I can't take life anymore

[Smile]

I had a session today with T... usually feel good after that. Think I know why I'm feeling soooo low.

We've been trying to get me into a routine of doing 15 minutes of mindfulness daily but I've been spotty with it.

After session today I did it. But I couldn't focus on my breathing. Thoughts (& mostly not fun ones) kept jumping in.

Maybe it's bc I did it with my eyes closed this time, maybe (I know) I need more practice but it's still left me here...

I don't even have the energy to explain how I feel. I think if you've ever posted in this forum, you probably get the gist.

Oh! And to top it all off, my 20 yr old called me just the other day sobbing hysterically. She was having an anxiety attack... based on what? A fear that her whole family and friends would die on her.

Talk about pressure

 

[shimmerz]

Sounds to me like you aren't ready for closed eyes.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Sorry things feel so shitty right now. Heart hugs heading your way. I remember when I was trying to learn mindfulness I kept feeling like I was forever failing at it because I couldn't sit still and be quiet and hush my mind at all. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn't happening.

I had to do meditation in motion...like walking, dancing, hula hooping, gardening, wild crafting, foraging, etc. I had to engage in some type of calming (for me) activity and ease into it a few minutes at a time each day, usually once in the early part of the day and once again towards bed time, and as needed in between, and incorporate breathing techniques as I went along. Once I got more comfortable with the breathing techniques, I was able to quiet the mind in stillness a little more each time, but still prefer motion more often than not.

I can finally sit still and think of absolutely nothing now....and that is priceless...and damn near feels like a super power to this typically turbo thinking brain. Make it fun so it's something you actually look forward to. I used to dread the thought of both meditation and exercise when I thought I had to do it a certain way. Once I learned to tailor them to what jives best with my needs and notions in a way I can look forward to doing it, it became something I now automatically make part of each day. I wish you wellness, lifted spirits, and some peace of mind in this crazy twisted world.

 

[ladee]

I also felt like a failure because I couldn't set still... Motion works for me too... walking is the best for me,as I have chronic pain and am limited to doing some things i would love to do... but the walking helps the pain also, because I start to breathe more calmly and normal... instead of those little jerky breaths I take when I am not paying attention....
You will find a way that works for you... and the breathing.... guess we all have issues with that one.... I still have to constantly remind myself to breathe deeper, gets on my own nerves after awhile.... but I do feel better and think more clearly when I breathe right.... only people with PTSD don't know how to breathe without instructions.... lol.....

Things do get better, be a little more patient and kind to yourself.... we have a lot to 'unlearn' and that takes a lot of energy to do and to also trying to embrace new ways of living our life.... so don't stop believing in yourself.... you got this !!!!

 

[EveHarrington]

Mindfulness doesn't require your eyes to be closed. (Ignore anyone who tries to tell you otherwise as they know nothing about PTSD and how it affects how we tune in to our bodies and minds!)

 

[Justmehere]

How are things going now @Smile?