I Don't Know What This Is......

[Birdie828]

Two years ago, I left an abusive realtionship that had lasted 3 years.

One of the biggest altercations with my partner involved me being grabbed by the hair and physically restrained in the entry of our home as I was trying to crawl towards the door to escape and him threatening to kill me. I ended up leaving the relationship, and did not speak to anyone about what happened, and though it took time to work through the emptions, I thought that I had dealt with it.

A few months ago, I couple that my partner and I were friends with were involved in a domestic dispute that ended in her being murdered by him. After that I began to experience nightmares and anxiety attacks, not about them, but about my ex and I being in the same situation. It took months for the nightmares to stop, but eventually they did, I assumed this was a normal reaction to the situation, and did not tell anyone.

About a week ago at an outside gathering, a family member decided to bring up the situation with my friends. At one point I began to tear up, so started to walk to the house to collect my emotions. She decided that it was important for me to talk about it and not run away from the issue, so as I made it to the door of the house, I was restrained by her and 2 others, and suddenly felt like I was in the exact situation as I was with my ex, being held down and trying to crawl towards the door away from an attacker. I became violent (I have never been a violent person) and felt like everything was a blur.

Since then, I have began having the nightmares again, been highly emotional, have had trouble sleeping (and have had to do so with all the lights on and tv to distract me from noises that might scare me). I have been researching incidences like this and have been finding similarities to people with PTSD.

My question is, is this something I need to seek professional help for? or possibly just a normal reaction to these types of situations?

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[The Albatross]

I think that enough signals are there that profesional help is warranted. Clearly the situation hit too close to home for you, and even the topic is volitile for you right now. I began experiencing similar stuff... in my second marriage. I had an abusive home growing up, and an abusive first husband. (((Birdie))) Hugs for you. Maybe it's time you started working through your abussive relationship... to protect yourself and the relationships you have now?

 

[BigBear]

Seeing a professional will never hurt you. If however, you think it might be PTSD, research them carefully. Many are incapable of choosing the diagnosis of PTSD if you didn't get it from the military. Also find other people as well as Albatross who have similar situuations and talk to them. That's really what we are here for.

Bear

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Birdie,

The abusive relationship, nightmares and triggers are unlikely to just go away without help. In the UK, talking to your GP about your symptoms in the first instance is the best place to start because you can be referred for counselling directly by GP.

Get help sooner rather than later is my advice, nothing gained if you put it off. Only you can make that first appointment but I will offer you some reassurance that in my experience, therapy is reallly worth it. You'll find lots of testimonials as to the benefits on this forum.

Good luck, have faith.

LH

 

[a3a2]

Birdie,

I think it warrents getting help. I also think the family member who restrained you was acting very inappropriately. I am not sure what exactly she hoped to accomplish, but I think some boundary line definately need to be drawn there.

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[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome Birdie,

I would agree with the comments above that it would indeed be wise to seek diagnosis and treatment. Any one of the scenarios you mentioned could warrant a PTSD diagnosis.

The more short term you have the symptoms the more likely you will recover or improve significantly. The more reflexive and instinctive reactions like dissociation become the more difficult to handle (personal experience on that one).

In my case dissociation has been a symptom since early infancy (according to my mother). It is not just going to disappear at will. I can still learn to feel it coming on and learn techniques to stop it from controlling me constantly and learning other things to replace it. In that sense nothing is ever hopeless, but despite having a great therapist, working very hard, having made significant improvements in a relatively short amount of time, it will probably still take years and years of very hard work on my part and my therapist's part before I can become remotely functional. Some things will improve more quickly than others (e.g. being able to write, which I struggled with just a couple of months ago, but which had been a previous strength).

Take care!

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Birdie,

You did well in telling your story. I also agree with the others, the quicker (LadyHope) you can get good professional specialized help (BigBear) the better it will be for you (Deaf Global Nomad).