I can't stop myself from lying

[Ronin]

Priorities thing.

IDGAF personally if it's a lie if it's following in the same goal & doing its job & not in the way of mine. Result over rhetorics.

A good liar & thinking through liar can be more useful than truth speaking moron with no clue.

 

[Gs172003]

Unless you're telling me something to humiliate me ( truth) or keep me safe ( lie) I will always always always prefer the truth.of course there are many other examples but you get the point I'm sure.

 

[Ronin]

That's what I'm talking about though; validity of information (truth / lie / how much of either) doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with intent and intent isn't all there is to action.

Getting the point, this is just one of those super tangled areas in my life. So no worries / not personal with you, and I'm glad for the exchange as it allowed me to find words for at least some of why it's complicated. :) Thank you for that.

 

[Ronin]

I try not to and a good portion of the time I'm very honest. That's what I find most confusing.

I'd look for a middle ground.

You have good reasons for sharing, it seems.

She has good reasons for not sharing, which get viewed as dishonesty / lying, by you.

So sit together, have a talk about this. What areas and how much can you agree to share on, in what ways and with whom, and what's contingency plans should that go sideways; who of you will clean it up and in what manner.

 

[Ronin]

as my head is twisted anyway and wants to tell me I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not a terrible person Punky. :) You're working through something difficult. Talking about it for the first time. Yet finding how to, which tends to be exhaausting. You're doing alright, it's okay to take breaks and doesn't mean you're horrible & hated by anyone & will be hurt for it. Pinkie promise.

 

[Friday]

Learning to be honest is a skillset. Just like learning to lie. It takes practice.

 

[Leighlee87]

I'm pretty sure I'm humanly incapable of lying (or at least doing a good job of it)....and it sucks. When I try to lie my face turns bright red and I can't look at the person. Usually, instead of the truth, I just refuse to answer the question. Which my therapist has ohhh so wonderfully used to her advantage, she's learned to phrase things so that my silence basically gives away the answer. fml. I think most everyone has moments of lying though, and if you google the number of lies a person tells

 

[Abstract]

Denial is not your or any part of you's fault. Its a normal possible reaction to trauma. Deep dark secrets are there for a reason and its normal to protect them. Changing that is good but can take time. Not passing on others confidential info is surely a good thing. ? (if its a part not wanting to tell trauma then trust takes time). I'm not sure I understood about the money and buying things but none of us is perfect. I don't consider any of the first listed things as lying. We get to decide what we reveal and when. Not doing that can even be actively harmful for us or others.

Do you lie to get things out of people rather than self or other protection or social appropriateness? If you do then what do you think is the under-riding motivation or feeling fuelling this for you? There has to be something driving it. Is it a rebellion? A way to express separation from others? A way to try to boost yourself?

Well done for looking at it.

 

[Deleted member 37343]

Just food for thought, do you think you're lying could be a defense mechanism? Or is it more of an obsessive thing? You must achieve your goal and will do ANYTHING to get it? Have you tried challenging that obsessive thought? I think the fact that you're acknowledging what you're doing and speaking about it is a huge big step. So good on you. :) Not many will come out to say they lie, let alone more than a handful of times... but it's not an abnormal thing. Maybe mention this to your therapist(if you have one) and maybe when you get an obsessive goal, try to figure out a way you can obtain it without lying. I know it'll be hard for you because it's something you're not used to, but I'd love for you to try.