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I believed for 1104 days her death was a suicide... now maybe not???

Discussion in 'Military & Emergency Services' started by brokenEMT, May 1, 2018.

  1. DharmaGirl

    DharmaGirl Crazy Chicken Lady Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I still say the damage was done when you were told she had suicide. This is an unconscionable act, it should never, ever have happened. Trying to tell a person with PTSD that they can't have it because the info at the time was wrong? That is horrifying that they would stoop so low. Asswipes! I agree the lawyer may be the best.
    Freida, blackemerald1, Zoogal and 3 others like this.
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  3. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

    I just have to say that I love the collaboration in this thread insofar as resources out there. This is what it is all about. The support to each other is so evident and it gives me goosebumps. Much respect to each of you. We're all walking with you @brokenEMT.
    zombycat, Freida, DharmaGirl and 6 others like this.
  4. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    I'm stuck on this. I keep thinking that if I can't prove she was a suicide, among all the other shit they want me to prove, then I can't have ptsd. Suck it up, stop whining, and go back to work. And get the hell off this site, I don't deserve to be here.
  5. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

    Please listen very carefully. Nobody here doubts that you have PTSD my friend. The WCB may be attempting to minimize and discredit you because it is in their agenda to not pay you. To force you back to work. What they are doing has nothing to do with you and the truth of your health.

    Don't let that bullshit take residence in your brain. So yes, you do actually belong here. We all know it and I hope like hell that you continue to know it. Please do not let an agency with an agenda cause you to doubt the pureness of your character and the depth of your suffering.
    Neverthesame, Freida, scout86 and 4 others like this.
  6. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    @brokenEMT - you have had two separate and independent diagnosis of PTSD.

    Just bc someone who is paid to get you off their case-load tweaks a situation you have lived with for over 1000 days doesn't mean you or anyone else did not acquire PTSD as a result of that belief.

    The damage cannot be undone once it is done. The cup spilled over at some point after you were told your partner had committed suicide.

    You did not imagine a story about suicide - you were told this. You cannot undo the way you acquired this information and the flow on effects that resulted.

    You do not have to present them with anymore then the facts you were given with at the time your partner died.

    At some stage you were confronted with the loss of your partner and told it was suicide. It doesn't matter who comes along later and wants to correct the manner of death or even if it was not suicide...you still suffered shock & trauma which unfortunately resulted in PTSD.

    Your partner is still deceased that cannot be undone. You still suffer the grief and loss of your partner with the nexus being your work and any other work related trauma that has occurred over your career - none of that can be undone.

    I get what they are saying to you. No suicide so everything is sweet...off you trot. No! It doesn't work that way. You can only process and deal with information you are given at the time you are given it. You cannot undo loss, grief etc regardless of how it comes about.

    Public records should be accessible for you to find a cause of death. I would not pay a attorney to find this. I am assuming any unnatural death (suicide is deemed to be unnatural) - there would have been a coroner's investigation of some sort or at least a police enquiry. I don't know how the system works for you there. In any case I would be contacting the local police department in your area and asking them - (do it in person if necessary) - tell them who you are & how you are connected to your partner and would the officer who prepared the coroner's brief please tell you cause of death. But do it quietly and calmly. Just for your own information - not to prove anything to your workers comp.

    The thing is - even though I know this is doing your head in @brokenEMT - are they suggesting your partner died of natural causes? Are they suggesting your partner was murdered? Any way you look at it you are still suffering the tragic loss of your partner with whom you worked and were told I presume, by a credible source you had no reason to disbelieve, that it was a suicide and possibly work related suicide.

    None of your facts have changed. Even if 'they' want to re-invent the wheel you will still know what the old wheel looked & felt like. You cannot undo this. Nor can they.

    You are not cannon fodder to your workers comp's latest financial bottom line. You need legal representation bc they are going to be constantly reviewing your fitness for duty and trying to crack you one way or another. They are exacerbating your injury - PTSD.

    As other's have said they are just bastards with not one humane bone. A legal rep. might suggest an independent evaluation. Have you been before a medical/psychiatric board before?
  7. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    thanks for your support, logically I get what you're saying.
    and then there's the other side of my brain, the side that apparently drank the kool aid, screaming all kinds of ... negativity
  8. Daph

    Daph Active Member

    So I just skimmed here. We both know a bit more details as it did not happen here in our country. So how does our employer know the true cause/ comment on that? It would have been out of our healthcare system...
    Not to be morbid, but there could not be an autopsy here as per family decisions were made there prior. So I thought certificates come from the place that pronounce/provide COD. I did not think our employer has full access to those registries as it is done by government otherwise outside healthcare.

    The only way they would know is if the family provided such details I feel. Maybe I am wrong...

    And I question if the family even shared those details to them over friends and people that actually showed support (ie. bringing flowers and dog treats).
    Freida and littleoc like this.
  9. brat17

    brat17 I'm a VIP

    BrokenEMT-I read your original posts but not all of the other ones. It really caught my eye because I know what you are feeling. In 1974, at age 28, my sister died. I was only 15. We were told by her first husband that her current husband killed her. He was in jail and had murdered a bar tender by stabbing him to death. We knew her husband was a nut. Her first husband took custody of her two young boys. I had many questions but my other older sisters or mother didn't have any real answers.

    I was 30 when I wrote to the coroners office and requested all records. There had been a coroners inquest but only our mother got the notice of inquest. She did not attend or offer anyone else to attend. (she was alcoholic). She had no alcohol, amphetamines, or barbiturates in her system. She did have salicilates in her system but not enough to kill her. In the end, the results were that it was undetermined if her death was suicidal or accidental. By now, I was already an advocate for victims of domestic violence and believed that was the cause. What a mind F#$%.

    Another 2 decades passed before I found my nephews (her sons) who were raised by their father. The live 500 miles away. I drove to their city and spent a few days with them, taking them pictures and filling in blanks for them. One has his own business and doing very well. He didn't remember his mom. The other remembers well, and took it much harder, told me that she died of heroine overdose. He said that his dad told him this. The toxicology screenings did not search for everything in 1974, particularly a poor girl in a big city with no family advocating for testing.

    I always suspected that she might take some sort of drugs. In hind sight, Im sure she was addicted to pain meds way back then. I have spent most of my life wondering what happened to her....What REALLY happened to her, not some damn hypothesis.

    In the end, I have to accept that I really don't know. I do know she was not murdered even though her husband was in prison for murder of someone else. She may have committed suicide because she knew her husband was about to be caught for murder, or it may have been accidental. Not knowing really sucks! Yet I have to accept something, so I have chosen to accepted that it was an accidental overdose which to me is most likely.
    I don't know if you will find it helpful, if not, just disregard. I know its taken my 4 decades to get answers and acceptance.
  10. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member


    She had been diagnosed with ptsd the previous year, after a series of bad calls, including one involving a co-worker and his spouse. She had just found out that she wouldn't ever be returning to ems, and would have to find a new career. So, she took a trip to Cuba, had a great time, and OD'd in the bathroom of the plane mid-flight. When she was found, the plane was diverted to a city in the U.S., and all the post-mortem processes and the investigation were done there. She was also cremated in the U.S., and then repatriated to Canada.

    So, no I wouldn't be able to access anything regarding the investigation or COD from law enforcement here, because that was all done in another country. That information would have been sent here, likely to her family, doctor, and wcb... I only have access to wcb.

    I think that's where this is heading, since wcb refuses to validate the claim without proof of everything I've told them. < that's another convoluted conversation

    ^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^ but they refuse to listen.... because I don't have ptsd, I made everything up, and now my partner maybe didn't die by suicide.
  11. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    all of this!!!!!

    so the last I heard from appeals, he couldn't/wouldn't confirm her COD, but what he did say was that in the file wcb says she didn't suicide because "[our employer] doesn't believe it was a suicide".

    why would wcb be getting that information from our employer? wcb had an active file on her, they would be getting that information from her family and the appropriate officials in St. Louis.

    I'm beginning to wonder if wcb just closed her file without confirming her COD.

    Also, when one of us has an accident, gets cancer, dies for any reason other than suicide, our employer discloses a lot of information. But suicides? they clam up tighter than a sphincter, literally no info.
  12. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    @brat17 I'm really sorry that you lost your sister, especially with both of you being so young, and the 2 little boys.

    I've also lost a family member under unknown circumstances... he literally just vanished. It will be 15 years ago this year, and no answers. Having no answers really is a crazy making mindf*ck. I accepted years ago that he's dead, and that I likely won't ever know what happened to him.
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