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I Don't Know How To Act Anymore? Can It Be Ptsd From An Event That I Experienced?

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Mr.Unknown

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First off I am new to this Forums and only have told this to a few people and posted this only twice online. I must warn that this is completely 100% Real and Graphic words are used.

Back in May 2011 I experienced something that I will never forget. While taking bike trails with my friends we came across an area with dirt bike ramps near train tracks. During the time it was a nice day for a good ride. We decided to check out the forest beside the tracks and the ramps. So we crossed over and saw that two girls were out walking their dog and a man was jogging on the path so we continued on down a steep hill to where we came to a rest for 30 mins to an hour.

During that time I noticed that the local train that was heading north suddenly come to a complete stop we couldn't see what's wrong since we were all the way down so I commented that " it must have hit a fox or another animal ". Afterwards the girls also came down the hill with their dog and all of us soon slowly made our way back up the hill and we then decided to head home.

During that time my friend asked the girls who were in front of us if we could go on ahead of them. They said sure. We did of course. Just my luck I was the first one. Then I noticed a man on the tracks and I can't picture it anymore since I prefer not to remember but long story short. The man who we all saw run past us was not just jogging but he wanted to catch the train but there was no stop anywhere in the area that we were at but he had another plan to catch it. There we were standing all five of us shocked in horror of the man we previously saw laying dead in front of us.

Unfortunately there was another man who was riding his bike who stumble upon the scene and proceed to ask if we came across the man. I answered " yes I was the first one to see ". Afterwards there was another rider who must have been in his twenties who came upon the scene but then suddenly left with hesitation like he knew the person or something. The first man who came along took a look at the man who was laying on the tracks and said "he is holding his shirt" we replied what for? He replied "there is a note on his back" which he read "She has left me and took the kids I cannot live anymore without her." which then he revealed that there was more that was written on his body which were the train schedule of the day..

I called 911 and reported the incident which very fortunate enough that there were two off duty police officers coming back up from a trip who were on the train. And later on those officers questioned us about what happened and we gave them as much details as we could remember. Later that next week we were all asked to provide information to the police at our school and get counselling about the incident that happened.

Unfortunately it seems like that myself and maybe my close friend have been affected by this incident. I feel the symptom of what they call "Numbness" loss of feelings, emotions, caring. I've been wondering since that incident on why I feel this way I kind of knew that it was because of that incident.

Today writing this, there on the same stretch of train tracks, a man also tried to commit suicide. He is in the local hospital with life threatening injuries.

Many weird things are happening. But main thing is there any way that I can forget all of what I have experienced? All five of us were 17 - 18 when this happened. Innocence was lost that which has changed us forever.

Tuesday. December 18, 2012 3:15AM
 
What a truely horrible experience, I am so sorry for what you have been through and being around the same age as you.. I can only imagine how scarring this incident must of been for such a young person. You didn't mention whether or not you took on the councelling at your school? But if you didn't, even if you did, I would recommend seeking further 'help' or assistance in coping I would rather say.

The lack of emotion you described is a very common symptom of ptsd as you seem to already be aware of. Sadly, the situation you witnessed did happen, it was real, and it was also something no person should see,and no matter what age would find hard to cope with as it is so distressing and unnatural to see such things. The good news is I truely feel if you find a therapist you get on with you will be able to cope with this and return to feeling emotion etc (I will warn you sometimes have to go through a few to find the right one for you but I am saying this not to discourage you but to encourage you to keep trying if the first one isn't your cup of tea so to speak.)

You sadly cannot erase the event, but you can find ways of coping with what did happen and be able to recall the event without such intensity in symptoms, it is a journey of learning but you will come out of it a stronger person, you really will. I wish you all the best in finding a good therapist that helps you along the way.Also if the others that were with you and affected by this are open to therapy too, it will be helpful to do it together (not jointly but seperately in the same time frame) so you can openly discuss things and help eachother to progress. - big hugs to you x
 
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