General I Am Currently Engaged To Ptsd Sufferer.

[Msty]

I'm getting married in two months. My soon to be husband has PTSD from horrible childhood abuse at the hand of a trusted family member. He's really struggling and as the wedding gets closer the outbursts and episodes get more frequent and terrifying. He's never been physically abusive towards me, but there is a lot of screaming. cursing, blaming, accusing, and mood swings. It seems I can do or say nothing that is right. Nothing helps. He has such low self-esteem and fear anger and anxiety. I don't know what to do to help him. I don't talk about it with friends out family because I feel they will harshly judge him. I love him. He's an amazing man. So smart and caring loving, kind, just wonderful on his good days. He's my very best friend, but I have no idea how to help him. I'm scared to say anything some days. He's working so hard to get help and he was doing better but the stress brings out the symptoms tenfold. I don't know who to talk to I feel like I'm drowning half the time. I'm exhausted and down. I just hope to find here some encouragement some people who deal with this and have ideas for me for coping for not setting of triggers and for peace of mind. I pray a lot that helps me but how do I help him. When he's in a rage my voice or even my presence drives him up the wall. Anyone have words of wisdom or kindness for me?

 

[Nicolette]

I just hope to find here some encouragement some people who deal with this and have ideas for me for coping for not setting of triggers and for peace of mind

My advice from personal experience is to remove as much of the 'wedding' from his plate until the day... good stress is just as detrimental as bad stress. Try and involve him as little as possible and minimise the wedding fuss when he's around. What I did was ask what 'hubby to be' wanted to be involved in and he said as little as possible; it was my day. So my advice is lean on family, friends, girlfriends if opinions are required unless essential that he needs input. Worked a treat for me and also him :D.

I also made sure there was a break between the wedding day and the honeymoon which was another great outcome as gave him time to calm down from all the wedding hype before having to go somewhere and deal with the stress of that. We did stay in a gorgeous hotel on the wedding night, just had about 4 days between the ceremony and leaving for our official honeymoon with no one else around.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

First of all, congratulations on getting married. Let me see if I can help you or at least point you in the right direction.
I have CPTSD for a horrible life (in general). I have all of the things your fiance suffers from but I'm also on 5 different kinds of medication to stabilize me. When I'm not on my medication, I'm Ms. Hyde-one horrible piece of human machinery that can damage even the strongest person.

I'm supporting you. You have support here on this website; a family here who knows what it's like to have issues, to deal with the emotions of PTSD or CPTSD. There are so many questions I wanted to ask you to bring forth your situation to light.
1. Is he seeing a psychiatrist? If not, he needs to see one.
2. Is he seeing a counselor? If not, he needs to see one.
3. Does he have any outside help besides you to get him through this issue?
4. Are you seeking any kind of counseling in regards to this?

Sorry to ask so many questions and some of them are not anybody's business but you have a LOT on your plate. I'm worried that you're going to get married and he's going to be too much to handle if things aren't take care of immediately. He needs to get help if he doesn't have it already.

You are in my prayers, sweet lady.
Heather

 

[Chiqui]

I am very sorry you are having such a hard time... Difficult to answer. I have to stand for my rights with my partner and create firm boundaries. Also he did with me. He suffers from chronic pain and ptsd. I do ptsd. We love each other deeply, but any sort of abussive behaviour should be tolerated. Blaming, shouting, etc. He did it to me. But I said if you don't stop right now, I will leave you. And he knows I will. And viceversa.
Must be mutual respect. This situation helped a lot to both. But I was the first I said I would not tolerate that behaviour towards me. Big hug if you want to accept. And look after your welbeing. (I know it is a difficult situation) xx

 

[Msty]

Thank you all so much for responding. I cried like a baby when I read them. I sometimes feel so very alone in all of this. To answer some questions.
Yes he does have a psychiatrist he got just recently.
Yes he's been seeing a counselor for a few years and now is going more than his usual once a month.
No I don't have a counselor. I feel like I don't have time I work two jobs we work out 4 days a week (exercise calms him) and the wedding I feel like I have zero free time. That was the huge fight we had today was I'm gone too much and I don't have time for him.
He only has me to talk to other than that just his priest sometimes his grandma. Not many friends or family. It's difficult for people to understand PTSD so it drives them away.
Thank you all for your encouragement I really needed it. I love him so very much and I'm willing to put in the work I just need to know what works and what doesn't. Thanks again and hugs!!

 

[Kizzy]

I'm getting married in two months. My soon to be husband has PTSD from horrible childhood abuse at the han...

You can share what I've experienced life medicated can make you brainless blank minded fearless are scared but through it all without being able to show it the support infront of me was my heart while having a pain of struggle with Epilepsy he just cant tell you he is burried under it all and you are the oxygen that is left to keep him alive with little energy to thank you he holds on to the oxygen you provide because he needs it and he is helpless your care and love is the Power from God when one cant swim to the top for air stay strong