General How to mentally heal?

[EveHarrington]

Why do you want her back when she treats you so horribly?

 

[abandon455]

i don't i mostly feel bad for saying hurtful things to her, because i felt overwhelmingly angry.

 

[grit]

A relationship creates harmony space so you can focus to heal from developmental and CPTSD or a relationship just really exacerbates your CPTSD and things get much much worse.

You and this woman unfortunately have the personalities of those who hurt you and her in the past and you just reliving in the pain and re-traumatizing each other.

Since you are here, I truly hope you find the strength to stop the viscous cycle and leave.

 

[abandon455]

it used to be good, it's just she refuses to stop the fighting and picks fights and refuses to compliment me back or want change she is either numb or absent or wants to fight. i've said on many occasions to end the fighting and she will just not reply for 6-10 hours and sit on Facebook. i lashed out because things are constantly my fault and she refuses to see me or call and discuss it she just texts. i didn't mean what i said i just felt so angry and felt like i give my all to someone that doesint care and refuses to apologize. and uses getting back together as a threat one moment it's another if it's a argument it's a were done.

 

[Sweetpea76]

At this point in time neither of you is doing the other any good. She doesn't sound healthy enough to function in a relationship, and your anxiety and issues are fueling her negative reactions.

Healthy relationships can weather bumps, spats, and occasional melt downs when BOTH parties are willing to put in the effort and communicate. That is not what is happening.

Move on, this is toxic. Block her number, unfriend her on social media, walk away if you see her... stop letting her pop back in and out of your life at random causing you mental distress.

If you have PTSD issues yourself, you need a calm, compassionate, mature partner with good communication skills and patience. There are plenty of people in the world with those qualities. You deserve better than what you're getting right now, and you won't be able to get that until you move on from this toxic situation.

 

[abandon455]

I have complex ptsd, i try to communicate or meet to discuss things other then argue via text. She refuses to call, see me. And tells me if i came up and said hi to her she would tell me leave her alone. She says i have anger issues and it makes her want to not see me more them she already does and that i’m projecting onto her. She sits on facebook while ignoring me and she has removed me off everything from spotify to facebook. she also constantly tells me how its not insulting for her to put space between us or that she’s not around. She also tells me everything is none of my buisness. Wont tell me anything, wont add me on facebook and tells me its her privacy and boundries and her doing so isint being secreative or shady and that everything isint about me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Again... eff what she says at this point.

It doesn't matter. Its only significant if you let it be.

Walk away and stop worrying what she says about you. You'll never be able to make her see things your way.

 

[abandon455]

Yea, i think i need to be gone and her learn that people lash out because there hurt and don’t enjoy spending day after day for months arguing and being alone. It’s no excuse to say those things because your a grown man, makes me want to rip my hair out.

 

[Friday]

Again... eff what she says at this point.

It doesn't matter. Its only significant if you let it be.

This. Seriously.

Repeat after me : f*ck off.

You don’t even need to say it TO her. But she contacts you? Just say it to yourself. f*ck off. f*ck right off. I don’t need this shit. f*ck off.

...and go about your day.

Don’t respond back. Don’t tie yourself up in knots. Don’t beg her to talk. Don’t listen to what she has to say. Don’t rise to the bait. Just... f*ck off.

 

[abandon455]

Just say it to myself, i’ll try it. I don’t feel like she cares. she’s grabed onto my lashing out as throwing her past in her face for fun and making fun of it, that i have anger problems and don’t love her. Says no reason for me to ever lash out her and use her past as ammo even though it was from her constant bombing and now she uses it justify being gone more. I apologized she didnt accept it and said as i said above.

I’m going to avoid her she likely will never change. And this just gave her more ammo to do it longer and more. I’l, try telling myself f*ck off

 

[shimmerz]

she’s grabed onto my lashing out as throwing her past in her face for fun and making fun of it, that i have anger problems and don’t love her.

Being hung up on trying to control what and how people feel and act towards you is an endless and futile battle. The way to stay healthy is to keep up with the program - day by day.

Sounds like she has been pretty clear as to how she feels about the relationship with you and that you are doing your darndest to make sure she recognizes that what she feels is wrong.


Always best to see what is happening in the moment and determine what is in your best interests from there. You weren't born to be somebody else's conscience. The reality of the situation is that she is being clear.

Now, what are you going to do with that information in a way that keeps you mentally healthy.

Hint: It is never mentally healthy to be in denial. Something that I could actually write a novel about my own personal experiences with this at this point in time. Not judging, just attempting to save you some grief.

PS: One mentally heals by removing oneself from the situation and working towards establishing relationships that are not based on obsession or painful connections.

 

[chiara vietto]

Unfortunately it is a very common situation that people with unresolved anger issues hurt the people that cares for them the most.its a mechanisms that I don't understand, but I had a very similar experience with my long term partner (who suffered repeatedchiald abuse) we were togheter 20 years. He was always nice helpful and checking on me and didn't have any reason to think we had problems.
Than I don't why (but it coincide with H il m being retraumatized by his family), he bacame suspicious of me, he started settling me up for failure to prove how bad I was and I never took the bite..but nevertheless he grew increasingly angry with me..and started yelling at me wanting to kick me out of our house..
So nothing that you do can change he behavior.
My ex started to throw stuff at me because I wouldn't pick a fight..
I didn't pick a fight..because it was useless..
And also I was thinking at the little child he one was curling up in his bed crying after being abused by his father..
And I couldn't hurt that kid again..
But nevertheless I left..so I stopped being hi punch bag..
I don't know how I am going to heal..
But I will try..
Please try to do stuff that you like..sounds like you are young..
The best way to help her is to heal and take care of yourself..