Relationship I Don't Know What To Do...

[TwyFam]

Hi my name is Fam. I live in Sacramento, CA and I am 24 years old. Just found this forum and really need some advice about PTSD through sufferers/supporters and how they feel on their end. My boyfriend or "ex" boyfriend was just diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression. I'm really confused and don't know how to cope with my situation.

My boyfriend of two years just returned a week ago from Afghanistan and I still haven't seen him. We made plans but before we could hang out, he was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression. He sent me a text explaining it all, told me I was an amazing girl and that he needs to fix himself and broke up with me and wants no contact until he is ready.

We were fine when he was deployed...we facetimed everyday or when he could and he was very normal. 2 weeks before he came back I didn't really hear from him but he texted me about a gruesome explosion and that was it. He came back sounding monotoned over the phone. I knew he wasn't okay when I heard his voice... He is now isolating himself from me. Not talking to me, totally cutting me off.

I messaged him once on facebook asking if it was okay that I come over on Friday to visit his family and see him - though I know he's not up for any type of interaction I still just wanted to see his face and know he's okay after 9 months. But no answer though it said he seen it already. We usually talk on the phone when we can, and fall asleep on the phone together.

I really want to know how he feels and why he is pushing me away when we both love each other so much. Prior to this we rarely had problems and were happy together. He is like a changed man now and idk if I can get through go him. Please help me with this because I can't stop crying knowing he's in need of help and I can't do anything about it! Don't want to lose the love of my life!

- Fam

 

[suziq616]

Dear Fam, I understand completely how you are feeling right now. If it helps, know that this is common and this is necessary. He needs to sort out his feelings and emotions, and hopefully get help from professionals, but you are a reminder of what he should be for you, and what he can't be for you right now.

It's not your fault that he's pushing you away, he is actually showing his love for you by pushing you away. The road you choose is up to you, take the time to have space between you and him, trust that he'll be back when he's ready, but know that he will do this again in the future and it will be a roller-coaster for a long, long time. Are you prepared for this life?

Take the time to read all you can about PTSD, take time out for yourself and do the things that make you smile. Hand him over to a Higher Power, if you believe in God or whatever you take faith in. You go ahead and cry, because this is a loss, but it might not be the end of your love story, just a different one than you imagined.

Take care and keep smiling:)
Suzie

 

[Bilby]

Fam, I'm sorry to hear about what is happening.

If your boyfriend has been diagnosed with PTSD, then I'm assuming he is in therapy. Whilst cutting himself off from you feels pretty awful for you right now, it may be necessary for him in order to help him work through what has happened to him in recent times. Take it as a good thing that he is having treatment - that is often a very difficult step for many take, and the fact that he has been able to communicate to you exactly what he needs right now is also very important.

I know it must feel awful - but seeking help is absolutely essential and it really is important that he treats it as a priority right now. Give him some time and space and you may find that he contacts you once again. At the moment, I can only imagine he would be feeling incredibly overwhelmed, amongst other things.

B x