How to stop dissociating during sex


When I have a little meltdown with Mrs. W, what's useful is, first, to acknowledge that I'm uncomfortable and to stop. That helps to break the fight or flight cycle. I find that I can then calm down and just lie still, and let the weird thoughts seep away. For me, then focusing on the sensations of being physically close is a path for re-arousal. So re-arousal happens when I ignore her and my genitals and when I give myself permission to not get aroused.

Solo, life is very fascinating because I have a set of parts with very different sexual responses. I have one female part who is so attune to our body that she can get aroused just paying attention to the feelings in our body lying in bed, without sexual fantasies. Some of the males, though, are terrified of sexuality. Several of the male parts, in fits and starts and slowly, are learning from the female parts.

I'd say key things are:
-cultivating the thought that I deserve this
-focusing on arousal doesn't work; focusing on being present with our body is better
-porn teaches us that if we are not aroused, to try to find something more stimulating. Ultimately, that fails on several levels. If I'm not aroused, it means I'm worried/tense/triggered.