ED I binged and then purged for the first time today...

[Springer80]

I do not need to feel the shame or the guilt. That is for sure. I just hate how I look.

Well you certainly don't need the guilt and shame. I suppose that if my lungs were on view for people to see or my kidney function then I wouldn't feel too hot about it! Gamblers wouldn't want others to see their bank balance or home repossession.

Have you ever seen a series by a guy called Gok Wan? Maybe if you dressed to flatter your figure for a while it would give you the pep you need? Everybody has got an asset they can show off!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

That is interesting that you say to dress up. I have been putting on dresses that are flattering. I have been fixing myself up. I have been getting a mani/pedi done, and I got a card from a nice hair salon and I plan on getting my blonde hair dyed auborn and getting it cut to look nice. Thanks for saying that. I have quit smoking for seven months so I think my lungs are also in bad shape. Thanks for giving me some healthy perspective. I really appreciate that alot.

 

[mamachick]

So many great posts and so much honest sharing.
I did this to myself and others. Overdrew the bank account, spent the grocery money, lungs up in smoke, overworked an injury, drank until I could no longer walk, starved myself through forgetfulness, even burned myself once. This takes a lot of energy. I guess if I am capable of doing all of this, somewhere I must be capable of committing some good. Dont know how to turn the tables at the moment, but know shame is not the answer. My advice-stay off the scales. Try to start each day new.

 

[Srain]

I know you are capable of it too, Brat. I've come back from the edge over many forms of this, the last of which was having gone through such deep despair I pretty much had decided to give up and give in. I stopped taking care of myself physically and mentally the battle got worse, so I let it roar on without fighting all that hard to save myself. The more tired I was the more tired I became.

It's the most difficult time to fight when my face is in the mud and I feel like I can't breathe. I know it is only a breath at a time, one foot in front of the other, and starting out setting small goals. I don't get on the scales much these days but I can assure you that when I catch myself hopping on and off more than once a month I know in my gut I have something running through me that bares looking at, though I am not always willing or able to look at that time.

When I start putting off one too many things today that I could be doing, there is something that I'm trying to not to look at; and when I start throwing far too many things away I'm feeling the need to bolt outside myself. The list goes on and on ... staying at peace inside myself is not anything I have known much of but when I find it I know it because it doesn't feel chaotic or shameful.

 

[missmary]

a survivor's rare or only experiences of something approaching well-being may be when flooded with endogenous opioids during dissociative experiences, or other opioid-inducing behaviours such as self-harm, addictive behaviours, eating disorders, OCD and so on, and therefore 'habit-forming'

...Nail; meet head. Well done! Thank you for that post!

 

[Springer80]

I have quit smoking for seven months so I think my lungs are also in bad shape.

Hi Gizmo,

Sounds like your building things up nicely!!!:tup: Id say everyone on here deserves to spoil themselves and be spoiled a bit more! Good luck and have fun with the pampering and CONGRATUALTIONS on being free from the cigarettes:sick: ! Welcome to the fresh air club:angelic: ! I finally joined in December last year and I love it. I went up to 13 stone for a bit but then Im tall so it has further to spread ;) . I think I actually started to look healthier, although the nurse did prod her finger into my belly at one point at it sort of disappeared!! Cheek of her! Adrenaline really starins your body, so maybe a bit extra for a whlie is ok?

...Nail; meet head. Well done! Thank you for that post!

Cheers! I know what you mean that's exactly what I thought when I read it (its not mine). Your not doing it to yourself and its not part of your personality or a character defect or some such bol**cks blame portioning explanation. There is a natural product which is supposed to assist this 'flooding' thing, called black cumin oil, or if you still want anything to do with doctors a pharmaceutical made to treat addicts in small doses is being trialled, its called something like Nalextrone?? Good news is it says its normal and physiological explainable. I definitely think the best part for me when I began to understand the implications was that I stopped looking at myself as the problem. :)

My advice-stay off the scales. Try to start each day new.

Bravo!!! :tup: My thoughts exactly. What are they for anyway? I understand that jockeys need them but if you know your going in the right direction you dont need them, you can see the results and if your not you know that too. All they do is tell you in painful detail.

I go on them maybe once a year. I don't own a pair. I sneak onto them round a family members house and take a quick look. I sort of play a higher or lower game with myself since the last time. Like a Christmas weigh in. (How big is the bird this year!!!!!)