I Don't Know What To Say. I'm Bad At Threads

[BlackbirdSinging]

You're traumatized. Anniversaries can be hard confusing painful triggering stressful and can cause a lot of anxiety. You sound like you feel overwhelmed and confused. I just wanted to tell you you're not doing it wrong. There isn't really a wrong way to feel the pain and grief and confusion.

If you need help it's ok. And it's ok to ask for and accept it too. When people can step in it can help clear up some of the confusion. There aren't strikes against you for asking for or needing help. We all need it. You're ok. Right now you're asserting yourself. That's an amazing thing to do when you're feeling confused.

Keep talking to people you feel safe talking to. Know you're safe. Know that anniversaries can be hard even if we think we've "got" it this time. You've done a good thing starting this thread. It gives you the space to talk and to receive input and support from fellow sufferers.

 

[Justmehere]

Just lately I had my anniversary. This year I thought it would be ok. I wasn't triggered into anxiety but instead feeling loss. My life feels ruined and I keep thinking about all I lost from trauma.

I can relate to this so much. My anniversaries have been hitting me differently lately. Instead of being anxious and jumpy, now it is deep grief that hits me.

The loss, everything the trauma took from me - directly and indirectly through battle to endure PTSD... It is the worst. It has dragged my brain to some very dark places and thoughts, feeling like my life is a waste.

My therapist days that it is a really positive sign in recovery when someone is feeling grief over what was lost. She says it is not a detour or a setback from healing, but a really essential part of the process to move forward. I sort of understand that, and I sort of don't.

I too want to make a difference and be useful and do good with my life and I'm so deeply sad at times for all that I can't get back.

The best and most amazing people I have met, the strongest souls who do a lot of good in the world, have all endured great darkness and suffering of one kind or another.

It's part of what makes them so amazing and able to tough and change so many lives.

Your journey has not been ordinary Ed, and you should have never had to endure all that you have. It's horrible what happened to you and it's terrible the loss you have endured.

But I have no doubt in my mind that you will do great things in life.

Partly because you already do.

Right now the darkness may be strong, and the waves of grief may be crashing hard, but hang on. There is light coming. The waves of this pain will settle in time and you will see more of what we see - the amazing future ahead of you, and how valuable you are even in this present moment now.

And keep talking, if it helps you. You have changed more than you know already. You don't have to know how. Just keep doing it. You are on a good path.

 

[Deleted member 30956]

I recall chatting to you, Ed. You're a sweet person. I can feel the pain in your words. Sending you gentle support

 

[joeylittle]

I don't talk about my feelings well.

I think you're doing it very well. The best advice I can offer is to make sure you've got solid distraction options; you want to keep shifting your mind back into the present, away from the thoughts of what you've lost and how you are afraid you have no future. Those are very, very powerful thoughts. Do you have a good handful of distractions? I do really well with super-mundane and tactile things, like washing dishes. Sometimes I'll just put a bunch of clean dishes in the sink and wash them.

When my stuff is bad, distraction can keep me alive. Keeps releasing the pressure - so the heaviness comes and goes in waves, instead of pushing me down til I break.

Keep posting, too. It helps.

 

[oasis2003]

I feel for you Ed take care of yourself very much. Please get the help that you need I think it is brave to get help, it took me ages. I find it difficult to feel emotions and to talk about them but when I do feel/ talk it eases it all a bit. You will fulfil your potential I have no doubt, you are just suffering a bit more than usual, when you feel a bit better, because you will soon, then you can continue reaching towards all of you goals and dreams because no doubt you have lots of them. Many :):hug::hug::):)

 

[Kailani]

Ed,
Great job expressing your feelings! I also struggle daily with what I have lost cuz of this! It's awful!
But we can't change the past only the present and the future. You make a difference every time you go on chat. Just working in the present for the future is enough while trying to address trauma in manageable doses is enough! Hope things get better for you! Distraction is also helpful for me. I find my studies distracting and movies and exercising. Hope you find what works for you!!!

 

[Ed Norton]

Thanks to all that replied. All that was said was very helpful and compassionate. I'm sorry that you all are able to relate but I am also grateful. I will go to the hospital if I can't handle it anymore.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Hi, Ed

I'm sorry that you all are able to relate but I am also grateful.

Grateful oh yes. For you being here.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hey friend. I'm so glad you decided to post and get some of this out, even if it doesn't feel natural or comfortable for you. You really have done a great job expressing yourself here. I commend you.

I just want you to know that you have touched my life in often profound ways. Your support has meant so much to me, and I'm here if you need to just get something off your chest or just want to say hi.

(((((((Ed)))))))

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Hugs Ed, it's gonna get better. You've went through this quite a few times, it will pass.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Ronin]

Hi Ed,

I think you've done well with the thread, there's no right, much less a wrong, way of doing it, and I'm glad you posted.

Anniversaries are hard for everyone, no wonder you're having a hard time.

I'm hopeful emergency plan won't be needed to be used, but glad you've came up with one. It's self care, and self sufficience in action, not 'another failure'.

 

[Gadgie]

Sometimes just writing things down can make you feel a lot better, even if it's just in your personal diary. I find that writing my posts in here helps me a lot, because not only am I releasing my thoughts down, but I'm writing them in a place where the people who read them, can understand what I write.

That's what makes all the difference for me. I used to do quite a lot of writing, short stories and so on, for another sites paper, but haven't been able to get back to doing that for some time now?