Sexual Assault I Don't Think I Was Really Molested

[parker]

I just started therapy and was told that I have PTSD due to molestation. But my my story is so different I think I'm just being hyper-sensitive. When I was 11 years old my mom forced me to let her do a breast examination on me. She made me strip down and she touched my breasts. She's not a medical professional or anything like that and I didn't even live with her. And I had good medical insurance if I really needed a breast exam?? I don't get it. But my mom has always been kind of nuts. She had unstable mood swings and unjustifiable anger daily. I was always walking on eggshells with her... My step mom was always more of a mom to me. I just had court ordered visitations with my bio-mom every other weekend....But I lived with her during my formative years until my dad could get legal custody. The therapist said that her intentions don't necessarily matter since I'm not wanting to pursue legal action. But I felt dirty and I think about what happened every day. I abruptly and impulsively cut my mother out of my life when my son was born four years ago...never really acknowledging why I was so angry. I haven't let any of this come to the surface until now. I think, basically, I'm blowing the incident out of proportion and I've allowed it to affect me all these years. I'm hyper-sexual and I have panic attacks and I think about what happened daily.

Sorry...my typing isn't usually so scattered. I'm having trouble talking about this. But please tell me how to fix my thinking on this matter and not let it affect me anymore. I'm 25 years old and I'm so done with this.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Parker, and welcome to the forum.:)

To me it does not sound at all like you are over-reacting to what happened to you. It was totally inappropriate behaviour on the part of your mother. You are right to feel violated. This happened when you were at a particularly vulnerable age.

At the start of therapy it is quite normal for your symptoms to initially get worse. But hang in there and it will get better. The thoughts are intrusive at the moment, I remember the feeling very well. You just keep going over it, questioning your own judgement. But it really does improve.

Take care of yourself. Be gentle, and give yourself plenty of time.

Regards
Lucy x

 

[aditi]

Parker, you're not being hypersensitive, that really was a true violation of your body, your rights, your privacy. I'm sorry you went through that. My memories of my mother aren't clear but I've a feeling there was something wrong there too. Therapy has helped me a lot and I hope it will you too. Like BrucieLucy says it can and often does get worse before it gets better so your work is cut out for you. I wish you strength.

 

[Lionheart]

I think, basically, I'm blowing the incident out of proportion and I've allowed it to affect me all these years. I have panic attacks and I think about what happened daily.

Parker welcome to the forum. I don't think you are blowing things out of proportion, you were violated. I am sorry that this happened to you. Therapy can seem really hard at first but it will get easier and you will heal. Remember to be gentle with yourself. I wish you the best,
Lionheart

 

[parker]

Thank you for the replies. You guys are right, things have suddenly gotten harder on my end. I feel like I'm constantly tired, like I just want to sleep all day. I'm usually an early bird with tons of energy. And last night I had some really weird dreams that are definitely related. The crazy thing is I've spent years in therapy (on and off with various therapists) discussing everything BUT my mom. My therapist says that my mind was protecting me and having me deal with the easier things from my history first. Now I'm ready to talk about trauma and abuse (my mother was abusive in other ways as well). I guess that makes sense...

 

[Lionheart]

My therapist says that my mind was protecting me and having me deal with the easier things from my history first. Now I'm ready to talk about trauma and abuse (my mother was abusive in other ways as well). I guess that makes sense...

Congratulations on becoming ready to talk about the trauma and abuse, You may want to give yourself a pat on the back for being ready, not everyone gets to the point you are at. It was very hard for me talking about the abuse...at first. I wish you continued success with your therapy and your healing journey.