General I Am Over It!!!

[Jen]

:mad:
Yes he has PTSD yes he is depressed but it is starting to wear really thin with me!
This is me having a vent I need to get this out sorry!
I have been away for a week visiting my parents.
Hubby looked after the business which wasnt probably a good idea but I needed a break so it will take him ages to get over doing that extra work?
Xmas will be quiet our daughter will come over for lunch and our son will be home on Thursday for a few days which will be nice. It will be nice to have company in the house!
I noticed in our ceiling this morning that we have a water leak from our air cooler it looks pretty bad I woke him up his reaction was he walked out looked up at it said a few words and them went back to bed.FFS!!!!
I wonder if the roof falls in he may do something about it I just hope it dries out without to much damage and I will get the son to have a look when he comes home?
Sorry for ranting but I had to have a whinge to someone!!
Merry Xmas and thanks for all the support through the year!!!

 

[Bella78]

Hey Jen, I feel for you and know just how you feel. I wish there was an easy answer or solution, but I think we all know there isn't. Perhaps all I can offer is my sympathy and to let you know I am sending happy vibes.
Perhaps also just remember to stay on track in a time like this and don't lose you cool (hard I know). Remember if he has been left with a big responsibility (looking after the business while you were away) he could be a bit burnt out. He probably just needs a little rest and also reassurance that it's OK to do that, for the moment. From what I am learing, the less you try to force him to fix the leak, the sooner he will get to it.

I am by no means an expert on any of this as I have not even had the chance to practice caring for my PTSD husband properly yet. I am just waiting for him to come home so that I can.

Best of luck and Merry Christmas.
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Jen]

Thanks Bella its weird that he reacted like he did when he saw the leak.
But I cant compare him to someone without issues who would have dropped everything and tried to fix it hey?
Merry Xmas to you as well:hello:

 

[Jen]

Well we got through Xmas day ok I sort of expect nothing much out of him over the next couple of days?
Our son will be here tomorrow with his girlfriend to meet us he has 7 days leave so I hope hubby will get through this next week?
I bought him a Playstation 2 for Xmas he spent all day playing the poker game on it. You know it annoys me that he spends all day in front of the tele but at least his mind is doing something?
It would have been a waste of money buying him Gym Membership or a pushbike thats for sure:wink:

 

[Bella78]

Gald you got thru Xmas Day OK. Just don't forget hoe emotionally stressful it must be for him. Your patience is to be commended and venting on here will help maintain that.

And yes, it sure is better to have him sitting in front of the telly rather than sleeping, right?

Also, perhaps before your son arrivee, have a chat about the whole 'meeting the new girlfriend' thing, about if he has any feelings about it. He may be a bit overwhelmed about it and not even saying so. So perhaps of you establish that before they arrive, then if and when he begins to feel overwhelmed by it, he may feel safe and secure to lean on you about it.

You could also set up a plan for what he can do that you both feel confortable with if he needs to have a breather from the situation. He may like to take a ride down the shops with only your son, have some time alone somewhere, just have a 1 hour nap (but set the rule that it's only to be 1 hour and if he breaks the contract you will no longer "meet him half way". Seems he has a familiar sleeping issue...).

Perhaps if you set this all up, he will not only react better when overwhelmed and be able to recover easier and sooner, but also, it may reduce the liklihood of anything going pear shaped in the first place.

Good luck.

 

[Jen]

Thanks Bella those are very good points and yes he probably is overwhelmed with the Xmas thing and with our son coming home. BUT he does not tell me about his feelings I have tried before to help this way but am greeted with a brick wall?
I know he wants to take him to show him his ute that he is getting done up.
I can only hope that he makes an effort he has just dragged himself out of bed at 3pm says he has a headache but that excuse wear thin after a while?
Our son is going to Afghanistan in Feb so he really needs to make an effort!!

 

[Bella78]

Jen, don't forget he probably really does have a headche.... But oh geez! He and my hubby sound so similar!!

But that's what I mean about chatting to him gently about your son's visit. Don't rely on him expressing his feelings. Perhaps instead begin by saying, "Now, I understand this may all be starting to stress you out a little, so would you like to come up with some ideas how we can ease your stress if it starts to get a bit too much? And set up some ways you can let me know you are feeling that way, so we both understand eachother better if and when it happens."

It will probably be better received if you say it is so he enjoys the visit, or he may think that you are doing it for the benefit of his son and not him. Remember when they need to feel secure it has to be about them (within reason).

 

[Jen]

Thanks Bella I will see how it goes our son arrives soon so I am of to work for a little while then to the airport!

 

[Jen]

Well our son and his girl have been here for a few days and it lovley having them here!
Hubby still is not getting out of bed until late which is a shame but I went in before and asked if he was going to try and get up earlier today and got my head bitten of so FH!
Its his loss I enjoy having the kids here and I think our son wasnt expecting anything different from his father somehow?
He didnt get out of bed until 4pm yesterday?

 

[Kathy]

Oh dear. I am sorry he is still sleeping so late Jen and missing the opportunity to visit with your son. Is it typical for him to sleep so very late? I knew he was a late sleeper however I did not realize it was that late! Has he had a medication adjustment lately, or is this simply stress from the holidays?

That is a good attitude however Jen, it is indeed his loss, and a good thing your son does not expect much. The important thing is you enjoy having the kids there!

 

[Jen]

Hi Kathy yes quite often its mid afternoon before he surfaces. My New Year Resolution is more ME time I dont wait for him anymore!
I had a talk with him last night and asked him if he can remember the breathing and relaxation exercises he was taught on the PTSD course and he said he cant remember!
It was only 12 months ago!
Anyway while I was in the mood I asked why does he stay in bed all day?
He just kept saying "I dont know"
so I didnt push it!

 

[Kathy]

That is a very good resolution Jen, you come first! I am glad you have come to realize that point. There is only so much we can do if our loved ones don't cooperate!