Relationship How To Give Space???

[Iamhere]

Yea I think that's just a men thing. My ex use to call me that, actually he still does. If anything he's the crazy one for trying to get back together after 6 miserable years of being together. Lol

 

[Yourghost]

I'm going through the same, again, myself. I find it's helpful to make notes to myself when it happens, so I can refer to them the next time. I know that sounds weird, but it really does help. With my sufferer though, the isolation tends to last a while. Anything from about 4 days to 4 weeks is standard. 4 months was the longest. It's crap but you do get used to it and learn how to cope. My notes say things to reassure myself, like he will come back, the first few days are the hardest, etc. Attempting contact is totally futile (in my case anyway) and worrying about him drives me crazy so I try not to. One of the best bits of advice I've ever had was "don't be a domino." If they're in self destruct mode, it's best to get out of the line of fire. Remove yourself from the situation so you can't be toppled over. Easier said than done, of course, but you need to think about you.

 

[Iamhere]

One of the best bits of advice I've ever had was "don't be a domino." If they're in self destruct mode, it's best to get out of the line of fire.

Yes that's what I realized this last time I let it get to me so bad that the first 2 days I was in bed isolating my self and then I realized that I had nothing to do with it and that I had to keep moving on with my life for my own sanity.

 

[KyGirl31]

Four months? Wow! I couldn't do it. I would just assume the relationship is over and try to move on.

 

[Iamhere]

I would move on but he would be in the back of my head just because there was no proper closure I guess.

 

[Yourghost]

That was only once, and before I knew about the ptsd. I did assume it was over, I just knew something wasn't quite "right" about it ending. And we did break up, but he came back. Longest time since then was 4 weeks. That was bad enough. I know just what you mean about the lying in bed thing, I think that's okay. It's really hard, and like I said the first few days are the hardest, I sort of give myself permission to be miserable to start with. I find wine helps too :)

 

[Yourghost]

That's it exactly, I am here. I posted before I saw yours :)

 

[KyGirl31]

I agree ladies, he's always in the back of my head.

 

[Iamhere]

I just knew something wasn't quite "right" about it ending.

Yea this is the second time it happens, the first time he did it for almost 5 days but it was really bad that I can't disclose it here. But yea I kept reaching out to him because I knew deep inside of me that something was wrong and I was right there was definitely something wrong. Ever since then he promised he would never go back to being in such a dark place and it was his first time saying "I love you". I guess that's what made it hurt so bad this last time, that I can't get through my head how he can disappear for almost 9 days out of no where without giving me any sign of him being alive.

 

[KyGirl31]

No matter who I'm with, he'll always be that one person I couldn't get over. I just know it. I do not take to men at all, he was the first in a long time. I think he's a really good guy despite all of our indifferences. I couldn't imagine being in another relationship and him popping back up. I do not know what I'd do.

 

[Iamhere]

I think he's a really good guy despite all of our indifferences.

I recall you saying he called you names and stuff, that's not the PTSD. That's just him being a jerk and you need better than. I'm not saying he's not a good guy, but you don't need to go down with him.

 

[KyGirl31]

I agree! He wasn't giving me what I needed so therefore I was telling him we needed to go our separate ways and he flew off..I agree totally and I told him that. It was unacceptable even if he was hurting.