How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[Deleted member 93]

The migraines seem to ease if meds don't work between hot damn near scaling shower and just keep my head there and alternate with ice packs, no noise, black out everything and try like hell to sleep it off. Puking sucks as I swear it makes it 10 times worse when you think it can't get worse. I am so lucky not to get too many with pain anymore. Seemed like I outgrew the pain but my voice will still slur, and get the halos and tunnel vision. I freaked out once when I got the halo an it was like one bright stripe off to the side and it just kept moving over and it was like a slow motion windshield wiper and everything blacking out behind it. And the glitter... Looks like glitter in the air signaling one is coming. Imetrex helped a lot for making pain stop, but everything else stayed. Worth the trade, I was in bed for almost an entire year. Had a doc that put me on every pill known to man to try to stop it. From vicodin to xanax. They finally tried the Imatrex (think that is spelling) it was a nose spray and 10 years ago one dose was about $7 each. For some reason they did not want to say they were migraines but when they finally gave me meds designed for it it helped. Also Maxalt. But that did something with the blood pressure (been a while) I could not take it more than once or twice a month. But it did wonders. Obviously this was before I developed a serious med phobia! But I swear some of the tension headaches are just as bad.

Got news from home, they are getting sleet tonight, forcast anyway. Everything should bet wet and icy... My bud was calling me and so was my son to tell me about it.

I was happy I did not go, they took the "back way" everything looks like the back way here... But anyway the roads were not cleared very well and icy still. Hubs said he had to show me the heavier traveled roads so they would be clear. I am not certain how he plans on sliding me to the car to show me because I won't go willingly :)

Oh and I tried not to laugh this morning as last time I laughed at my dog for something it happened to me. First time was my dog fell in a river, I fell off exactly where she did. Karma at work. But my dog went hauling ass across the backyard and since we have no fence I call her back, she tried to stop and turn but her legs just flipped out and she went sliding... Poor pup, we will get used to this and get our ice legs.

 

[goingonhope]

Had a really good day today! Accomplished so much and then I went out tonight, came home, have been down and truly frightened to attempt sleep tonight. It's after 2 a.m. and I'm so tired, with a full day ahead of me tommorrow. I don't know why I'm so afraid tonight, just am. Feel nasueas, like I could throw up all night just for some relief. It can't be normal to have such an abrupt mood swing as I did this evening. All day, content and pleased with myself, then .........Boom, depressed and feeling frightened of sleep, til now, and who knows how much longer tonight.

 

[becvan]

4:23 am and i am still awake.. getting a little pissy with the sleep then no sleep thingy.. wicked anxiety day.. starting wondering if i will be able to go back to work at all? or will the doc just want to up the meds.. hmmss.. don't think uping the meds is really a good idea.. tried to watch freddy.. got through 30 minutes of it before i realized i was hyperventilating.. shut it off.. spent time here.. thought i had calmed down.. went to bed.. there was freddy.. and the shirt and.. well you get the picture.. lol got pissed off, put on my snowsuit, made cougar wear her snow booties.. and off we went. It was a nice walk. I never noticed that cougar watches for traffic for me before. The things you notice at 3 in the morning. So here i am with a beet red, frozen face, tired but happy dog and i stil can not sleep. I have no idea if i should take ativan or not. I keep clenching my damn jaw and my jaw keeps swelling.. i think i'm so anxious.. that i am not really noticing it? it's just way beyond over the top all the time? I guess I am starting to realize that i've hit my wall.. Court just threw me over the edge.. i'm not sure how long it will take me to get over it.. starting to consider disablity/welfare (it's the same thing here) as rent is due in two weeks.. and i doubt i'll be working nor will i have the money by then.

Yep. PTSD sucks the big one.

bec

 

[GR-ass]

Whimpers

Head hurts lots

damned migraine. Three days and counting and I ran out of pills (is slightly pissed cos no money till next tuesday.

Worst part is, can't sleep. Am absolutely exhausted and yet every time I close my eyes I can't help but start awake.

Growls lots.

As well as that, Whisp, my sick rat, is on meds every four hours for her sneezes. Not fun trying to dose her in the middle of the night only to realise the rat I've just dosed in a bleary eyed Silk.

Grrs at self. If she is no better come pay day, it's a vet visit *sighs* and antibiotics is likely.

I feel like lashing out at Luke. Went to the movies the other night, I was kinda moody bitchy.
I appologised, but eh. I knew I was doing it, I just couldn't stop myself.

Curls up and hides.

Just kinda bleh. Wish my head would hurry up and explode or *something*

 

[becvan]

Well, I was fired.. just found out.. nothing I can do about it.. checked and called everything I can think of. According to canada, anyplace that employes less than 50 people can fire you if it creates "undue hardship" and they have to hire someone to replace you. With the human rights commission, same thing.. they told me to check their policies under disibality for "duty to accomadate" but that doesn't count with me unless i can be classed as disabled. Which I can't because I still can't see the psych.. it will be at least up to a year before I see him. Officially screwed. I'm very upset. Shaking like a leaf.. No money, no home. :up-yours: world.

bec

Well, just applied for welfare/disablity.. have an appointment tomorrow.. so maybe I will be able to pay my rent at least.. horrid anxiety.. i nver watned to go ont hat freading system again....

 

[Marlene]

Bec,

I'm so sorry. I know words are so useless at times like this. My family's been through the system before and, yeah it sucks, but it will help you out...at least on the financial end of things.

((((Hugs)))) and more ((((Hugs)))

 

[cookie]

oh bec, i am sorry about the job, and the stress. hopefullly things will work out with the disablity and you will get better while on your "break" from work. maybe you'll get yourself established in your own private practice. hmmmm
cathy

 

[goingonhope]

overall day sucked badly! tonight some improvement, well I haven't tryed to lay down yet and go to sleep yet either.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Bec, that news about work just blows :(
I know it's not that inspiring... but remember that when things can't seem to get worse... things can only get better.

I hope your appointment with the financial aid went OK, (fingers crossed)
last time I had to go there I think I ended up waiting over 2 hours for my appointment... and it only took her 4 minutes to decide that because my common-law partner makes more than $700 a month, I was not eligable for any financial assistance.
I don't know about everyone else... but I personally don't see how 2 people and a dog are expected to survive on less than a thousand dollars a month in Alberta/Canada!! (the average price to rent a 1 bedroom apartment is $1100/month...)
My accident happened in the middle of my college graduation process... so I ended up losing the job I had lined up for myself... plus all my 'student' medical insurance expired shortly after... so I was/am left with my student loan to pay back and disabled.

Sometimes the system just has its glitches I guess.

If you are feeling like you have to 'rebuild your life', you've got a support partner to help you get through the tough times. PM me if you ever need
So far I've gotten as far as trying to get my mail/bills in order... get some organization to my day, etc.


Ummmm... right now my face hurts... debating whether to take some pain meds or save them for tomarrow (I only have 2 left)
Ughh, I just realized I have to get up in 4 hours... if I don't get woken up by boyfriend before he leaves for work, I'll sleep in for my doc appointments....

see everyone in the morning

 

[becvan]

Well, the appointment went really well actually. I'm on welfare/disability. I have an employment defferal for three months. (In case no one here knows, in Ontario you have to "work" for your welfare. You paint peoples houses, pick up garbage etc.. you have to do so many hours a month and attend constant workshops.. if you don't see ya later. It's actually called Workfare now..) She was really good about it.. lol almost understanding.. i suspect she knows about PTSD) I will be getting enough for my rent at least! I forgot half the stuff I was supposed to bring in, but she gave me a list so I remember it and can bring in the other stuff later. Thank god. Finally got some sleep, slept hard actually because I just woke up. I think I was impaired from lack of sleep earlier.. still feel out of it now. But that was the first decent sleep (my god when three to four hours is decent.. lol that is scary) I got in quite some time. Still have a damn migranine from clenching my teeth.. grr..

thanks for all the support guys, this has been trying to say the least and I appreciate it. Ohh and other good news. went from owing the government 50,000 for student loans to 40,000.. LOL yeah yoohooo.. (sarcasim.. lol)

bec

 

[GR-ass]

Well, migraine is finally gone.
Actually ate something today and kept it down XD
always a good sign.
Still real exhausted but am actually feeling half human. Not exactly sure what the other half is yet.

 

[anthony]

Good to hear bec... congratulations.