I Don't Feel Safe.

[Deleted member 20280]

After my diagnosis yesterday I have started shaking almost constantly and my coping strategies are now not working. I am terrified to reopen my painful memories but know I have to. Looking for helpful words to give me some understanding.


Please help

Laurie

 

[Leah123]

Oh, Laurie, I am so sorry you are not feeling safe. I know how that is. Just got over a bout myself. It just took me some time, taking good care of myself, and support. But it was terrible in the meantime.

I just wanted to ask if you knew that having a diagnosis doesn't change anything about you. You are the same person now before you heard those words, but you have a little bit of a roadmap to help you see where your life can get easier, over time, as your symptoms get better. That's all the diagnosis is for. Also, this is not something you need to rush through, or dive into alone. Reopening old memories is very difficult work. It takes a lot of time, and gentleness. If you get a therapist, they will help you do it *very* slowly and with care and respect, at your pace.

I struggled with being diagnosed too, but it gets better. Sending support and best wishes your way. I'm sure others will have more helpful things to say, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

This all came about after a breakdown 4 weeks ago. I knew nothing about ptsd before last night so I researched it. For twenty long year's I have suppressed this and now I accept Ineed treatment. I am a proffesional and my employer is paying private psychologist to assess and treat me. Thankyou for conact

Laurie

 

[Lost Pup]

Hi Laurie.

Nice to meet you.

It's a really great sunny day where I live. I just got home and watered my plants and fed my chickens some fruit. I'm a little tired and bored and waiting to hear about a job I really, really want. My partner should be home soon. I'm worried about money and the future and whether or not some seeds I planted will sprout before it gets too hot out.

I'm telling you this because I have so many times, been just where you are now. Shaking, sometimes vomiting, terrified, unconsolable. It has never lasted too long. And it has slowly, steadily gotten better with time.

Maybe it would be helpful to sit down with your therapist and try to map out a general sense of what to expect in the coming months and years. Obviously we are all different but there are some general landmarks and stages that might be helpful to discuss, if only to make it all less foreign and/or threatening.

Remember - talking about painful memories ("opening" them) is not re-living them. Working with a therapist will allow you to take charge of when and where you choose to engage them.

Best, LP

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Thankyou LP,

I have forced myself to be in "control" for so long as my estranged wife and kids all said I had annoying habits! Those were my ticks and now I know what they really are I can't control them anymore. My psychologist is away on holiday for 2 weeks and that is why I have joined this forum as I cant sit down with him.

Thanks again
Laurie

 

[Lost Pup]

Oh, I see. I'm sorry to have suggested something (meeting with your therapist) that is not possible for you right now!

I'm glad you are here. I've only been around a few weeks after several years not connecting with any PTSD related web forums and I have been impressed by the wisdom and kindness of many of the posters here.

I hope you find some moments of peace and ease.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

No apology needed all conact is helping to calm me and I hope to sleep soon as I refuse to give in to this anymore.

:-)

 

[Maggiemay]

*huggles*

I remember when I was 1st diagnosed just under a year ago I wad scared & confused. But it does get easier, I promise. I now understand what's happening to me a lot more - through coming here I've realised lots of my strange behaviours aren't uncommon. Makes me feel more 'normal. Breakthrough for me way understanding flashbacks & body memories - I wasn't going mad, my mind has playing tricks on me. A mixture of therapy and drugs has helped me settle down a lot. I still struggle, but I know what's happening now.

Stay strong. Xxx

 

[rightkindofme]

The diagnosis is scary but if you have been suffering for twenty years it isn't going to get too much worse than it has been at times in the past. You will have dark days but you will also learn new ways of coping.

I think of having a diagnosis as a helpful way of learning which sets of coping tools are more suited to my issues. If someone has Generalized Anxiety they need different tools than for managing depression. If someone dissociates a lot that is different from having rage surges and so on. I like feeling like I can have a tidy shopping list of "Ok, I need this coping skill and this coping skill and this coping skill. Ok, that will take me how long to learn? Fifteen years! Oh that's lame. Ok." :) But at least once I have some idea of what I need to learn it feels possible.

That's how I try to find hope. Learning to cope can't be harder than the original trauma. Not really. It's just time consuming and frustrating and difficult. I can manage that. :)