How To Not Look Vulnerable

[kimberley dawn]

I know that if I try not to be noticed, that's when I look most vulnerable. I see it clearly in others too, like at work. By their pose one can easily tell if they're a threat to themselves or others, so I guess that goes for me too.

In my twenties I always used real high heels and due to some lasting pain I always keep my back straight. I aint got the best hearing ability and will not show that to anyone (:oops:) so I had a direct look on peoples faces. They called me "the queen of ice" so I'd say that made me look selfassured.

 

[Loloma]

Smile at everyone and say hello. :):):):)
That really confuses the hell out of everyone, and it's a brilliant cover up.:confused:

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Make up has always been my 'mask' - check
Drink lots of coffee - double check
Head in a book - check

High heels - in the past yeap, check

Another, listening to my iPod and randomly signing the words or doing a little head dance :)

Saw a guy walking down the street the other day, who all of a sudden did a bit of a twirl and had a little dance in the street. He didn't look vulnerable at all, he was very comfortable in his skin and the added bonus....he made us smile :)

 

[lost4awhile]

I met someone a long time ago who I thought was completely confident and reassured. Deep down he was not, but I still imitate his behaviors when I feel insecure and want to seem more sturdy. The behaviors he displayed were deliberate speaking with a tone as if he felt superior(he would annunciate every word perfectly), slow and calm movements, always grinning as if he was a step ahead of you, and he would make jokes quite often.
To my knowledge he is the only other person with ptsd that I have met, as well as a girl I used to work with. It took them telling me that they had ptsd, for me to know. I thought their lives were perfect. To me they seemed more confident than others that I knew(this gets me wondering as to how I appear to others).

 

[lost4awhile]

Kimberlydawn-That is interesting you say people thought you were the queen of ice. I don't want to pull away from the topic thread, but is it common that we who suffer often wear an extremely great mask?
Loloma-You are so right, being nice always catches people off guard. Almost like they don't know what to do and then the focus is off of you. Very nice:)
Kris1984-I think I will apply that technique of the thousand mile stare. The less people hassle me the better. Strange how we often come off so cold to people, and even more strange that deep down we are extremely fragile.

 

[ClairBear226]

I met someone a long time ago who I thought was completely confident and reassured. Deep down he was not, but I still imitate his behaviors when I feel insecure and want to seem more sturdy.

That's exactly what I did too. Not people with PTSD per se (didn't actually ever know anyone else with it until I came here), but people that I perceived as strong and confident. I picked apart what it was that made me think that, and I learned to copy the behavior. I held my chin up, put my shoulders back, looked directly at people when I spoke, joked and laughed. Pretty soon I realized I was no longer faking. I'd copied the behavior to feel less like a victim, and in the process got confidence that hadn't been there before.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I do that when I can, Clair. It does work. This time around, I could not pull it off. I dressed terribly, all sloppy and looked like a kid.

I am switching departments which will help and then.....head held high! And yes, being nice is ALWAYS one way to deflect off yourself and onto them. It really does take people off guard. Gosh, , we are such animals. We think that those with PTSD are weird, but you know, everyone on here has been so kind to one another on the whole. We are so senstive and gentle with one another, like greyhounds. Why do people have to be damaged to be kind? Rarely do I find kindness- other than those "random acts" that only make the do-er feel good. Yes, it is there, but not ongoing. People care about themselves. We, with PTSD, are ACUTLEY aware of others' feelings.

 

[James B.]

I've noticed people driving tanks tend to not look vulnerable, but then there's the practical aspects, plus being viewed as maybe kinda anit-social, not sure. lol. Keep up the good work OKRADLAK.

 

[OKRADLAK]

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh, that made me laugh!!! I wish i could "wear" one. I think if I could just be invisible, it would help.

I get so clingy when I forget to be a tank! HAHA!

I think of this Tuesday. I have to see The Supervisor on T and Th. Those days are hell.

I try to not look at him and the day I did that, he though I was mad about something that had happened that day, but I was not mad at all, but I had had no sleep for 2 days.

So now I have to look at him which is so stressful that I about cry the whole time.

So then I try to keep the half smile going to not look sad or mad or vulnerable and then after about an hour of all that concentration to just to try look like a human being I am so confused and mad and just want to scream.

AND it is not all in my head, because if I am just "myself" people DO ask what is the matter or why I am upset etc. All the trauma shows now. No way to appear just to be a person anymore.

I am buying a tank. that is all there is to it. I wonder if it would fit in the lunchroom at work!!!

 

[shadowchaser]

Have the only house that is still lit up during a brown out.

I love candles and so when my block blacked out my house was lit up bright as day. The neighbors walked on egg shells around me for almost a month after that.

 

[James B.]

Finally got tired of looking vulnerable.

wasn't cheap tho...

This'll fit in the lunch room at work, too.

 

[OKRADLAK]

HAHAHA!! Don't tempt, me James!!! Oh that would be perfect. It would make a statement. That is how tatoos started. I would start a trend for all the trench coat goth people. Those who REALLY DO wish they could be insivible. not just want people to see they are suffering. No, I would like to be invisible.

You are really helping my serotonin these days, James. THANKS!! And I am going to see if I can These are great!