I couldn't get in touch with T and thought he is telling abusers I told on them

[sunshinedaydream]

I had a session where I got super fuzzy/spacy and disconnected and couldn't reground and left feeling very out of it after he tried to get me ok again, but I never did and we were over time. Then it is a longer time until therapy because of the holiday. I messaged last week saying I am not ok, and he asked if talking today would help, but at the time (Friday), that was far away as was in a bad state. Every day I got more scared and scary feelings and losing touch further, and getting these ideas that I don't know if they are right or not.

When we talked today, he said he didn't realize it was urgent. I didn't want to act too overbearing and demanding, so maybe I didn't say enough about how bad it was. I knew that just a few minutes would help me get grounded, and it did when we talked today.

I was believing that he is angry with me and calling all the abusers I told about and telling them I told him what I did with them. And had other scary ideas I thought maybe are true, and anyway, it got scary and all tangled up in my mind.

He said he didn't realize it was so urgent, and that he thinks when we have a session that doesn't close in a normal way, that we can try to check in for a few minutes on the phone later if it will help. Or if there is a crisis.

Is that normal? I don't want to ask for too much, but I was spiraling down badly, and it got so much worse every day, until today I was borderline needing to go to a hospital. But talking to him for 10 minutes made everything seem more clear and I can see that he wasn't angry with me and telling the abusers on me for telling him about them.

What should I have done?

 

[Cypress]

I think you did the right thing. You messaged your T asking for help. It sounds like your T didn't perceive that you were in such a bad way and made a misstep. While that was not what you needed at the time, your T was responsive once you did talk to him and he has re-adjusted his approach.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

I think you did the right thing. You messaged your T asking for help.

Thank you. I asked if anyone else has to call sometimes in between sessions and he said it’s not typical but I’m not the only person ever who needs that in the world and it’s totalky fine. He specializes in trauma therapist, but also is a family therapist. I don’t really know if crisis is common. I seem to get there every few months and need a call outside of a normal therapy session.

I had therapy yesterday and it was fine and things feel better. I actually had another pretty spacey session, but I didn’t get so scared this time and it’s ok after and everything.

 

[Skywatcher]

Thank you. I asked if anyone else has to call sometimes in between sessions and he said it’s not typical but I’m not the only person ever who needs that in the world and it’s totalky fine. He specializes in trauma therapist, but also is a family therapist. I don’t really know if crisis is common. I seem to get there every few months and need a call outside of a normal therapy session.

I had therapy yesterday and it was fine and things feel better. I actually had another pretty spacey session, but I didn’t get so scared this time and it’s ok after and everything.

When I was having problems similar to that I would call my T and she would help me sort it out. Also, she learned that I really wasn’t stable enough to work deeply on the bad stuff. Instead we worked on trust, me regulating myself, recognizing triggers and how to deal. Lots of work getting to know my parts and getting my parts to communicate with me and each other.

 

[Muttly]

I know it's super hard, but try not to worry about whether it is normal. Think about it this way. What if you had cancer and were getting chemo and got so sick after that the doctor recommended you have a brief follow up session to make sure you were ok. Wouldn't you want to get the treatment the doctor recommended? What if a doctor recommend that for a friend? Wouldn't you want to do that? Right now, it's what you need. Your therapist is willing. Do what is necessary to help you heal.

 

[FauxLiz]

With my previous therapist I was able to email, call and text between sessions if necessary no questions asked and even though he didn't always respond quickly he did respond. My current T allows me to email between sessions if its urgent but is clear he is not a crisis therapist. I can also email and request a phone session but he charges by in 10 minute increments and phone calls are not billable to insurance. I would give anything for the security of the between session communication I had with previous T but I don't think I will ever get that again.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

Thanks everyone. I think it’s ok. I have twice weekly sessions already, and mostly feel I can get to the next session, it’s just when I got so super confused and my mind playing tricks on me and I got scared. But I have the audio to listen to and try to remind myself that he is gentle and kind and is probably not mad at me or telling that I told him anything. He doesn’t want me to get hurt I know. And I think since he agreed to the phone call when needed that I know it’s there if I need it, but I can try not to.
Also, I’m allowed to email, but he doesn’t respond and we almost don’t mention them unless I say I want to talk about something in them.

 

[susannahsays]

Just wanted to say I also sometimes start having weird/paranoid thoughts about the therapist and stuff I've told her. For me, it's not that she's telling abusers that I've told on them, but that she's laughing at me. Sometimes I have even had nightmares that she is there and laughing. Or if the thoughts aren't about her laughing, I sometimes start worrying that she's going to tell me at my next session that she's changed her mind and she does think I'm a dirty bad girl after all. I get really confused and worked up about it all. It's hard to explain when it's not happening, but it's like I'm in the grip of a full blown delusion and it becomes really hard for me to even recognize that I'm not thinking rationally.