I Don't Know About My T

[SimplyComplex]

I use email to communicate with my T too. But there is a giant difference. I will send something I write but feel unable to share in our session. She emails me back, thanking me for it or telling me I am being brave or something all therapist like of her. And then we talk about it in our session...

Also, Ts should not over-share. Its sort of a huge thing. I think a T sharing a little bit here and there helps develop trust and a connection, but I actually don't want to know what much about my T. I like the line. I am quite sure her over sharing would cause me distress in a multitude of ways (i.e. I might feel closer to her then we are and feel sad we can't be friends...or I might worry she isn't managing her own life well enough or it might trigger even greater transference issues).

Anything beyond that is a boundary violation. And unethical. And I am so sorry this is happening to you.

 

[Sterre]

I use email to communicate with my T too. But there is a giant difference. I will send something I write but feel unable to share in our session. She emails me back, thanking me for it or telling me I am being brave or something all therapist like of her. And then we talk about it in our session...

Same here!

And I could not agree more with the rest of the comment SimplyComplex wrote.

Sorry Reclusive! It must be hard for you!!

 

[OKRADLAK]

Recluse, I feel that way, too, that I have no one to share with but you guys!

When I left my T, I felt better, though. It was one extra burden I did not need. Out PTSD is there. Period. T's come and go. If it helps, I did not find an increase in symptoms when I kicked her to the curb . I THOUGHT I would but did not. I actually felt better.

There is always the ER in the case of severe escalation.

 

[Reclusive]

Yeah, I've switched t's a couple times because of their over-sharing - or projecting their lives on to me. This one's just gonna be extra hard because I share him with my fiance and he might get defensive and I dunno. It's just scary and I have too much on my plate already.

I know I'm going to feel better once I do it, but I don't want to do the doing it part. I'm actually pretty stable, I think, nutty as they come, but stable. And my t visits are always really far apart anyways because I feel my fiance needs it more and since only one of us can have a session in a week, I defer it to him a lot already. So I really only have, like, half a t. Or something like that.

I'm so completely terrified.

 

[The Albatross]

Reclusive? What does your fiance say? Have you discussed this more with him?

You can, if you choose, go into your next session a "unified front" and discuss this if you and your fiance are on the same page. Set a boundry and see what happens... I just know that stressing about it is spinning your wheels and going nowhere. Pick a direction... and try to do the action necessary for you to feel comfortable with yourself. Maybe a discussion, maybe a boundary, maybe switching T's... but once you've made a conscious choice. Rest, relax... hit the mute button. You can make a different choice as things happen if you need to. Just don't do this to yourself. Please? No need to terrify yourself... try to dial it down and focus on solving the problem???

(((hugs for you)))

 

[charliehotelwhiskey]

((((Reclusive))))

What can I say that already has not been said. Get yourself a new T. It might be the best if you two have a different therapists to begin with, so the T doesn't get into conflict or overwhelmed in some issues. Just a thought.

It might be even an excuse. You can say: since your fiance needs more help at the moment then you do. Why don't you see another therapist and the T can focus his energies more onto helping your fiance. Now he would not have an excuse to keep e-mailing you. You can block him since he is no longer your T.

You, both deserve in getting the help that you need.

 

[Reclusive]

Okay, so I did it. I talked to my fiance today and he completely understood what I was saying and where I was coming from. He had even said that he didn't think my t's style was really working for me anyways. So he's going to help me find a new t and he even said that he would explain the boundary issues to my t for me (I know, I'm being a chicken there, but he offered). I was going to ask my case manager to let my t know, but my fiance said he'd be able to explain better, so we're going with that. I feel SOOOOO relieved and just grateful for my fiance. It's like a huge burden has been lifted!

 

[seedling]

Good for you, R. I'm glad it went so well. Don't worry about being chicken. It's wonderful to have the help and protection of those who love us. When you are ready to be assertive you'll be able to take those steps on your own.

I'm so happy to hear that your fiance understood what was going on. Good luck with finding someone new.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Yay! ((((Reclusive)))) YOu are now MY new hero!! You did this AND you have a living fiance. You rock!:)

I hope your new T rocks, too!!

 

[Kb3]

It's great that you have resolved this recluse! Good for you for looking after yourself, it's like many other people have said, you have enough on your plate already without feeling like you have to look after your t too. Hope you get a good match next time and good one for being so brave!

 

[Reclusive]

Thanks, guys! I hadn't been officially approved for therapy through the clinic I go to - they have a shortage - so I might have to switch clinics and everything in order to get some therapy. But my fiance said he'll help me with that and that we'll try to find a specialist for me and all like that. So - there's a lot ahead to do, but at least I'm not on my own on this one.

 

[Zemi]

Hi Reclusive, I'm so glad you told your fiance and that you are going to look for a new T! Hope the process goes smoothly :) I thought I replied in here the other day but obviously got sidetracked mid-reply :eek: That's great your fiance will also explain things to your old T so you don't have to deal with that part.