I don't know how to "do" relationships

[Justmehere]

I am unsure where the line is between problems that are to be expected and worked through in the course of a relationship and those which mean the relationship is over, aka relationship killing problems.

In addition to all the other great feedback, I’d also that it depends on the other person too.

I know most of this is focused on dating relationships but let’s take all relationships as a whole as an example.

There are some relationships I have with people can travel with me long haul through the pits of hell itself. I have yet to run into a PTSD symptom or issue that is a dealbreaker with them.

There are other relationships where my being 5 minutes late is a dealbreaker for them, PTSD or not. They just can’t hack anything PTSD related.

Most relationships are somewhere in between. With those that I’ve dated the longest, there was always some PTSD things they could handle and perhaps some things they couldn’t - so I either worked on those, got support elsewhere... and we navigated compromises a lot. Ex: I can’t handle xyz environment, partner really wants to go to that place - so he invites a buddy instead and I continue to work on it in therapy for my own sake. Even though these long term relationships ended, PTSD related issues wasn’t the cause of it.

It’s not really so black and white as this or that PTSD issue, is for sure always a dealbreaker for all people. Or this other PTSD issue is never a dealbreaker.

There’s a heck of a lot of grey in the middle that really depends on the other person.

It’s also not always PTSD. The guy you are with has his own stuff he brings to the relationship too - like all people. I think one should expect that even if you didn’t have PTSD, there will still be issues to keep working and to see if you both can work through it. That’s the hell/joy of dating: two people seeing if they can make it work.

 

[Deanna]

Eva- nothing wrong with a breather if you become overwhelmed. Tell your guy you need 5 days to calm down. As I have mentioned on some threads both me and my guy have broken up 14 times ( always me) in the last year, when It was really I needed a breather for 4-5 days. We're both PTSD.. I'm 54 and he is 49 ( soon to be 50 in 3 months). Understand what you really need is a breather because you are overwhelmed. I thought many times in my overwhelming brain or detachment that he was a control freak. He was to a point, because everything always went right through his fingers as soon as he got it ( me included) so he was insecure over that and I had my own insecurities. Many times I thought, "This guy is an As$hole"', but the truth is, he just took forever to get to know. As in, 2 years plus, really. Take the time off, he will understand in time