I Am Who I Am

[Notsowild]

I've came to the realization that I am never going to completely recover from PTSD. People will just have to except me like this. I will always be scarred from my child abuse. That will never go away. I just want to get well enough to be able to hold a job and have a few friends. I will always be a little quirky to everyone. I'll never quite fit in. I know my family will always love me no matter what and that's all that really counts.

 

[Lionheart]

Notsowild,

I am a survivor of severe, prolonged, child abuse / multiple traumas and I am here to tell you that you can heal almost to the point of being cured! You can reach a whole other level of healing that you may not be able to even imagine at this point. If you are determined, if you have the guts, and if you are gentle and patient with yourself....I am living proof.

I can't work because I am disabled, but I have the love of family and friends and a greater quality of life than I ever thought was even possible. You can have that too if you are willing to work hard for it!!!

It is well worth it I can tell you that. If you are not in therapy or on medication please consider doing so, but whatever you find works for you, stick with it and keep at it. You can do it!!!!

Wishing you peace and success,
Lionheart

 

[WillyKat]

Being comfortable in one's own skin is a good milestone in the healing process. Maybe "getting over it" is sort of a false objective. PTSD isn't a cold. If you think about it, we have a lot of things we don't get over: root canals, torn muscles or ligaments, back injuries. I like to think of myself kind of like a whale, where they can be identified by their scars. Still a majestic beast that's been around for a time.

 

[Notsowild]

@Lionheart777...thanks for all your thoughtful words. Yes I am on meds and in trauma therapy. I definetly want to get better. I have had lots of therapy over my lifetime. But I'm at the age (57) where I can't keep going forever. I have to accept myself as I am.

 

[Notsowild]

I like to think of myself kind of like a whale, where they can be identified by their scars. Still a majestic beast that's been around for a time.

I love this! Can I use it?

 

[Lionheart]

@Lionheart777...thanks for all your thoughtful words.

You are most welcome!!!

I have to accept myself as I am.

I understand and I commend you for doing so!

 

[Notsowild]

@Lionheart777... The only thing I might regret is not having a relationship. I know you did a thread on this. I was starting to date before my last trauma. And boy was that hard at my age. Now I even have more quirks than before. Handling a relationship plus PTSD sounds too hard for me.

 

[WillyKat]

@Notsowild: Of course you can.

 

[ptsdsolution]

Scars both on the inside and the outside make you stronger in some ways and more vulnerable in other ways. No matter what you are a beautiful human being who deserves to be loved and cherished by more than just family and friends!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can relate, I reached a point in my therapy when I finally woke up and said I am going to be in therapy the rest of my life until I learn how to think for myself.

I have gone back for tune ups with therapists and I am seeing a doctor now for grieving over the death of my husband of thirty six years. I am getting the help I need.

I like you just fine the way you are. I think you are wonderful and enjoy reading your posts.

 

[Lionheart]

@Lionheart777... The only thing I might regret is not having a relationship. Handling a relationship plus PTSD sounds too hard for me.

I certainly regret not having a relationship, but I am up for the challenge, ...I think. I have learned a bit about what a healthy relationship is and how to have one. I know it takes two healthy people for it to work. Half of all relationships, I hear, don't work out, so we are up against some sad odds, but I think if we don't try we will miss out on something beautiful and rare!

I hope things work out for you the way you wish for them to!!!
:angelic::inlove::angelic::inlove::angelic::inlove::angelic::inlove::angelic:
Wishing you peace and love,
Lionheart

 

[Rumors]

Lionheart said, ". I know it takes two healthy people for it to work."
@Lionheart777 I somewhat disagree. I think that "healthy" is up for definition ;), however for sake of argument lets say our definitions are similar in that these people aren't in desperate medical need of hospitalization and that they just basically have unhealthy thinking styles and practices. In my opinion based solely on my experience, if you have two people who are AWARE of their unhealthy patterns and they are working on bettering themselves, a marriage can work. I don't think you will find any couple in the world that is 100% healthy and doesn't have baggage. I think the difference is that your marriage has to be the priority and you need to be willing to make sacrifices that exhibit a genuine care for the union. Now, I am excluding marriages where a spouse is verbally or physically abusive or drastic things of that nature. I think a marriage can work as long as the communication is open and that the two people are willing to continue to work on themselves individually, and as a couple in or out of therapy. Just my opinion.

I don't doubt that most marriages don't survive, but in essence you should consider yourself ahead of the game in the respect that most people don't know what their personal baggage is going into a marriage and only figure it out, if ever, during the marriage. You can say, "this is me and I am working on these things." In a mature relationship at the age you are now and with the communication skills you now have, you might find that a relationship/marriage is more successful than ever anticipated!!! Best wishes!