I Don't Know What To Do.

[Nikki Carter]

I got a new job early last month and I love it. Correction, "loved" it. It paid more, had more to do with my interests, and came with much better perks than my last job. My head manager says that he wants us all to feel happy and comfortable at work, but I can't. The manager above me makes me very comfortable. He is extremely condescending, is always trying to be near me, touches me for no reason, tells me my face is too intense ("resting bitch face"), and plays it off like it's all because I'm too sensitive! My hyperarousal symptoms are coming back as strongly as they did before CBT, I feel so helpless that I'll punch walls at work until my knuckles bleed to calm down. I don't want to live like this.

The other day at work I snapped at him for trying to make me feel like I was the problem, so I pulled him aside to tell him I had PTSD (didn't give details), didn't feel that many emotions, and didn't need to be spoken to like a potatoe. He was decent for the rest of the shift, then went back to normal the next day plus with a few pity glances.

I don't know what to do. There are 2 managers in my section but I am only ever scheduled to work with him, the other manager is a good guy. I have thought about telling our head manager but I wouldn't know what to say, or sound like I was demanding to be treated specially. My current plan is to wait a month, then if things don't get better I'll quit or ask to be transfered.

 

[Kintsugi]

You are being harassed. Unless your job absolutely requires physical contact, he has no right to touch you, and he has no right to comment on the emotional integrity of your face or body in general.

Please, for the love of god, report his ass and explain that you tried to solve this conflict yourself but require supervisory support to make your work life tenable.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Have encountered such situations before and to me it seems that such people are much more dangerous then they seem. You are most likely not the first person he treated like that. I know of people at work who have driven many others out of the workplace. I handle it differently than I used to, because I know their sick little minds a little bit better now. When a company has tolerated a harasser like that then it is already letting new employees know that they either tolerate the harasser too or they will be driven out of the company, because no company wants that hassle, and to them it does not matter if harassment is involved.

 

[Nikki Carter]

Thank you so much for your viewpoints!

I'm worried that if I go to the head manager and talk to him that the one I'm reporting will just make me sound crazy.

I had something like this happen the last place I worked too, but it wasn't as bad, he just touched me alot and followed me around. I couldn't say anything about it because his brother was the head manager and his family owned the place.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I think at this stage in my life, if it were me, I'd have to meet with both of them together and lay it all out on the table. I've already suffered enough in trying to purposely suppress information about others that is incredibly unsettling to my biology in hopes of not "rocking the boat".

Meanwhile, my boat started sinking and not a damn soul tried to help me save it, or self, even though I tried hard to keep things running smoothly for them, at my own expense. Lesson learned, finally.

I know having it be the workplace increases the complexity of it all, but that doesn't change the fact that you deserve to be respected and treated humanely. I'm sorry you have to navigate his blatant assholery, harassment, and insubordination. Grrrrrrrr

 

[Butterfly63]

I got a new job early last month and I love it. Correction, "loved" it. It paid more, had more to...

It sounds like you love the job....just not the manager.....could you go to whomever and explain working with these person is a concern for you because you do not communicate well with them and have concerns this will affect your job performance. Something along those lines....I have concerns if you continue to work with this particular boss. One of the first things you should learn with any type of PTSD is to recognize triggers...and how to deal with them....this is something I can not begin to tell you how passionate i am about this ..... I was throwed into flashbacks not having a clue...it was so many years wasted and horror show of pain,). This is about you not me, trauma, ptsd.complex childhood PTSD is a form of treatment that has not been around that long,it takes a special kind of therapist who can help you..and help build you a framework you need in order to function. If the first suggestion does not work for you, than please find a therapist who can work with you and help you decide what is best for you....honestly that would be my top recommendation. Keep in mind there are a lot of very good therapists out there, but for this, you need a therapist who is experienced with treating this type of complex problems.....hope things go well for you