We've been together 9.5 years, through 1.5 deployments and 4 years since he's been out, but I just don't know how much more I've got in me. I've been reading through many posts on here, trying to search for answers, even though I know answers can only be found within myself.
My husband continues to get worse. I think going to school triggers him in a bad way, but he continues to insist on continuing with this path. We live along side each other, but is this a relationship? I dump everything I have into trying to help him, trying to shelter him from things going wrong, but my reach is not far enough. When things go wrong it's always "my fault." My attempts at trying to help make him angrier.
He has been in therapy at the Vet Center for years, but I only see him getting worse, not better. I realize that talking to someone once a week without truly committing to doing work within himself isn't going to move him forward. He prefers to numb himself with smoking pot all day everyday, and has recently added liquor in the evenings. His therapist recommended an in-patient PTSD program because even he recognizes he's not getting anywhere, but my husband would have to give up the weed, and I don't think that he will ever be willing to do such a thing.
I feel I've reached a breaking point as the episodes get more frequent, but to give up after so long seems impossible. I've had a headache continuously now for a year and a half, and there are doctors of the opinion that the stress is the root. I can't count on any support from him, though. I just traveled out of state to see a specialist and he never even asked me how it went. In his mind I just need to smoke weed all day too and I'll be cured.
The therapist at the vet center who we saw together a couple times felt that she couldn't truly help us unless he wanted to help himself. She asked me what I was getting out of the relationship, but I couldn't come up with an answer except that I love him.
I'm trying to figure out what I truly want here. I left for the weekend to go camping with some friends, and he was mad when I told him. He said if he had known leaving was an option he would have done it a long time ago. He had barely spoken to me for the week prior. I came home with resolve that if he wouldn't commit to getting real help I was going to have to go, but I came home and he's in a good mood and I lost that resolve. We spent the evening in the same house with bits of small chat sprinkled throughout the evening, avoiding any serious conversation.
Every time I think about the logistics of leaving and what to do with this house that neither of us can afford on our own, but isn't in any shape to be sold in our current downtrodden market I feel trapped. I haven't talked to my parents and friends yet cuz they've heard this all before from me. I told my dad last summer I needed help to move back home and then my husband changed his mind, turned into a blubbering ball of tears and said he needed me. We're tethered in this endless cycle, but I can't pull him out. I realize he has to want to pull himself out, and I can only decide if it's time to pull myself out on my own, but I don't know how.
My husband continues to get worse. I think going to school triggers him in a bad way, but he continues to insist on continuing with this path. We live along side each other, but is this a relationship? I dump everything I have into trying to help him, trying to shelter him from things going wrong, but my reach is not far enough. When things go wrong it's always "my fault." My attempts at trying to help make him angrier.
He has been in therapy at the Vet Center for years, but I only see him getting worse, not better. I realize that talking to someone once a week without truly committing to doing work within himself isn't going to move him forward. He prefers to numb himself with smoking pot all day everyday, and has recently added liquor in the evenings. His therapist recommended an in-patient PTSD program because even he recognizes he's not getting anywhere, but my husband would have to give up the weed, and I don't think that he will ever be willing to do such a thing.
I feel I've reached a breaking point as the episodes get more frequent, but to give up after so long seems impossible. I've had a headache continuously now for a year and a half, and there are doctors of the opinion that the stress is the root. I can't count on any support from him, though. I just traveled out of state to see a specialist and he never even asked me how it went. In his mind I just need to smoke weed all day too and I'll be cured.
The therapist at the vet center who we saw together a couple times felt that she couldn't truly help us unless he wanted to help himself. She asked me what I was getting out of the relationship, but I couldn't come up with an answer except that I love him.
I'm trying to figure out what I truly want here. I left for the weekend to go camping with some friends, and he was mad when I told him. He said if he had known leaving was an option he would have done it a long time ago. He had barely spoken to me for the week prior. I came home with resolve that if he wouldn't commit to getting real help I was going to have to go, but I came home and he's in a good mood and I lost that resolve. We spent the evening in the same house with bits of small chat sprinkled throughout the evening, avoiding any serious conversation.
Every time I think about the logistics of leaving and what to do with this house that neither of us can afford on our own, but isn't in any shape to be sold in our current downtrodden market I feel trapped. I haven't talked to my parents and friends yet cuz they've heard this all before from me. I told my dad last summer I needed help to move back home and then my husband changed his mind, turned into a blubbering ball of tears and said he needed me. We're tethered in this endless cycle, but I can't pull him out. I realize he has to want to pull himself out, and I can only decide if it's time to pull myself out on my own, but I don't know how.
