How to take a break with a therapist without it being a final end?

[Justmehere]

I could tell her that I want to talk about this:

- My job, without needing to change my mind to think I’m good at it.

- How much I don’t want to fix me anymore.

Problem, my lack of wanting to work on anything would show up so strongly. I really want to curl up on her couch and cry. Why? I don’t know. She probably wouldn’t let me.

 

[ButterflyBean]

It’s not like you want to cross boundaries by asking her to hold you or anything. I’m sure clients cry in her office all the time… Why don’t you think she would let you? If she won’t let you, then maybe taking a break is the right thing to do for now. You are allowed to make that choice because you are in charge of your own treatment. I know you don’t want to switch, so let me ask you this: does she let you cry and express emotion freely when you process trauma with her? If so, does she do anything specific to show support or provide some sort of comfort and security, safety?

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah, sometimes she lets me feel whatever I feels and express it when we process trauma - or at least she used to do so.

If so, does she do anything specific to show support or provide some sort of comfort and security, safety?

Not really... when she tried to do so this summer, I numbed our, badly, and everything has been wonky since. We worked through why I numbed out, and now I couldn’t be numb if I wanted to be numb. But it feels like she’s pulled away? Maybe not. She was trying to reassure me at the last session and I shut down. It was a mismatch in understanding where I was - something that was at least half my fault.

 

[Abstract]

Its so darn tricky figuring these things out sometimes isn't it? That interpersonal dance. And when trauma is there lurking in the background. And its way harder if we ourselves are struggling to accept and be OK doing the things we want support to help us accept and be OK.The whole point of therapy really. Part of it.

You have a right to just be and cry on that couch if you want to. And to talk about those things.

 

[Stephernovas]

I need to take a temporary vacation from my current therapist. It’s simply not working and the harder I try to resolve or endure it, the worse it’s getting.

I don’t want to quit. I want a break until I’m in a place where her skill set would be useful. She’s good at processing trauma. Everything else? Not so much. It’s just not working.

I can’t process trauma right now. I don’t want her help finding other care (she is expensive and I can’t afford to pay her for what I can do for myself.)

So I need to stop with her until I’m stabilized so I can focus on other ways to be stable than really unhelpful sessions with her.

How do I tell her this? She wants me in more treatment, which is fine, but regardless of doing that or not, I can’t keep doing this with her right now.

This is pretty much what I need to do. She's at a place where I'm not and I can't meet her expectations, as well-wishing as she may be

 

[Justmehere]

I went in again, and I couldn’t talk about this.

I tried really hard to do trauma work, and we talked about trauma...

She asked a lot of questions. Like that’s it. Just questions. I tried to answer. I didn’t see the point.

She sighed and laughed a bit. Like I’d be talking about child rape and she would audibly sigh or I’d mention a trigger that happened related to child rape and she would chuckle. I wasn’t being funny. I don’t know what she found to be funny.

We’ve done good work together, maybe. I’m doubting everything. Stuff like this keeps throwing me off. I didn’t say anything because I’ve tried to say something before about the laughing. It didn’t go anywhere useful. Now the sighing.

I woke up very depressed and what came to mind was her leaning back to laugh. My head is going over the edge. I have to walk away....

I don’t understand why she is this way with me now. Maybe I could email her and say so, I’m depressed and when I share about child rape, you chuckle or sigh, and that’s confusing me, and very not comforting, and I can’t keep doing it right now. Let’s take a month off. See you in January.

 

[scout86]

I don’t know what she found to be funny.

I can truly see why that would get old. Have you ever stopped, in the moment, and asked what she thought was so funny? I guess I'm not really thinking "asking", I'm thinking "demanding to know".

 

[Justmehere]

I did once, and she said, "you are a funny person. I can't help it." I have said many times, "stop laughing." That doesn't work. She has said, "we have talked about this before, I can't help it." It just leads to more laughter, sometimes making me giggle. I have told her, "this doesn't feel ok." I did everything I could to not crack jokes or tell silly stories.

I should ask again. Even stating, "why are you sighing?" in the moment... and I think I have to hold a boundary with all this. I can point blank tell her that if she continues to laugh, I'm going to pay for the session and leave.

I don't want a no-laughing rule in therapy, but this is too much. It keeps throwing me off. She's got to be able to manage this.

It's not just this.... but at the end of October, I had to bring up having suicidal thoughts 5 times before she would talk about it. By then, the session was almost over. Then a few weeks later, she wants me to have a plan for stability and laments about how my doc and the hospital ignored it too. I told her then, "you ignored it too." I asked why. I never got a response.

So I told her then, I won't talk about having suicidal thoughts again with her. No point. No damn point.

I need her to take me seriously or we need to take a break.

 

[grit]

It is quite weird. But I do understand saying something about the therapist and the therapist pretending you did not say anything or never saying anything meaningful. But I wonder if you should not say anything until you feel better and can be more confident and assured you are making the right decision. for now maybe you can just say you want to take some time off but not get into whys. I am only recommending this because it is to your advantage and minimizing any fall out or regrets. when you have cooler head is better and easier to make a decision.

 

[Justmehere]

Maybe I could to turn the tables on her. I can ask her, “what needs to happen so that you are not laughing as I talk about this trauma?” “What needs to happen so that you are not audibly sighing in sessions?”

And if she can’t indicate anything, then I’ll say it’s beyond me to handle right now and I’d like to take a month off and try again in January.

 

[scout86]

I just can't imagine a version of reality where there's a funny way to discuss child rape. (Or any rape. Or a lot of other things.)

I tend to use humor when I get into territory I'd rather not be in. And my T has a great sense of humor. (Maybe I think that because he gets mine?) We laugh a lot. I use it to change the subject a lot too. But I've been trying to think of a way I could use the words "child" and "rape" in the same sentence and get a laugh out of him. I'm pretty sure it's not possible.

But, he's also not one of those people who laughs or giggles when he's nervous. (I'm not sure he DOES "nervous".)

If your T can't help her reaction, then I guess she can't. But it seems like it would help if she could at least clarify what the laughter MEANS in that context. Because maybe it doesn't mean she's amused.

This really bothers you, so I absolutely think you should insist on some kind of understanding.

 

[blackemerald1]

Honestly you sound so distressed by her behaviour that I'd strongly suggest you write a short email letting her know you are taking a break till January to sort out how you feel about.... (....). Or, just taking a break!!

Then take the time off to evaluate how you feel.

I'm concerned because regardless of how funny you are, or she thinks you are - deliberately or accidentally - she is now thoroughly aware of your natural talent for comedy and really she should be challenging you when you combine the trauma with comedy.

Like "JMH why are you doing this when you speak about your trauma?....lets discuss why you do that.." Or, she could simply dismiss you comedic talent and focus on what is happening behind that..facade.

I also struggle to see anything funny can be associated with or whatever with the concept of child rape. I know that comedy crosses a lot of social mores but I have yet to see it go that far and she should know better!

But that's not the point in the end... it's her response...laughing....sighing.... Oh man! That would piss me off! Worse, you ask her to stop and she will not! What is that to be interpreted as?