I don't take criticism or rejection well, do you?

[Changing4Best]

I was talking with my therapist about not being able to take criticism well and she said that most folks don't. I was so relieved. I felt like, "I am not alone." Some folks say there is such a thing as "constructive criticism" but I have yet to experience it, whatever it is! Sometimes someone says they mean well or others will say that person meant well, if you tell them what happened and how you got criticized and for what. Other times the criticism comes from left field, no warning. It leaves me with this "Huh?" feeling.

Then there are the false accusations. Those are even harder to deal with. It is easy to say that one didn't do that, it is harder to prove it, that is for sure! Then too, there might be a half truth to the accusation, but the gist of it is still that you are being accused of something you did not intend to do, if you did some portion of it to the slightest. The accuser does not want to hear about the details and how the accusation is not really the way things are. The accuser just wants folks to take sides.

Well, people for the most part are siding with me. They know me and my record well enough to know that what I have been accused of I have never done before, and that I was not likely to have done it that time either, no matter what the accuser says. I have been around here for 7 years now. The accuser has lived here for 6 months and already made at least one enemy that I know of, maybe two. My record speaks for itself. The only person I don't get along with is this one person who is always criticizing me behind my back and even when I am present sometimes.

And that brings me to rejection. I don't take that well either. I have dealt with it in some form or another all of my life. Kids rejected me in school, I got a lot of rejection in my career, and someone has rejected me online somewhere recently too. There was a lot of criticism before the rejection too, and of course, no chance to clear up the disagreement and misunderstandings.

So how about you? How do you deal with criticism or rejection? Does it rock you to your core, or is it just something you let go of easily?

 

[anonymous]

For me, it depends on how it's presented. That can make a huge difference. It also depends who it's from. If I don't like or respect them it's not such a big deal. If it feels like their wrong anyway, I blow it off. Sometimes people don't get it.

If I care about them and they are respectful then I can handle it.

As far as rejection, I've learned to protect myself in that regard. I don't let people in, unless I trust them completely. Truly, my t is the only one that I completely trust in this world.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, I can understand only trusting one's therapist, I agree with that. I trust mine 100% too. There are a few other folks I trust, ones I have known for a long time and keep in touch with regularly, they mean a lot to me and I get along with all of them fine. I have a lot of friends, actually. I am kind of a social butterfly I suppose, but I only have a very few CLOSE friends, ones I trust a lot. @anonymous

 

[DandylionWishes]

Rocks me to my core - I'm still trying to learn to trust in and stop criticizing & rejecting myself. Blargh...

 

[Deleted member 541]

Used to kill me, but now that I've decided that I don't give a shit what others think or say, nope!!!! Everyone is entitled to their opinion and if they don't want to be involved with your life, then that's ok too. It's all about how you LOOK at things, instead of internalizing everything...

 

[Changing4Best]

Rocks me to my core - I'm still trying to learn to trust in and stop criticizing & rejecting my...

Yes, I guess I should be working on these things too.

Used to kill me, but now that I've decided that I don't give a shit what others think or say, nope!!!! E...

Internalizing things was the ONLY option I had during my childhood, I was not allowed to "talk back" or in any way fight back. So it kind of became a way of life for me and is one that is hard to change just like "that!" (Especially when I am in my mid-60s).

 

[Changing4Best]

Used to kill me, but now that I've decided that I don't give a shit what others think or say, nope!!!! E...

After a lot of thought, it occurred to me that the two folks who have rejected me of late have been very controlling people. Each of them tried to force me to change in some way that was not going to end up being "me." When I refused to change into what they wanted me to be, they rejected me.

The thing is, only God can change a person. People don't very often get other people to change. Asking someone to change their way of being is in essence a deep criticism. The one trying to change me is saying to me, that they don't like me the way I am, they don't like ME BEING ME.

Well, that does not fly in my world. I'm not a doormat that molds myself to the footprint of every person who steps on me!

So I have to carry on, being myself, and if others don't appreciate that they can go find someone else to judge and try to change, but it isn't going to be me. I don't have to shift with each gust of wind that comes my way!

 

[Deleted member 541]

@SheilaKathy No one said that you had to change just like "THAT". And what does age have to do with it??? If a person wants to change something/anything they work at it to do so... I'm 64, been a sugar junkie all my life and I just quit sugar cold turkey 2 weeks ago. I was in my early 60's when I decided that I've taken enough shit in my life from other people and taken on their opinions of me to the point of trying to kill myself. To finally realizing that what they think doesn't matter, because we ALL have opinions, and I might not agree with their opinion of me, but it's THEIR opinion, so why care???

It isn't about "talking back" it's about an inner belief that you have. You don't have to fight back when someone says something about you... It's HOW YOU internally handle it that matters. You can either take it seriously and worry about it till you wind up half nuts from it, or you can just let it go to, it's their opinion, and forget it...

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, I quit sugar too, a few years ago. I had great incentive to do so, since I had gotten 11 cavities in my teeth in a 2 year period of time when I had not had the money to go see the dentist. Anyway, once I got them all filled, I have not had a cavity since. So keep my story in mind as you continue to abstain from sugar. Maybe it will give you some extra incentive.

 

[The Albatross]

Criticism used to be a really big deal... til I did a lot of perceptual and mental filter work. Rejection for me kinda stings but it's pretty much only a "sting" - doubtless the byproduct of an ambivalent attachment style.

@SheilaKathy - "Some folks say there is such a thing as "constructive criticism" but I have yet to experience it" - this had a lot to do with my perceptions and mental filter. It is good to read/study up on what constructive criticism actually is and scan for it rather than perpetuating a defensive coping style/strategy.

Also, it is hard to hear criticism when the chatter of my mind is so loud that only the stinging kind of criticism can break through the din.

 

[Beans]

It doesn't bother me oddly enough (constructive or otherwise.) If I can take something from it, I take it. If it's nonconstructive, that's their issue. That's taken forever to get to though and is still a fairly new place for me.

What I really can't take though, and i'm gonna have to figure it out with my therapist, I hate when pple tell me things I already know. It's like it offends me.Like they think I'm stupid, which ofc doesn't make any sense. Prob has somtheing to do with my parents expecting me to know everything and how to do everything. So when someone assumes I don't know something it feels... just off. Ugh it's counterproductive in any case.And thankfully now i can choose not to let it bother me as much.

 

[The Albatross]

@Beans - re: hating it when people tell you things you already know - of course there is seldom any way to know what you know and in my case I found I was expecting to be more meticulous in their communications with me than was really realistic. What a surprise to me to find that other people don't spend more time an effort in their communications with ME. :O_o::unsure: I had to readjust my expectations and also work a lot on low frustration tolerance.