How To Not Look Vulnerable

[OKRADLAK]

One of the things I try to do is not look vulnerable. I totally DO half the time, but does anyone do anything to make themselves look more sturdy?

I thought of a few:

Lots of make up. I wear NONE but I noticed that women who do look rather self assured.

High heels. This is a no can do, but they look fierce.

A mean look

Keep drinking a lot of coffee

Keep your nose in a book

Does anyone have any others for men or women?

 

[Jagged Angel]

Head up, shoulders back, look people directly in the eye. Walk with purpose, like you know where you're going at all times. Confidence is just a game, a scam... if you can make people believe you are confident, then you are.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

This is a great thread! I can't wait to read more...

The only thing I would say, don't look like a kid who is lost in the world. Having a disability also makes you stand out and attracts perpetrators like magnets. I took a master's degree social work class when I had passed my first year of college. The professor invited perpetrators into the class with their wives. At the end of class, they came up to me and wanted to hug me.

However, having an electric wheelchair works wonders to defend yourself (similar to the heals), even if little old ladies find you so incredibly cute and come to pat you on the head or pinch your cheeks. Also having a dog who is a foot taller than me when standing on his back paws and reaches my elbow when walking.

The more I think about this topic, I am torn (in case it is not obvious from my writing). Nothing should ever be the victim's fault. However, I still feel like everything was my fault. Sorry for derailing the topic.

We have to be careful not to blame the victim, while still helping everybody be as self-reliant, confident, etc...

 

[The Albatross]

Look at people from over the top of your glasses (let's people know pretty quickly you're drawing a bead on them even with out your 'scrips).

No fidgeting or foot tapping.

Glad someone already put up eye contact and body posture (no slumped shoulders or bent, head down).

 

[ClairBear226]

On the contrary, I would think high heels would MAKE you vulnerable. Ever try running in those things?

Head up, shoulders back, eye contact, and be direct with opinions. No hmming and hawing. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Stay alert to what is going on around you, not lost in a daze. I took a self defense course years ago, and loved it. These were things they suggested, and it really made me feel more confident. And... uh.... I got to knock a cop off his feet, so it was fun all around. :ninja:

 

[OKRADLAK]

Wow! Awesome suggestions!!

I did try to hold my head up, but I felt really hypocritical, like a faker.

Then I thought, you know sometimes I do want the outside to reflect the vulnerability inside. Not so people will feel sorry for me but so they kn ow I am not a harsh soul in this world.

Does anyone ever have that on occasion, too?

 

[ClairBear226]

I decided a l ong time ago that I was not going to look like a potential victim again if I could help it. So for me, no. I don't want that vulnerability seen. When it's at risk of being seen is when I tend to isolate the most.

"I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until finally I became that person. Or he became me."
~Cary Grant

 

[The Albatross]

How about being verbally clear and concise? I think that's something I can do better, know what I mean and mean what I say.

Proactive instead of reactive facial expressions and body language.

 

[Srain]

See my avatar...right now that's it.

I open my mouth and foot finds it's way in there :unsure:.

I believe what Alby said.

 

[Kris1984]

I use the thousand mile stare all day and I keep a very straight face when I am not engaged with people. I have been told I look like one mean mam'a jam'a. Haha. But people are typically less inclinced to come over and give me a rash of turd for no reason and that is the way I want it to stay......

However on another note this drastically hinders my ability to meet and be friends with people. Unlike the normal person I do not trust anyone until they give me a reason to, no one gets the benefit of the doubt in my book.

 

[James B.]

Really enjoying this thread.

OKRADLAK, what you wrote made me laugh. :roflmao:

 

[James B.]

How to not look vulnerable? Be aloof.