How To Tell My Friend He Accidentally Triggered Me

[Justmehere]

Wow, well said @Muse! You helped me think about this a little differently.

 

[Powder]

Thanks, I may be wrong, but for me, if I can't clue someone into who I am, even a little, then the relationship will turn one-sided so fast that there's really no point to it for me because the real me won't be able (Due to my lack of abilities, I suspect) to be authentic with that person I'm being fake for.

I have read that people like me, people who grew up in survival mode, in CPTSD mode, are almost honest to a fault to normal people, who are cool with more shades of grey of acting skills to maintain bonds.

I didn't get a healthy bonding as a baby, so I have no skills at adapting to that other than what I can learn from Normal people. I mean normal people as Non-PTSD folk. They are the ones who have told me things like:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff;
2. KISS it: keep it simple silly;
3. You get more bees with honey than vinegar;
4. What's wrong with sugarcoating things?
5. They are never going to understand, so don't bother telling them;
6. Nobody can relate to you, so you have to relate to others.

And so on. Some hard truths to deal with on top of PTSD is that the only people who truly understand you also have life-long foundation built on nothing but trauma, heartbreak, betrayal, and resulting PTSD and other problems, and are equally distrusting and equally not-eager to let their walls down, even for a moment based on deeply hurt and fragile they are, too.

So, it seems like the best case scenario for me, anyway, is to try to relate to someone with some trauma, but not relationship betrayal trauma, or not bonding/attachment problems. Doesn't fix my issues, though. These are still wreaking havoc in my life. I cannot trust anyone. Period. I have tried so hard for so long. I just cannot feel trust for more than a millisecond, and it's gone.