Hypervigilance

[Brontie]

The child in me is definitely a lot happier of late. I grew up with this pain in my chest, I thought it would never go away. I came across a book about helping your inner child to heal. Up until that point I was very unaware of my inner child. Now when I’m feeling down and vulnerable, I treat my inner child to some sweets and ice cream, comfy blankets, and some internet games.

 

[OriginalKido]

I too can realte to a lot being said. I am always "on guard" so to speak. I plan everything out to stay safe, it is and can be overwelming. I am also startled easily and dont like loud noises. I have a hard time in the shower as well because I am always looking out of the curtain to confirm what i already know, that I am alone in my apartment. Living this way is hard and I am glad and feel blessed that I am in a country that helps me with therapy that is fully covered. Therapy is intense lately as we are starting to get into the the issues deeply, this has caused my guard to be up much more lately for sure.

 

[Sethe]

@Sethe - Sorry I'm new to this whole thing. I really appreciate your post(s)! Can't afford a therapist or a psyche because I'm a student, so I'm trying to do this all on the grace of myself and some close friends.

It's ok. Sorry if I was a little aggro there. I don't know. Sometimes I just get a little nuts.

 

[ronin47]

Oh most definately. I am always considering the worst case scenario. I also experience what I've described to my therapist as "emotional osmosis." If someone is sad or angry in the room I seem to absorb it. Also, if I see someone getting mad at someone else I react emotionally almost the same way I would if that person was mad at me for some reason. Then the rest of the day I'm constantly second guessing people; wondering things like "What was that look she gave me? Did I do something to annoy her?" or "Why does he have that tone in his voice? Does he think I'm a freak?"

To be perfectly honest it's not something I actively try to manage at this point. As I continued to go to therapy and work through my trauma and became less sensitive and my emotional reactions to a stressful event would last for hours at most instead of days or even weeks. The best thing I do is consider alternatives. When someone snaps at me or looks at me the wrong way I initially think they must be upset with me, but then I think "It's possible they're just having a difficult day for reasons not related to me and they're just venting."

 

[Reclusive]

Put me down for hypervigilence as well. I find it ebbs and flows with my overall stress. But there are still basic things that have to be in place. I check all the doors and locks before going to bed - no need to check the windows because they are NEVER to be opened! I check the garage and the yard. I have weapons strategically placed around my house so if something does happen I'll be able to protect myself. My fiance also has PTSD and we're going to try to start taking martial arts classes when we can, as well as survival classes. Because other things can happen too, y'know? Fires, car breakdown, an attacker, the zombie apocalypse (I'm only half-kidding). I fret at night about how I can get my cats out of the house safely if there's a fire. Because, don't you know, cats die of smoke inhalation a lot faster than humans do because of their temperature regulation system.

It even ties into my agoraphobia. Everyone is out to get me, so no one is safe. If I mispeak, express wrong, or do something out of sequence I just may piss everyone off and then that's a freaking MOB. What if something happens to my house while I'm gone? What will I do? What if someone breaks in and lets my cats outside (I don't have kids, so it's cats - I know, crazy)?

I have to take up long distance running, too, but I have a really bad knee, so I'm not sure how to do that. But I KNOW I need that skill.

 

[angel2write]

Because other things can happen too, y'know? Fires, car breakdown, an attacker, the zombie apocalypse (I'm only half-kidding).

... zombie apocalypse!!! Aaaagh! I missed one! Must go prepare...

 

[Reclusive]

... zombie apocalypse!!! Aaaagh! I missed one! Must go prepare... :D

LOL - I know it sounds funny, but in survivalist communities this is the scenario everyone prepares for. The idea is that if you're ready for zombies, you're ready for anything - floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, whatever. Check out survivalism on the 'net and you'll find a lot of stuff. I should not know that.

 

[kimba]

I am worse at night trying to get to sleep. A cricket started chirping outside my window last night and I went into full "board" mode before realising what it was and it was okay. Any unknown noise or voice has me out of bed and looking out the windows. I live on a main street so sometimes it is impossible to get relaxed enough to go to sleep until it is late and things have "gone quiet". Hence the Unisom some nights just to get some solid and uninterrupted sleep. Once I started living alone I fenced and gated my property and have two big dogs. I don't go anywhere at night unless I know I will be safe. Needless to say, night outings are few and far between.

 

[Bosco2153]

I always have an escape route. First thing I do when I go somewhere new or old is scan the exits, windows, doors. Does the room I'm in have a lock. Can i block it easily even if it does. Is it better to hide or run etc etc.

This got so bad for me at work (crowded conference rooms, staff meetings and socials) I haven't been back for 3 months and likely will not return. There was one other person there that was similar to me, and she was a rape victim.

 

[Bachall]

Sorry for reviving a somewhat old topic. Major revelation here.

Can't eat in restaurants unless I am in a high backed booth AND can see a window.

Must always sleep on door side of bed.

Always check under car as I'm approaching it. I have a keylight I flash in the windows.

Since I was a kid I did the key brass knuckles thing. You hold your keys in your fist so the tips stick out between your knuckles.

I need windows and doors. Preferably doors with windows.

I don't like to keep my feet on the floor in a chair. In fact, I hate chairs. I'd rather sit on the floor or ground.

I also scope out an escape plan for any situation.

When I drive I constantly analyze the intents of those around me. I'm often right, but it's horribly stressful.

So, distractions. Haven't learned yet how badly all this is adding to my stress levels.

I DID figure out the car thing though. Now I still analyze, but I make jokes or talk soothingly with these people who can't hear me. Which might be even crazier. :P

 

[lookingforhope]

Oh my gosh, I literally thought I was going insane when I started being so paranoid about things. I just got diagnosed with PTSD and after reading all these posts I'm starting to feel like I'm not going crazy! :) I think it started one morning when my husband said he would get my son on the bus. I was in the bed listening for the bus, on high alert. It was very dark being that is was winter and no street lights but the light from our house. He did NOT walk my son out because I was listening and I somehow got it in my head that my son had been hit by the bus and was laying in the ditch dying. The only problem is my husband forbids me from talking about things like this and I had to wait for some excuse to walk out to the road to check the ditch. My heart raced and raced while I waited for hours and finally got to check the mail and see that he was not there. Horrible!

Also lying in bed at night going over and over scenarios of what I would do if some crazy man broke into my house and tried to hurt my children. ( my husband was constantly out of state with work) So I put a knife under my mattress. I started talking to my children about different scenarios as well!! And I think I talked about it so much that they started talking about it all the time and became a little obsessed with it and paranoid. Then I felt horrible and had to step back and say ok we need to stop talking about this.

Walking out of Wal mart thinking some random man is following me. Startling when the grocery store bagger boy walks up to me to tell me he liked my shoes and where did I get them. Trying to go to sleep at night and one of my kids cough and my whole body jerks. I had no idea there was a name for this, and I am happy at least to know I am not crazy! :)

 

[blueangel371115]

Put me down too. Lines in walmart: bad, horrible. I hate having strange people surround me. I hate being boxed in like that. Small spaces I'm fine just crowds so it's not claustrophobia. When I get triggered I can't sleep.