We have made the decision to put little one in day care part time in December whe she turns 3. There are just not too many breaks. When she naps I find it almost impossible not to do it too. She is wearing me out on top of this. I was against it but now I am thinking it may be good for her to go have some fun away from me and give me a chance to be alone. Since the other 3 are in school I will have a break... until summer any way. I mean it is to the point if I get a muscle spasm or am rubbing my head or shaking she is saying mommy need her medicine or a nap? She could use the break from me.
When it rains it pours. I have discovered a new trigger. Well, not new. I have denied it being one and am coming around to accepting it for what it is and will be hitting hard core in threapy how to work around it. My teen girl. Hubs says most of what she does is annoying as all hell and she can be as mean as a rattle snake. So that part is not in my head, she does know how to push every person's buttons in the house. But the reactions I get inside of me are just brutal tearing me up and sending panic attacks trying to come on. I am running around feeling like a bad mom. Just need to learn to calm my insides so I am not shaking and angry and upset. She looks exactly like her father (her bro doesn't) , the most evil man alive, and with her attitude of I am a teen want to see how big an ass I can be... It is just like him. Her dirty looks she shoots me, I see him. She screams irrational BS at me I hear him... So very touchy tricky. Never realized until now that man acted like a bratty teen girl, just a lot bigger. See if the good doc has some ways to help get me through this. Also, told hubs to please point it out if I am over reacting. He told me most of the time with her you are not, but will point it out. Yet, another reason I want to smack the living shit out of the teens' father.
I hope this week calms for me, it just seems like it is snowballing on me. found out 13 yo niece was raped by 30 yo, evil ex shows at my home, my mother has gone into denial over shit that has been confirmed, now coming to terms with a very awkward and complex trigger of symptoms. And this all in what, 4 days? No wonder nightmares are back... grrrr.
Next week damn well better be good or someone is getting kicked. Other than that I am just dandy.