Sexual Assault I Can't Get Past My Trauma?

[living_on_hope]

I am a survivor of sexual assault. I'm in therapy and have been on medications. Nothing can remove how I feel about the trauma. I can't move past this. My mother, who survived PTSD, tells me that there is no way that I can run away from it, I just have to get past it. I don't want to have to go through what happened again. I can't forget what he did to me. I don't feel like anything can help me. My PTSD has caused me to have suicidal ideations (without a plan), and they are getting stronger. Do any of you know how I can get past this?

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Hi,

PTSD kind of isn't a condition you can just get over or cause to disappear quickly. You can make gradual progress towards managing symptoms, and some treatments can help with reprocessing memories more quickly, but there is no easy cure.

You need a therapist who has experience with trauma. Medications can help, particularly with anxiety, although sometimes they don't help much.

To get "past" it, you need to reprocess your memories. Not to relive them, but to work and work on transforming them—through writing or art or talk.

It's scary, but you're a survivor. You can do this. It is going to hurt, but you can do this.

I think "get past" is an ill-suited term. I have complex PTSD brought on by over 20 years of trauma, and I am somewhat near 15 years removed from it, but it still causes me to suffer. I think we learn to live with it. PTSD can be chronic.

But it is definitely not the end of good living.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

By the way -- pick up a good book about PTSD. Learn about your condition, because it is really only through understanding it that you can make bigger steps to getting better.

 

[living_on_hope]

By the way -- pick up a good book about PTSD. Learn about your condition, because it is really only...

Thank you for responding. Your comment really helped. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi,
Are you seeing a trauma therapist who is trained in helping clients with PTSD?

I think this is a key factor in getting through PTSD.

:hug:

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Thank you for responding. Your comment really helped. :)

I'm very glad. I hope you stay with us -- starting a trauma diary in one of the trauma forums is a start to reprocessing through writing. You can read other diaries (like mine) to get an idea of what can go into one.

The "members only" trauma diary section is not shown to non-members and thus won't show up on Google or other search engines. I recommend, if you feel like this, starting there.

 

[living_on_hope]

Hi,
Are you seeing a trauma therapist who is trained in helping clients with PTSD?

I think this...

Yes, and I've tried one session of EMDR, but it was very stressful and painful.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Yes, and I've tried one session of EMDR, but it was very stressful and painful.

Yeah... EMDR really needs to be done after the patient has established some kind of good coping mechanism framework. My therapist is working on prepping me for EMDR, and my raw coping skills are actually good. They still aren't good enough for EMDR. He had a list of requirements that I needed to have, but I have forgotten them.

Premature EMDR, my therapist tells me, tends not to help.

 

[Seasounds]

"Getting past" (attempting to ignore it) caused deeper problems. Taking the attitude of "working through", and "living with PTSD" as suggested in posts above-using various therapies, PTSD education, coping tools, medications, helped me. EMDR was not helpful to me. And Alanon groups help reinforce how to create positive self-esteem and good relational patterns; it also helps when I am down.

A few things that haven't been mentioned, that helped me were (I mean this in a way to unlock the psychic, and emotional chains of abuse, not to excuse behavior), was to, every morning say, until I felt a shift ( took 2 years) say, "I forgive myself and I forgive my abuser." It freed me from the 'deadlock' of holding anger, because I did nothing wrong. It gave me the power to heal, rather than wait for the abuser acknowledge what happened When you do the exercise, imagine the you are safe and protected from your abuser.

In addition to talking about and sharing my feelings with someone, regularly doing some kind of movement-The Alexander Technique, or yoga, helped free me too, along with some gentle, deep tissue massage. The body needs help, just like our mind do, in releasing trauma.

Finally, doing grounding work, gently imaging the earth's energy coming up through the souls of your feet, 1 minute, twice a day, for 1-2 months. When someone first told me to do this, I thought they were crazy. When I asked why it would help, they said that it connects you to a neutral energy source, instead of working off of your old energy source-trauma. After doing this exercise, a bunch of depression released and I wasn't as anxious.

Take your time, open to different approaches, be gentle with yourself, take distance from people who trigger you, draw closer to relationships that don't trigger you, listen to your body and intuition. You will be able to move into greater freedom.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's good that you're seeing a trauma therapist.

Can I ask how long you've been in therapy? Is your therapist teaching you coping skills and how to stay stabilized?

 

[Killashandra]

Would you expect to "get past" diabetes? Cancer? Etc?
No sweetie we don't just get past it, we work on recovery. My favorite saying is "it works if you work it so work it because your worth it"
In the end we did survive but we didn't live, or learn those coping strategies that normal folk learn.

I have Complex Ptsd from neglectful parenting and CSA. Some days are worse than others but as ava said if you want to reprocess these memories it's best to start jotting down and tracing back those steps that caused the incorrect thought patterns that were established when trauma was happening. You don't need to relive it. I write in the trauma diary but I don't go into deep detail about the trauma as such mostly because I'm Disassociative and one of my alters has the key to those memories, but I write what the trauma has done and how it has effected me. Finding those triggers which can be anything.... for example, I had a breakdown starting about 10 mths ago but I didn't realize what was going on, there were major changes at work and my manager went on maternity leave, I didn't realize that my breakdown was due to the abandonment I felt from my boss having a baby and leaving me with people I didn't know... stupid really but it effected me deeply. As I said it triggers can be anything but it's learning those triggers and how to cope with them that is the key to a step toward recovery

With effort and the right support network ie therapist, this forum, books and education on the disorder, things will get marginally better. But it won't just go away I'm sorry to say.
Be kind to yourself it wasn't your fault. You were just trying to live.

All the best

Killa

 

[anthony]

Nothing can remove how I feel about the trauma. I can't move past this.

Lets be a little more honest here -- you haven't found what works for you YET and as a result you're stuck in a negative mindset NOW. Be honest with yourself about the present versus what could be.

My mother, who survived PTSD, tells me that there is no way that I can run away from it, I just have to get past it.

First, you don't survive PTSD. You survive trauma, you move through trauma. Guess what? You survived, because here you are too, just like your mum. PTSD is just a name for a bunch of symptoms caused because you suffered trauma.

I don't want to have to go through what happened again.

Unfortunately, you have to weigh the fear of facing your fears versus what your fear is doing to you now. You don't need to experience what you experienced in order to work through your trauma, but you do need to talk about what you feel. What is going on in your head. What you feel is wrong with you and stopping you. Your solution actually exists in your words, but until they're spoken, then you continue to suffer. You need back and forth discussion to find solutions to the problems in your head.

I can't forget what he did to me.

You aren't expected to forget what has happened. Your choice at this time is simply -- do you want to continue suffering symptoms, or not? If yes, do nothing. If no, then start talking with feedback to find solutions unique to you.