Sexual Assault I don't know what to think of this

[ConfusedAlone]

I still don't know what to call what happened to me, or if I'm just being dramatic. My therapist said that she thinks it's all up to our perception of what we think happened. She thinks I was taken advantage of. She said "Maybe I would want to have a friendship with this person with set boundaries." And I literally was frozen, and didn't know what to say. I was shocked she could say that to me. She asked if I could look at her. I said I can't. She said the expression on my face said everything or something like that I don't remember I was just paralyzed. I interpreted this as her saying that I am being dramatic and that maybe I can have a friendship with this person eventually once I get over this. Because I only described a little bit of what happened that I thought the person was gentle and at the same time I missed their family, I was so close to this person. She said yeah you miss your friend. I asked her if she thought I should reconnect with this person, still in shock. She's like "I don't think you should ever do that, you were sexually assaulted." Hearing those words made me sick. But I can't help but feel like she's lying to me and maybe she saw my horrified facial expression and knew she messed up. She said i have to define what happened and if one day I say it was rape or whatever then that's what it is. I don't know what to think of what she said or be hurt. I'm just so depressed. Please any advice. My PTSD is just killing me.

 

[anthony]

Ok.

Are you being dramatic? You're writing dramatic content, with zero substance. Is this what you're doing with your therapist?

Have you been sexually assaulted? It seems that even you and your therapist are confused about this.

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD by a psychologist?

 

[Casey_03]

She said "Maybe I would want to have a friendship with this person with set boundaries."

I don't think she meant this as you SHOULD want to be friends with this person, I think she was honestly asking if that is something you want, probably based on you saying you miss this person's family. And I don't think she meant anything by it. A lot of victims of trauma DO still feel an attachment to their abusers, so she was probably asking from that angle -- with no other implications in her statement. If you said you missed this person's family, I could see why she would ask this. I don't think you should read anything into it.

I can't really comment on anything else, because you haven't described the assault or what happened. So it's hard to gauge the context here.

 

[Scared2786]

Ok.

Are you being dramatic? You're writing dramatic content, with zero substance. Is this what you're doi...

Dramatic content? What do you mean by that? I haven't told my therapist what happened yet. I was forced to drink. I said I couldn't have sex with her, she kept pressuring me and wouldn't let me leave it alone or change the topic or just go. She said she could see it in my eyes that I wanted it. Not to fight it.

 

[Sargonnas]

I think you really need to understand weather is was rape or consensual. maybe this is where your therapist is getting confused.
She maybe thinking that you were making love and now have no feelings towards the person. just be honest

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Ok, did you say no or what? I am not understanding as it seems jumbled to me but maybe that's just me? It is hard to advise if we don't have content to advise about.

 

[Casey_03]

I haven't told my therapist what happened yet.

Couldn't that be why she'd ask the question about whether you would want to be friends with this person? If she didn't know all the details, it now makes more sense why she'd ask that.

I am guessing that is what Anthony meant by "dramatic content" -- you were very vague in your description and left out all the details, so it seemed very dramatic without any real explanation. That may very well be a coping mechanism for how you're dealing with this (if you're not fully ready to talk about what happened yet).

 

[talon]

I still don't know what to call what happened to me, or if I'm just being dramatic. My therapist said that she t...

Is it clear in your head what happened or is it buried by fear. Therapists are human and only as good as their experience allows. Try to write your feelings if this helps then share. But no apologies as you are the one who has been hurt . I always encourage writing as you can share no pressure , face 2 face we often freeze then one becomes more angry and frustrated . Keep smiling

 

[anthony]

Ok, this is pretty troll like, so this thread is on notice for any further guest posts.

 

[Justmehere]

Based on the vague description of this session, I don't see any major red flags or any signs of wrongdoing by the therapist. Your *interpretations* of what she really meant are just interpretations, and ones that are unlikely to be true.

It's my guess that you are scared to talk about this subject and subconsciously looking for cause to push your therapist away by being vague and trying to mind read, rather than specifically and clearly putting things out on the table to talk through.

Whatever has happened, these are two important things to remember in therapy:

1.) Don't try to read your therapist's mind. (Almost everyone tries to do this.) It's usually inaccurate and unhelpful. Instead, ask what the therapist thinks and means. Don't guess.

2.) Remember that the therapist can't read your mind either, and tell the therapist about any fears and concerns that come up based on what they say. Assuming they understand what hasn't been said is usually a receipe for disaster.

If you can't yet talk about this, then talk about the fears of talking about this, including the fears around eye contact and connection with the therapist in tough moments. This is part of recovering from trauma and learning how to do relationship in a new way.