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Lucycat
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I think I agree. That is more positive and shows a line of progression with bumps and dips rather that cure and fail or fall.
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I Am Cured!?!
- Post starter Lucycat
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@Lucycat
Sorry that you are having a hard time feeling emotional. Do you think it isn't appropriate or that you do it too often? Do you feel like you need permission or that the things you are emotional over don't warrant the response therefore you are "overreacting?" I am questioning because I struggle with the emotions and don't have a good compass in that area. I hope you don't mind and don't feel like you have to answer. Those things just popped into my mind when I read your post based on ideas that would go through my head in similar circumstances. I simply cannot give myself permission to be emotional. I hate that!! Hope you feel like it is ok to answer!
Sorry that you are having a hard time feeling emotional. Do you think it isn't appropriate or that you do it too often? Do you feel like you need permission or that the things you are emotional over don't warrant the response therefore you are "overreacting?" I am questioning because I struggle with the emotions and don't have a good compass in that area. I hope you don't mind and don't feel like you have to answer. Those things just popped into my mind when I read your post based on ideas that would go through my head in similar circumstances. I simply cannot give myself permission to be emotional. I hate that!! Hope you feel like it is ok to answer!
- Post starter
- #27
Lucycat
Sponsor
@Rumors it is the over-reacting kind of thing. I know I am doing it but can't seem to stop. It feels like I am having a temper tantrum as a toddler and no amount of reasoning helps. For me it is my cuddly, bed and cry myself to sleep. However in the past I would have been in the same state on waking, these days the shadow passes overnight and this morning I am back to feeling 'cured' or in remission or whatever.
There is always a trigger to these events. As it often is, it was about me not being ( feeling) good enough..
There is always a trigger to these events. As it often is, it was about me not being ( feeling) good enough..
D
Deleted member 19804
This topic is coming up on the right time for me. My (soon to be ex-) T recently pronounced me "cured" and was very eager to get me to quit therapy with her. Thanks to the support of my parents and the awesome people on this forum I now know better.
I think I would consider myself healed to the maximum extent if I would be able to go symptom free for many weeks in a row and when I do experience symptoms, they will by far not be as debilitating as they are now. I want to be able to take a short break and then continue with my day.
Also, I want to be medication free (except for maybe some herbal stuff to help me relax).
I think I would consider myself healed to the maximum extent if I would be able to go symptom free for many weeks in a row and when I do experience symptoms, they will by far not be as debilitating as they are now. I want to be able to take a short break and then continue with my day.
Also, I want to be medication free (except for maybe some herbal stuff to help me relax).
I
I am Well Today
Good news and not so good news. I like to use the word recovery, but after today I may be leaning towards cured. I've suffered from trauma, unbeknownst to me since the age of 12. I have had several severe traumas, under all headings except combat. I grew up in the 60s and 70s in a war zone in Chi Town (for those who. Knows what that means), have had childhood, sexual abuse, physical abuse, violent crimes, rape, domestic violence both in my childhood home and in my adult home, car accidents, tornado behind me running for mine and my babies lifves, you get the picture, one trauma behind another, that's life when you are living. I was diagnosed with depression because I hid my anxiety, fear and rage behind sadness keeping busy and being choosy about my friends and those of us who grew up where I lived where always angry anyway, so no one thought anything of it. I know some can relate,
I have been fine some periods of my life and the rest various degrees of not so fine, fat, skinny, fat, skinny, isolating myself with fat, suicidal thoughts came twice in my life. I had children and was so busy, I never had time to think about much. Did not realize I had chronic PTSD until I began my journey to become a therapist about 18 years ago. it took me almost 10 years to get a drivers license and sit behind the wheel of a car and I wasn't even the driver in the accident. I would fine myself on the side of a building or on the floor every time a car back-fired or fire crackers went off, jump out of my skin when my kid jumped out at me and say boo and then yell at him and send him to his room. Sounds familiar.
I specialize in trauma, so I have read thousands of articles, research, books, videos, received lots of training, education and the much valued experience gained through working with the patients. I have not met the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis for several years, never got the formal diagnoses but am 100% sure I have had it maybe even before 12, that is just when I stopped a family from abusing me, never speaking a word about it until I was in my 30s. I have been able to navigate an education and a career successfully, no lasting personal relationships, various degrees of relationships with my family but no real closeness to anyone, even when I believed I was close the others they had never fully penetrated my wall, not even my children.
I got this last revelation 3 weeks ago, along with one other What and you call yourself a therapist? Easier to see others than yourself, but after 7 patients a day + 5 years, that didn't take so long, not including all the years between 12 years old and 5 years ago, I discovered the what, where and when to my fear. I realized I feared the rage would escape again every time that which represented the pain and hurt appeared. It was them or me, I was never going to be hurt again. I felt most threatened by those closest to me because most of the trauma came at the hands of a family member or someone who professed to care about me. I had this angst in the pit of my stomach whenever I was around my family, especially if they were male and taller than me. I went on alert and got that nervous, sick feeling. I had some feelings of relief from the fear at this time, wanted to share by new found revelations, but was still afraid to talk to them worried about reprisal, hurt feelings, anger at being told by the person closest to you that they had a wall up even to them.
The first talk, went fine but I left the wall up to them part out, still choosing to hesitate/avoid. The second conversation went better and I did share the wall part, but did not share the you might want to take a look into your trauma history part. Today, conflict arose because I am new at this and having the knowledge doesn't equal do better. I wanted a listening ear but forgot to say that and was quickly given a fix it statement so the conversation would end because they are uncomfortable talking about anything other than the weather. I was not pleased old habits kicked in, raised my voice (know better does not mean do better), and it escalated.
Today, that feeling that comes during conflict never came. I never became afraid when the voice of the other person raised, I did not want to flee. I was pressing on, yearning to process it and talk/yell through the tears of sadness/happiness, I was not sure in the beginning but sure it was tears of gladness at the end. I am not sure if this will stay for a while or be a wishy-washy friend, but i am going tovenjoy this moment and any more like them.
The other person, who is my son that i would gladly give my life, became confused, angry, afraid, couldn't handle it and fled, because he has a Trauma history as well, mine and his own. i thought i wanted to be heard, validated, etc., etc., etc. Funny how i don't feel this is very important any more. Now, i need to hear him, validate him, show him a connection to another person is not so frightening. i will give him love, time, be supportive and pray his journey is much shorter than mine, and that he chooses to live his life to the fulkest not just pretend to live.
I have been fine some periods of my life and the rest various degrees of not so fine, fat, skinny, fat, skinny, isolating myself with fat, suicidal thoughts came twice in my life. I had children and was so busy, I never had time to think about much. Did not realize I had chronic PTSD until I began my journey to become a therapist about 18 years ago. it took me almost 10 years to get a drivers license and sit behind the wheel of a car and I wasn't even the driver in the accident. I would fine myself on the side of a building or on the floor every time a car back-fired or fire crackers went off, jump out of my skin when my kid jumped out at me and say boo and then yell at him and send him to his room. Sounds familiar.
I specialize in trauma, so I have read thousands of articles, research, books, videos, received lots of training, education and the much valued experience gained through working with the patients. I have not met the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis for several years, never got the formal diagnoses but am 100% sure I have had it maybe even before 12, that is just when I stopped a family from abusing me, never speaking a word about it until I was in my 30s. I have been able to navigate an education and a career successfully, no lasting personal relationships, various degrees of relationships with my family but no real closeness to anyone, even when I believed I was close the others they had never fully penetrated my wall, not even my children.
I got this last revelation 3 weeks ago, along with one other What and you call yourself a therapist? Easier to see others than yourself, but after 7 patients a day + 5 years, that didn't take so long, not including all the years between 12 years old and 5 years ago, I discovered the what, where and when to my fear. I realized I feared the rage would escape again every time that which represented the pain and hurt appeared. It was them or me, I was never going to be hurt again. I felt most threatened by those closest to me because most of the trauma came at the hands of a family member or someone who professed to care about me. I had this angst in the pit of my stomach whenever I was around my family, especially if they were male and taller than me. I went on alert and got that nervous, sick feeling. I had some feelings of relief from the fear at this time, wanted to share by new found revelations, but was still afraid to talk to them worried about reprisal, hurt feelings, anger at being told by the person closest to you that they had a wall up even to them.
The first talk, went fine but I left the wall up to them part out, still choosing to hesitate/avoid. The second conversation went better and I did share the wall part, but did not share the you might want to take a look into your trauma history part. Today, conflict arose because I am new at this and having the knowledge doesn't equal do better. I wanted a listening ear but forgot to say that and was quickly given a fix it statement so the conversation would end because they are uncomfortable talking about anything other than the weather. I was not pleased old habits kicked in, raised my voice (know better does not mean do better), and it escalated.
Today, that feeling that comes during conflict never came. I never became afraid when the voice of the other person raised, I did not want to flee. I was pressing on, yearning to process it and talk/yell through the tears of sadness/happiness, I was not sure in the beginning but sure it was tears of gladness at the end. I am not sure if this will stay for a while or be a wishy-washy friend, but i am going tovenjoy this moment and any more like them.
The other person, who is my son that i would gladly give my life, became confused, angry, afraid, couldn't handle it and fled, because he has a Trauma history as well, mine and his own. i thought i wanted to be heard, validated, etc., etc., etc. Funny how i don't feel this is very important any more. Now, i need to hear him, validate him, show him a connection to another person is not so frightening. i will give him love, time, be supportive and pray his journey is much shorter than mine, and that he chooses to live his life to the fulkest not just pretend to live.
Whyteferret
Gold Member
I think we always carry memories and trauma. But, the symptoms can get better to the point the symptoms are no longer troubling. As in, we have a good life even with the memories.
But, we can be triggered again. Or perhaps we remember something new or something happens that triggers our PTSD. It could mean we're ready to work on another part of it.
I think recovery is more a journey than destination. But , we get better
expectingbetter
Diamond Member
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