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- #13
LittleHugger
Bronze Member
17...well my son is too, and is turning 18 in April. My son is in driver's training right now, and all of his friends. Its always of concern...when new young drivers start to drive...but its something they will need to have if they wanna drive...so I was just happy he didnt want to start the training at 16 (he was still a little scared). And to I have caught him with weed, but he hasnt touched anything else (cause he is scared of it, thank God).
I wonder...if, once he recovers a little...if enrolling him in a drivers training would be GOOD for him? It might give him something to look forward to...something to strive for....improve his motivation...maybe improve his self-esteem by giving him something to be proud of, etc etc Obviously he would be on a really short leash when he drives, but so will my son, lol.
I may sound like a really shitty parent for this...but here is the truth of my son and weed. K..at 15, I caught him stoned, came in late, didnt give a shit about school, gave me grief all the way around, at every turn, and I told him to stop smoking weed, that he was to young. Once he was older it would be his choice. By 16, he was buying it off some creature downtown (gulp), and smoking in parks with strangers (gulp), going to parties and lying about where he was going and then coming home wasted (gulp). This freaked me right out...scared the shit outta me! Smoking weed is one thing...but buying who knows what offa who know who, gettin wasted and staggering home....was terrifying to me. So we had a major heart to heart a year ago. I expressed my worries and he expressed his thoughts. I told him that if he didnt buy weed, didnt smoke it out in the bushes, and get wasted like he was doing...he could smoke it at home....under these conditions. He must put a real effort into school, not smoke before or during school, not smoke before work. He is allowed to smoke it outside. The result is: his grades went way up almost immediately (Grade 12 honour roll now, and going to college next year), and he works 20 hours a week at the same job for 2 years and loves it, plays hockey 12 months of the year, and never goes out to 'party' anymore. He is safe. When he smokes he is safe, cause he is here. I supply the weed through someone i know, so I know what he is getting, and he doesnt have to carry cash and do a deal somewhere scary. I know how much he is smoking, and it isnt very much. Its mostly after a full day of allll good things, that he will smoke some and then go watch the hockey game on tv and just chill.
That was a really hard one for me. I didnt want to 'allow' it, but felt he was in far worse trouble, if I didnt allow it. I felt it would be better if he did it here, since he was gonna do it anyway, under worse circumstances. This worked out for us. I am in no way suggesting it for you and your son, or anyone else, because it is a risk, and something none of us really wants to do. But my son was heading down the wrong track, and it was shoving a huge wedge between us, and he was rebelling big time. I didnt want him running with a street crowd...
So that explains how my son is doing. My daughter who is 20, is in university in her 2nd year of a 5year teachers programme. She had a couple of really rough years, but she too is solid now. She has PTSD as well, but not as severe as mine, thankfully, she wasnt exposed to as much of the day in-day out craziness. Of course we all have our times and issues still, but she is generally on the healing path. I am very very grateful...
I mentioned in my first post that I soley focussed on the kids and getting/keeping them on the right path, to get through this. It was my ONLY goal. I could not let what happened mean that their lives would go down the toilet because of what happened with their father, and to us. The result is: they are good and I am a mess. But it was worth it, cause the kids are good. And 1 would do it again if i had to. Now though, I am off work and being put on disability...and I dont want that, I want a life back. I want me back.
How does listening to you, help me, you wonder? Cause you need help, and I need help. And we can talk about things, and share, and understand. We can offer advice, or just listen. We can share what we tried, and if it worked or not. We can share a few laughs and pick each other up when we feel shitty. All sorts of things. I think I just sort of described what friendship is. In a nutshell: we can enjoy a friendship. I dont have to worry about being a shitty friend the way I do with people who are well and cant relate, and neither do you. We can be two shitty friends...being friends!!!! That is HILARIOUS! lol
So...did you work today? How was it? I am anxious to here...keeping my candle lit for you today, hoping all goes well...
Oh...one more thing...one more trick that has helped me...no matter how shitty I am feeling/doing...I try to have 'something to look forward to' no matter how small or silly. Sometimes I have to fake that- till i make it too...but it helps overall. You might want to try that, and sorta see if you can get your son thinking of some things he would like to do/see too. We need alllllllll positive things to swing the scale over to our side. We have had way to many negatives...we need as many good things as we can think of, and as much of them as possible....
