I Am So Upset!

[Zoe1972]

My T told me today she had to close her practices effective this week. She is battling cancer. She started treatment in November. She is not responding to the chemo.

I am so lost. I am upset for her and her family, what she is going through. But the selfish part of me is like how can this be happening to me. I have been seeing for her for about 10 months and I don't know if want or can start over with someone else. Today was the first day she ever saw my cry.

I feel so lost :-(
I don't know if this shock!?

 

[arfie]

To me, "shock" is as good a name as any for what I felt when I have been in a similar place. Then there was the guilt over my selfish reaction to a crisis in somebody else's life. Finding a therapist I can be comfortable with is no small feat. The idea of starting from scratch was debilitating, even with assurance that my progress was stronger than that.

Give it time, Zoe. Sustaining hugs while you sort it all out.

 

[WillyKat]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's tragic that she can't continue to help you or the others she treats. Good therapists don't grow on trees.

But I don't think all is lost for you. Maybe she can refer you to someone. That new therapist won't be able to fill your current therapists shoes, but s/he may still help you. Moreover, if she truly helped you, then you can be strong enough to get through this. It would be a great honor to her for you to find the strength to move through this and would honor her skill and compassion.

 

[Zoe1972]

@WillyKat
She did give me a few referrals that she trusted would take care me. Two which are trauma therapist.

I get what your saying about honoring her. Yes- she did such good for me. I am just so unsure right now.

 

[Zoe1972]

@arfie Thanks for your post. I think I need sometime to process this.

 

[Zoe1972]

So I played phone tag with someone my T referred me too today.The therapists gave me 4 other people I could try. It was very strange. She started off with she would not be able to make the first appointment with me until 4/14 as she books up quickly. Then went on to say something like it's very hard to work with someone that is being made to change when it's not their decision. It was like she didn't want see me because this was not my choice.This only makes me feel worse. I wish she would have said she is not taking on new clients.

My T called her yesterday and told her what was going on and that some of her client may call her.

 

[arfie]

Small steps, Zoe. You did great with making the calls. Be patient with the process and try not to let the bumps get to you. Try. Forgive yourself when it agitates you despite your best efforts. Did you get far enough with your last T to have picked up any good coping tools?

Hang in there. It can be a tough process.

 

[Zoe1972]

@arfie - thanks for your post.

Yes- we worked on coping skills. Sometimes I forget to use them. I think I have let my emotions take over. I remembered this morning how hard it was find my last T. I am feeling better today. I am not going put pressure on myself this week to find someone new.

 

[Justmehere]

Zoe - I am so sorry you are going through this and that your therapist has cancer, and her decline in health has come so suddenly. That first therapist sounds like she may already have a full caseload... I wouldn't take it personally. (I know, so easy to say, so hard to do.) I think it is excellent you had the courage to call and I hope you keep at it and find someone who is a great fit for you. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Lucycat]

Then went on to say something like it's very hard to work with someone that is being made to change when it's not their decision.

I would think she is acknowledging that it is hard for you.