I Am So Exhausted

[brie]

Hi,
I am just as you, new to this forum, but can totally relate.
I also have this ongoing flat mood.
Any tips of how to snap out of it are more then welcome.
I wish all of you courage on the road to recovery.
Brie

 

[Dot Warner]

Hi Starry,

I really relate a lot with what you describe:

Therapy has helped me get back on track a bit but I feel like everything has been blown up into a billion tiny little pieces and it is such a long, draining process trying to put the puzzle back together and trying to re-build my life from a state of crisis. It is like the person I was before the trauma is no longer relevant. I feel disconnected from that person, like looking at old photographs of myself, it does not feel like that was me. Or if I do accept it is a photo of me, it feels like a billion years ago and that was literally a different life time. My whole belief system has been torn to shreds, what I thought was right and important no longer seems right or important. The way I viewed myself and the world has been turned up side down and I constantly have a feeling of being lost, stuck, sad, in grief, skeptical and deep down question the point of anything and everything.

I also feel I am in pieces and I don't have any more my believes and my values, that were very important to me and are the base of one's behaviour.

It is such heavy feelings to be dealing with and no one seems to get it. People tell me that it was 'in the past and it's time to move on'

I don't think that other people can understand. I've needed a lot of years to realize what my condition was, and I had all the informations. So I can imagine that for an outer person it should be harder.

Well I try everyday to forget about it, I try so hard to pretend I am normal and like I used to be. I try to block out what has happened or pretend it never happened. I know denial is not good however focusing on my sadness and feeling depressed is not good either, so I feel forced to not dwell on it because if I do I became extremely distressed, sad and angry. It's really tricky and I catch up with people, say friends and smile and pretend I am fine but the truth is I constantly feel so very different from most people.

This is the part of what we are living that I hate more.
I also go forward and back to my real feelings, continually, because I can't live with them present in my mind, I have to act I am good.
But doing like that I am more confused, because I push my real emotions down and so it's still more difficoult to understand who I am.
This is tricky because we don't know how to solve it.

For example, it's years that I am convinced that if I had someone to help me to organize myself, to be centred, not to go away with my mind, to remind me what I have to do, to face problems and see priorities, to see the connections between things.. if I had this kind of help in my life, but every day, my life would be good and I could forget all the past.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Hi Starry,

Wow, I really think I could have written your post word for word and it would have been true for me as well. Yes, yes, yes, I can relate along with the many others on this site as well. I hope you find comfort in being here.

PH

 

[BrotatoSalad]

I relate so deeply to how you are feeling. I articulate my feeling as "tired. In all ways." My own recovery seems like it's taking forever and I worry I will never get better, however I try really hard to look forward to my up moments (those generally occur during the day when I'm extremely busy and stimulated). I am sorry that you are feeling exhausted, and I really hope coming to this forum helps you, as I hope it helps me.