen again. This has led me to add more and more locks and security devices around my home, and it never feels like enough. I've come to realize that no matter what I do to the house, there is always going to be that uncertainty and therefore the discomfort that comes with it. How do you deal with that? How do you manage knowing that you can't protect yourself totally and that your original trauma could occur in the future?

I learned MMA, I still have an security system, dogs, pepper spray, and more but now I know if everything fails I am the last weapon lol and to be honest I accept the fact that I could be killed or hurt anytime by those who victimized me but at least I know I could go down with a fight. Ive actually saved my life and others with the skills I learned several times. now please be careful if you do decide to train as well, and choose a center where they have an understanding and professionism with PTSD and not just meatheads that can be insensitive

 

[valke]

My exact words when I joined Tang Soo Do were, "I want to feel safe." The instructor said, "Welcome to the family!" Over time, I've come to realize, that I can prove to myself that I'm safe. It's great because the training isn't simply self-defense, it's also a chance to mature emotionally -- to become someone you trust. If you ever feel like trying something like that, give yourself a lot of compassion and encouragement! Tang Soo Do lessons are a safe place to be scared and vulnerable and work through that to a place of confidence and security. It takes time but you can get there! :)

 

[whiteraven]

I struggle a little with what safety actually means. "Protected or not exposed to danger or risk" is what I read as a definition and this seems to encompass quite a bit as it relates to those who have experienced trauma.

I have a general feeling all of the time of not being safe, but I think the particulars of that have changed over time. Over a period of many years, that meant physical safety. I had several instances during which someone entered my apartment (this happened with the last 3) without my knowledge - once, I stepped out of the shower and there was a man in my living room. So...it became extraordinarily important that, at some point, I figure out a way to feel/be physically safe. None of those feelings went away until I bought my own place. And it's weird, after I bought my condo, the sense of being unsafe has passed. I can even leave a window open or a door unlocked and it doesn't bother me at all.

Now, I think I feel emotionally unsafe. People don't feel safe to me, because people lie and betray and cheat and steal. I've dealt with an immense amount of betrayal in the last several years, which just added to all of that from when I was little. I don't have a lot of solid, trustworthy people in my life, so I think the way I have learned to deal with that is to isolate to a degree and to surround myself with animals. I tried for a very long time to fit in and just work with the things/people who contributed to my feelings, but it just never worked for me. I finally - after years and years - decided that I really need to do what's best for me and stop trying to be how everyone else thinks I should be.

So...I mostly keep to myself and avoid situations that cause me issues. Yep, it's avoidance, but I feel much better and I'm not missing out on anything, as far as I'm concerned.