How To Tell A Doctor About Trauma?

[youarenotarobot]

I'm going to try and keep this brief because I'm feeling very triggered right now and my mind's going all over the place.
I've been struggling with my friend's suicide attempt for the past 2 years and now I'd like to tell a doctor about it and get some help. I'm not sure how to do this, though. I'm afraid he will brush me off as being something like overreacting or attention-seeking. I can tell him how I've been feeling, but again, I'm worried he'll brush it off. I'm also struggling with how to word it; just come straight out and say it or be more subtle about it?
I'm really starting to worry about this. I'm worried I'll chicken out before I tell him and leave the appointment with no help. I'm also worried I'll tell him and then leave the appointment with help that I won't feel I deserve.
Any help would be appreciated, but please don't feel obligated to reply. Thank you.

 

[scout86]

I can understand being "afraid"of getting that kind of reaction. I have the same sorts of fears sometimes. What I've started to consider is what the answer to those questions really is.

"What IF your doctor thinks you're over reacting?"

That would hurt a bit, emotionally. It might be frustrating. It might make getting help more complicated. Would it threaten your life? Would it put you in physical danger? Would it condemn you somehow forever? The answers are "no, no, and no", right?

What I'm trying to say is that some of these things that feel like such major risks really aren't THAT major. What's your doctor like and what kind of relationship do you have with them? Are they inclined to listen? I honestly don't have that kind of conversation often and probably could do it better myself. (I hope you get some good input!) I'd probably start by saying I'm afraid he/she is going to think I'm over reacting but this really bothering me, then go on to explain what "this" is.

 

[Abstract]

We have chatted before. :)

One thing to consider (in my opinion) is if you possibly have what I call invalidation injuries. Its taken me a long time to be able to qualify things by mine. I have a lot. I know that for me in many situations invalidation didn't just feel like a lethal threat, in many senses it is. Less so now than in the past,

Risking speaking and not being heard when something is deeply affecting and we haven't vocalised it before can be very threatening and harmful emotionally.

I hope this isn't unhelpful but what I have come to is that there is sadly no guarantee. I truly wish there was. That is especially so when the person who we are sharing with is not especially trained in these things. They may well get things wrong or not approach it in a way that is helpful or not unhelpful to us. That could be for any number of reasons. It could be for lack of knowledge, lack of empathy, it could be because they have both but dont get what your unique needs are. Or because they are a complete idiot!

Sadly you wont be able to protect against all of these things. All you can do is your part. If it doesn't go well then look for someone who can hear
and understand you. I know that sounds simple when it is far from. I just want you o know that not everyone is capable of hearing these things in a helpful way and it doesn't mean that you need to stop and feel unhearable.

I would tell them that you have started to have more clarity about all your difficulties and what is stopping you moving forward. That it was due to a friends suicide attempt and that it was a life changing event for you. Think of what you want and ask for it directly . If you have symptoms relating to this then tell them when they ask too. Nightmares. Reminders, Watching for threats and over awareness. etc.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you start by explaining to us what you're going through? We can then give you pointers on perhaps the best way to present it to your doctor. :hug:

 

[Friday]

How about this?

"I've been struggling with my friend's suicide attempt for the past 2 years and I'd like to get some help."

 

[youarenotarobot]

I can understand being "afraid"of getting that kind of reaction. I have the same sorts of fears sometim...

I like this thought process. It's true that it's unlikely anything awful would happen if he didn't take it seriously. I suppose I am concerned though if the invalidation pushes me over the edge into being suicidal again though. I have a huge fear of invalidation.

The practice I go to is a bit complicated in that there are three doctors avaliable and you just go with whoever is there at a certain date. Luckily the doctor I'm seeing for my appointment is the one I was hoping to see, which I'm taking as a good sign. So I really don't know him all that well but he was the doctor I talked to a few years ago about anxiety and he referred me to a counsellor.

That's a good suggestion on how to start. Thank you!

 

[youarenotarobot]

We have chatted before. :)

One thing to consider (in my opinion) is if you possibly have what I call i...

Yes we have talked before. Ive never heard that term before but I definitely have a fear of invalidation. Like you said it feels like a real, genuine "this is the worst ever thing" fear of it to me.

I try to be understanding to a point if someone doesn't understand me, so if the doctor doesn't understand I wouldn't be angry at him. I would be wary to speak to him again, however, about mental issues.

Thank you, I will try this!

 

[youarenotarobot]

Can you start by explaining to us what you're going through? We can then give you pointers on per...

Well, it's quite confusing for me. I think about my friends suicide attempt a lot and often these thoughts are very hard to control. The memories come back to me a lot and I dont know where to put them. Whenever I hear about suicide or mental health, or certain other things like someone being upset or angry, I feel like I'm on the verge of some kind of meltdown. I have a lot of emotions related to it that I find overwhelming; anger and guilt and depression but I'm too scared to work through them. I get stuck in a cycle of triggering or invalidating myself to try and work through it. I get suicidal a lot because I can't deal with the emotions I feel or the memories of my friend telling me what she did.

I flip between thinking this is bad enough for me to need help and thinking Im just making a fuss about nothing and everyone goes through this.

 

[youarenotarobot]

How about this?

"I've been struggling with my friend's suicide attempt for the past 2 years and I'd lik...

I like this direct approach, thank you.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am lucky enough right now to have a female doctor who understands completely, turns out she has friends who have been thru SP TDU as interns, and such. And has some experience herself. When I was in crisis before I was in SP she was one of many working hard to get me into SP. Also She was the one who did the official reporting of my abuse.

I know a lot of docs won't know how to handle it if you told them, but you never know until you try and find out. Sometimes you have to shop around for a doc who does. Its important to have one that does, because procedures can often be triggering. A doctor who understands this can do things to help keep you grounded, for instance my doc chilled one of the exam gloves she had to put on to do a breast exam, during the exam she had the cold hand in my hand, and with the other did the exam. All this so during the exam I would stay grounded. While I am not sure the exam would have been the kind of thing to trigger me, she nevertheless too steps to make sure I stayed grounded if it did.

Some docs even if they are understanding they still may not know what to do. There you may have to educate them of your needs.