Husband Has PTSD - Need Help

[askmeificare]

Hi, I have waited to post on this site but finally I think I am ready because I know things have gotten horrid for me and my family. My husband is diagnosed with PTSD and is considered 70% disabled through the military after coming back from Iraq in 2005.

Things went down hill after his return and everything came to a head in April when I was physically assulted. We have been together since 1996 and have 9 wonderful children, yours, mine and ours but this illness has taken over our lives now. I am being treated for PMDD, depression and secondary PTSD since April and I am making small steps forward but my husband does not seem to be moving anywhere.

I have been blamed for everything wrong in our marriage, he vents his anger and rage onto me and seems to be withdrawing further away from me and our children which is now affecting them. I found a posting on my one son's MY Space saying he wanted to die. My children living at home are ages 17-4 and I feel like just tossing in the towel anymore because my husband keeps saying he does not know if he even loves me anymore or just wants a divorce. I have no say in any of this and it hurts!

His moos jumps from saying he loves me, to telling me he does not feel love for me and thinks a divorce is best. Then he says he wants to stay married and make things right so my emotions have been up and down to the point of severe depression at times. He gets upset if he see's me cry and does not live here at the home due to an upcoming criminal hearing for the assult. He tried to strangle me and I was injured pretty badly.

He just started going to a Veterans PTSD support group once a week, and sees the VA 1-2 times a month for counseling, but not any real treatment except 3 heavy duty medications he is on. He is always tired, does not call the kids, and seems to not want to even be around us of talk to us anymore because it always seems to upset him. Our 4 year old does not have daddy want to play with him at all, he is to tired all the time it seems or just wants to sleep or read books and watch tv where he is staying right now.

He does do things for the people he is staying with, maybe he likes them more then us? I ask him for help and he will not even help with fixing something here at our home, yet he will help the people he is staying with to build a porch...I am so confused!!!!!

Does he hate me and the kids? Does he want a divorce because he does not feel love anymore and is that a mistake? The only emotion I can even get from him is sexual in nature. He tells me how beautiful I am, asks me to send him photo's of me and still wants to be intimate in his kisses and a sexual kind of way, but he says he is confused as if these feelings are love or just sex...Heck I am so sad and confused and want to be loved by him as much as I love him.

Any thoughts, help, advice??? PLEASE I feel so alone!!!

Di

 

[Wifeofamarine]

To the post of husband with PTSD

Im a wife of a former marine who was also injured in Iraq in 2003. Not only was he injured physically, but also with "the unseen wounds of War" PTSD.. Its been a real challenge for my family, we have seperated a few times, but he realized that the grass is not always greener on the other side..Its very hard to deal with but i had to keep asking myself, do i love him enough to stay with him and help him through this" well, my answer was YES..We married for better or for worse, and as you might know, this is the worse... We do go to the VA for his meds and they have a PTSD clinic which he attends..He is on medication as well, and it does help..As like you im always the one at fault and always wrong..Its normal for them to do this, as it is also normal for them to want alone time...My husband was always away from us when he got back, and it seemed that everytime i would get near him, he would get mad and tell me to just leave him alone...

Just know this, we are not alone, vets, husbands, wives, and children are all going through this, its just hard to get talking about it and get it out, once you make that first step in talking, you will see that you will benefit others around you..

God Bless everyone

Heather

 

[Beli Mawr]

your husband is probably emotionally overloaded, and may be reacting in a typical way to the meds he's been given. Mine did all sorts of horrible things to me, and only benzodiazepines worked. If you read the book The Truth About Mental Illness, it shows most of the meds don't work-and David Burns proved repeatedly that serotonin SSRI's only work as well as placebo or less. But that is for fixing things-they can make things much worse.

You're not crazy. But your hubby is going thru a lot. See if they can change his meds-go to an appt. with him if possible, explain what is happening. Try to get hi mto work on the Schiraldi book, or if not, you could always back off with the sex until he's willing to move back home with you. Tell him it hurts to much to get that close and then have him leave, and you can't take the pain anymore. Tell him you love him so much and can't take having him away from the kids.

In the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,
, he shows that to get someone back, it's good to not criticize in phone interactions, act interested, but not to talk too long-this creates longing, and allows him to change his feelings for you, and will encourage it. The book describes it better than I can.

Hope this helps! Right now he might mentally associate you with stress (9 kids, war ptsd, meds and marriage) and not love. The point is to switch that around without arguing with him, so it becomes his idea.

 

[anita86]

hi
my husband got injured march 2006 in iraq. he 50% disability from the military which i think is not enough. he has traumatic brain injury ptsd and some other injuries. he dont get helped a lot from the va only with appointments and once to twice a month he is goin to see the vet (counsler). he hasnt gotten any help for his ptsd which i think is getting worse. our marriage is abt to break down and we have been talkin abt gettin a divorce since the beginning of this year. he put his hands on me twice but i did forgive him. and try to stay and help him which is really hard and i think if i keep doin it and stayin with him ill have a break down soon. im only 21y/o younger than other womans who have to deal with something like dat. but i have learned so far if u strong enough and know u can do it then help in any way u can. go to see the counsler with him and also go to his appoinments with him. that helps him and u. i wish u and ur husband (family) good luck! hope it will work out for u